A Letter Before I Go ; malum

1

Dear Calum,

I guess you already figured it out.

I'm sorry I ran away, and I know it won't be long until you find me, cos our fans are dedicated, but I just want some time to myself.

Okay?

Love, Michael

Calum stood with the paper in his hands, blinking away the tears as he left it crumpled in his pocket. He knew better than to leave it on the table. Michael had only left it out there because he knew Calum was the earliest riser.

"Fuck me, Michael," he mumbled, wiping his face in utter frustration.

A note? That was it?

He knew he shouldn't complain – Ashton never got something like this from his Dad. So, therefore, he would barely mention the note. Say that Michael texted him, or something.

Yeah, that was what he was going to do. He concluded, holding a cup of coffee with his shaking hands. He'd stayed up since three in the morning – ever since Michael had left his bed. He knew he should've chased after him.

He should've known something was up when Michael kept on zipping up his suitcase properly instead of just leaving it all open like he often did. God, why couldn't he see the signs? Why was he so stupid to think that Michael was happy?

He'd never even questioned it.

It was always the assumption that people were happy – content, at worst, because people couldn't be screwed caring if they were feeling anything else. Or, maybe it was just easier that way. To assume that he was happy was to assume that the Earth would be eternal.

Someday, it just wouldn't be.

Just like the Earth can go from being something to nothing, Michael can go from being happy to sad.

Calum had just never thought about it.

God, he was so selfish.

He went outside, figuring that maybe coffee and smokes weren't such a great mix, but anything was better than the guilt rising up in his throat.

He smoked and drank until Ashton came out, shivering at the cold weather. Calum barely seemed to notice him, twirling the cigarette in between his fingers.

"Hey, Cal," the long haired boy smiled small, shutting the door to the balcony. "You look like shit."

"Michael left." He rushed out, unable to let his bandmate think he was just out getting something.

His eyebrows furrowed, frown deepening so his dimples popped as he asked a question. "What?"

"Packed his bags and left. Don't know where to, and I don't know why."

Ashton went through all the usual questions, not missing one theory of why Michael might've left, not knowing that Michael said he just needed time to himself. But for what reason? If he wanted to leave the band, he wouldn't have done so so secretively.

"I'm waking up Luke. Michael shouldn't be very far away."

Ashton rushed inside, and the Maori sat on his flimsy plastic chair, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He dialled up Michael's number, and waited for the painfully long dial tone to lead to MessageBank.

"Mikey," he whispered, not trusting his voice as he spoke, "why did you leave?"

The boys, the security, some of the stage crew and even the guitar techs went on the hunt for the redheaded boy. All throughout the search, the fact that Michael was gone hadn't really sunk in. It was too early for the realisation.

They weren't freaking out because they figured that Michael was just around the corner, lost getting some hair-dye, or out finding some better WiFi. They didn't want to say that Michael had ran away. No. That would make it real.

They were asked for pictures, but none of them stopped. They didn't even bother being polite about it. They were down a band member, and not in the mood.

The boys' phones vibrated in their pockets, seeing that 5SOS' twitter had been tweeted on. All tour dates were cancelled for the next few days.

Luke rolled his eyes, saying that they were over-reacting, and Michael probably had to go home for some emergency suddenly. Calum would've believed him if Michael hadn't written him a note.

Somebody picked them up and dropped them off at the hotel, their personal assistant already waiting for them, Management on the phone. They told them what they already knew. Michael wasn't picking up his phone. He wasn't in the city. He had ran away. He didn't tell management about any of it.

Calum watched as his other two bandmates hugged each other. They weren't crying. They knew better than to cry when they knew things were probably going to get worse.

They opened the hug to Calum, and Calum walked himself into it, never knowing just how much a piece of paper in his pocket could weigh him down.

"Do you . . . Do you think he left a note?" Luke asked.

"People who want to leave never do." Ashton said, surprisingly cynical for that point in time.

Luke walked away, saying that he was going to check anyway. He went through all of their bags, even though Calum was a bit touchy about his, because he wasn't sure if Michael had left something more for him.

There didn't look to be anything.

The Maori furrowed his eyebrows, because, why would Michael leave a note for him, but not for the other boys?

"I think I'm going to go to bed." He decided softly, starting to walk over to Michael's side of the bed.

Ashton stopped him. "I can't have you shutting down this early, Cal."

"Please." He said, face blank and voice monotone.

Ashton just ignored him, pulling him out of the room and down to the café right next to the hotel. The eldest made sure the other two ate, and tried to get them to talk as much as possible, but the fact that there was no one sat on the fourth seat was painfully obvious.

Calum kept his phone under the table as he texted Michael again.

you forgot your medication, mikey. Please come back.

He didn't want to say out-rightly that he missed Michael. Saying that he missed him wouldn't bring him back, so he figured he just needed to give him reasons as to why he should at least come back to the hotel room.

"Do you want anything else?"

Michael.

"No, I'm alright, Ash."

Luke was still staring at a stain on the table-cloth, and he looked amazingly creepy, but moved as soon as Ashton touched his hand. Ashton made sure to hold onto it as they walked back to the hotel room. They both needed a hand to hold.

Calum trailed behind them.

It's mid-tour mike. Please come back. We need you... I need you.

They got back to the hotel room, and Calum got into his side of the double bed. Out of habit, he turned around to make sure Michael was still there, just like he always did. But when he wasn't, he bit his lip to get rid of the tears.

He sniffed, crawling over to Michael's side, closing his eyes. He buried his face in the pillow, hugging the quilt, imagining it was Michael. But, the only thing was, his imagination wasn't good enough, and it was only his smell that lingered.

thoughts?

how about mikey running away? why do you think he did it?

calum being sad?

luke?

ashton?