princess and the geek [ stydia ]

chapter 12: don't cry

don't cry.

you're not going to cry.

don't cry, lydia.

don't do it.

you will not cry.

you promised yourself you wouldn't cry.

so don't.

keep that promise.

for kira.

she doesn't want to see you sad.

and you don't want to be sad either.

but it's hard.

but try your best.

don't cry.

my shaking hands lifted the piece of notebook paper that had my speech written on it, stained with teardrops.

i had barely opened my mouth, and i could feel my voice and lips trembling.

i looked up from the paper and gave the smallest smile.

"hi. i'm lydia martin, kira's -"

don't cry.

"friend." i finished.

i took a deep breath and looked back at the paper, then back up again.

"um, my speech isn't really a speech. i'm not going to be telling you all how kira impacted my life, which she did but," i stuttered.

"instead, i decided to write her a letter. so i'll be reading this letter to kira, and you can hear what i have to say to her."

"dear kira,
    my beloved kira. my lovely kira. my wonderful kira. my beautiful kira. you were a beam of sunshine. you still are a beam of sunshine. you're my beam of sunshine. i never said goodbye. i got mad. and for what? my sensitive ways got the best of me, and i lashed out on you, making you leave, most likely broken, on the day you fell and took a trip to heaven. i will never forgive myself. i'm so sorry. i know you would say it's okay, because that's who you are, but it's not. i didn't plan on making you angry or sad or full of any emotions that were not positive, especially on the last few hours of your life. i hope scott treated you well that night. i hope he treated you well all the time, and i know he did. your eyes sparkled whenever you talked about him, me envying you because you had such a beautiful love that i thought i would never find. but i then realized, you were all i needed to be happy. to make my eyes sparkle. although i don't have real affection towards the same sex, i would be madly in love with you if i did. my eyes would sparkle, glimmer, shine talking about you. girlfriend or best friend. i hope heaven is treating you well, it should be. if you forgave me, thanks. if you didn't, i don't blame you. if you're watching me right now, i hope whatever you're feeling is anything but negative. and the phrase "best of wives and best of women" would describe you. don't forget about me, i'll see you soon.
ever yours, lydia

i looked back up, not caring how my running mascara looked against my soaked cheeks. stiles and scott, standing to the left of me escorted me back to our seats, almost afraid I wouldn't make it back without becoming a weeping mess, which i probably would have.

i sat between them and they both squeezed my hand. i leaned my head on stiles shoulder and felt warmth for the first time as he softly kissed my hair.

looking up at the sky, i whispered

"come back kira."