Boobs , Dudes & Nudes.

Chapter 1

I was going to go home , but I couldn't.

I couldn't see my Aunty or my uncle & I doubt they'd want to see me.

I honestly couldn't take this anymore. Life anymore.

And that's how I found myself writing my suicide note. I was strong , but sometimes even Hulk can't manage shit like this.

~*~

" Summer ! Summer ! " I heard his voice distinctively , last person I'd want to see , to be honest. Thankfully , everything was blurry & my head hurt like a bitch

" Why'd you take so much pills baby ? I'm sorry , I didn't mean for it to go this far. Wake up , the ambulance is coming , hold on , please ! "

" Stop shouting. " I cried , pushing him off me ,

" Why are you here ? " I pushed harder ,

What did I do ?

" Baby , I'm sorry " he kissed me ,

" Eww , get off me. " I cried , he was strong , very strong & my attempts to get him off were futile.

" I love you , I'm sorry. "

" Save the bullshit ! " I rubbed my temple.

" I thought I could trust you ! " I whisper-shouted , my head hurt like a bitch.

" I'm sorry , ok ? I'm stupid , I know , I shouldn't have let you walked off , I shouldn't have done anything I did . " he groaned ,

" Leave , NOW ! " I pointed to the door , Dickface.

He didn't.

" NOW ! " I groaned ,

He got up.

He kissed me.

" Stop that. " I wiped my lips , gagging.

" Let me be your Tate , Violet. "

" you're smoking dick now ? " I looked at him as if he had three heads. I wanted to laugh , laugh in his face at his stupidity, but my dry throat & pounding headache wouldn't allow me.

" I'm going to count to three & you better be gone. "

1...

He was looking at me.

2...

I closed my eyes

3... I heard the doors closed & an ' I'm sorry , I love you. ' echo through the walls , as well as the loud sirens of the ambulance heading my way.

I knew that was my cue to leave.

*~*

I was at my parents' , well my house , only we knew about it & only I had a key.

I'd made my successful getaway through my window , I'd seen the ambulance go inside , Kobe too , I'd seen when he'd ran out looking in every direction , horror on his face , but that couldn't make me stay.

The bus ride here , was two hours , but I didn't care , as long as I was far away.

I couldn't wait til next month to turn 18.

Next month was so close.

All my hard work was a waste of time.

All my hours studying was a waste of time.

Kobe was a waste of time.

And no matter how true that was , it was so hard to say.

His life was rough.

I'd known everything about him & maybe I'd be that screwed up if I was in his shoes.

I was looking at the pack of cigarettes in my dad's draw & that made me think about Kobe , how his sperms donor (dad) that he had tried to get close to burned him when his drunk or mad or sad , put out his butts on him.

A tear fell from my eyes.

& then my eyes landing on something , it diverted my mind from Kobe to this specific person in nanoseconds & I realized I had a thing for guys with messed up lives.

Ryder Adams.

I looked at his sweatshirt that he'd wear to mostly all of his practices.

He was one of the most popular boy in high school , he was smart , athletic , like there was no sport he wasn't in or good at , he was the golden boy , until his senoir year , I don't know what happened , we were friends , bestfriends , i knew behind his smile , he was actually sad & a complete loner.
Something changed between us & we started dating , I knew that came with a lot of consequences , he was a bad boy , he wrestled , the illegal kind & I'd made it my top priority to go every one of his fights , police or no police.

As a kid , he had gone through so many foster parents , you'd give up counting , but then , he got into a stable family , until they started to beat him , when he didn't bring their drugs on time , that's when he started living with me , but even that wasn't good enough , as he still couldn't get out of his wrestling contract.

He was adopted , no one really knew , just me & his bestfriend , Jonah.

Jonah died early last year , fuck I cried like a bitch , he was the only thing I had close to Ryder. I'd told him that night , to stay with me , let us watch a movie or something , but he didn't.
He left , right after I made him the best hotdog in his life , I don't know , I'd given him the biggest hug & ruffled his curly hair as he went through the door , I just wish he'd come home that night , wish I was more persistent , maybe then I wouldn't have lost a dear friend , as well as my boyfriend.

Ryder & I had taken a break before he died , I was still there for him & he still lived with me.
Most persons are adamant that he's not dead , because they had a closed casket funeral & no one identified him. I wished that was true , I wished Jonah had a closed casket funeral & no one identified him , I wish his mum & I weren't the one who went to the hospital , i wish everything didn't happen , i wish I didn't have to go to the hospital , I wish I didn't have to see the person I loved with 10 bullet holes covering his body , or a knife , in his hand , I wish I didn't have to hear , " I love you Summer-Rayne , Ryder's alive ,  find him & tell him to get those fuckers. " he was so gone , he was imagining things, he was delusional, none the less , I wiped the blood off his cheek & kissed him , telling him how much Ryder & I loved him.

The doctors couldn't save him , he was long gone, I wish they could , but sometimes , most times wishes don't come true.

But , I wish that what Jonah said was true & I only wish that , that simple wish would come through.

& if I wasn't crying already , I began hollering , I don't know, I lost so many loved ones , like this world wasn't for me  , like life wasn't for me , but maybe it was , I took a container of pills & I'm still here , why not. Still here after throwing my guts up , nonetheless, I was here. Alive.