Meraki* (MaiChard Fanfic)

Chapter 8 - Ikaw

28 November 2015

Dear RJ,

Last night, you asked me if I was happy, and I told you that I was. Since the day that I met you, I have been experiencing such great joy. Seryoso ako ah! Maraming nangyari and you have always been with me. I honestly can't deny how grateful I am for making me happy and helping me make my dreams come true. Now, I know that this is long overdue, but let me tell you what I feel and why I couldn't be thankful enough that you're in my life.

When people got to know my name, they thought that I was just an ordinary girl behind the camera and all these wacky faces. No one really tired to get to know the real me...except you (aside from my family and friends). All they could see was the glamorous (daw!) actress/comedianne while you actually took the time out of your busy schedule (sadly, parehas tayo) to be with me. I actually admire you for listening to my endless chatter kahit minsan walang akong kwentang kausap. Haha

I know I already told you this but I always take your words seriously. I could see that you're trying very hard to give me 'real' answers and not the usual showbiz lines other artistas use. I'm well-aware of your efforts. That's why I'm really happy whenever you give me a fraction of your time (even if it's in the wee hours of the morning) to get to know me and express who you really are (payb years old!). Tanggap ko na nga iyung mga corny mong jokes eh! Hahaha

Now, I'm sure you're still wondering now why I said yes (na maging girlfriend ha, hindi asawa!) to you a few days ago. I'm sure, nagulat ka rin! Syempre, kailangan padaanin muna kita sa butas ng karayom at sa kamay ni Dodong bago kita sagutin. Dalagang Filipina nga 'di ba? Pero sa totoo lang, minsan mas insecure ka pa sa akin. *rolls eyes* Kaya ito na, I'll you tell you about my thoughts on the recent Kalyeserye happenings.

I have been planning to tell you about my thoughts about Tamang Panahon for weeks now but I couldn't find the time or the rights words to use. Sobrang hirap, I swear! What I felt during the exact moment that you held me in your arms was indescribable. I felt a sense of belongingness, peace, and warmth within your arms. I wanted to bury my face in your chest and hug you tighter. But I didn't because I got scared. I wanted it to last forever and I feared that doing so might scare you off.

After Tamang Panahon, I had an epiphany. If there's anything that I wanted more than anything else, it was to be with a man who will be willing to endure everything (even my numerous flaws and mood swings) and sacrifice a lot of things (time) for my sake. Try as I might, I could no longer deny that I saw that man in you. I I knew that I'd be a fool to let you slip from my fingers.

Maybe it was your wide smile, or the way you held my hand, but the only thought that rang through my head whenever I see you is longing and something else that I couldn't quite explain. Kaya nga noong Friday (when I had to 'leave you' so you can marry Cindy), takot na takot ako. Paano kung mangyari iyun sa totoong buhay? Paano kung bigla na lang tayong maghiwalay? Kakayanin ko ba? I was already slowly (but surely) falling in love with you.

I know that we were just acting (nadadala talaga ako sa galing mo) and that when Kalyeserye ends that day, we'll be okay. But the moment I saw your pained expression and tear-stained cheeks, every logical thought was replaced by pure heartbreak. At that moment, I felt like I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to reach out and hold your hand. I wanted to tell you that you should stay and choose me instead. I swear to god that if I could, I would have told you that I want you to never give up on what we have.

I know that you understood that when I suddenly hugged you (and you hugged me tighter) when the segment ended. I didn't want to lose you. I wasn't ready. I don't think I will ever be ready. I guess it was during this time that I realized that I'm now ready to accept that I am in this for the long run like I hope you are. This might be too early to say this but I'm putting all my trust on you, Richard Faulkerson Jr. because I know you won't break my heart.