The Last Othellan

The Mines of Moria

The long, twisting paths of Moria seemed to stretch out eternally in front of the fellowship as we wandered endlessly atop them. Shadows in the distance made strange shapes in the flickering, inconsistent light of Gandalf's staff, so that creatures of the night seemed to rear up suddenly from the darkness.

I walked just behind Gandalf, and in front of Legolas. The fellowship barely said a word the first few hours in the mines, and finally Gandalf decided to stop for a short rest. The hobbits were exhausted. After all, we had hardly stopped since walking from the mountain pass to the mines.

"I'll take first watch" I muttered as everyone slumped to the floor. Most were too tired to argue, so I leant against a crumbling stairway and slid my quiver off my back, although I drew my sword out of its sheath and held it securely in my hand, my eyes sweeping the darkness, and my ears straining for any sound.

My senses were heightened in this environment. I was not used to being underground, in darkness, and I could not pretend to myself that I did not hate it. The mines felt like an eternal tomb, from which there would be no chance of escape.

"Ah" muttered a weary voice from beside me. Turning to my left, my eyes met Gandalf's. He smiled and leaned on his staff to sit down next to me.

"You should sleep Mithrandir" I whispered, while the deep breathing of my companions filled the cramped space where we took our rest. 

"Legolas told me of your dreams" he said slowly, his flyaway eyebrows raised. I contained myself from rolling my eyes. That elf...

"What do you think I should do about it?"

"If I am correct, this enemy you speak of has allied herself with Sauron's forces" he began, weighing every word "It is possible, but unlikely, that, if she can inflict physical harm on yourself, she can do it to others."

"So the fellowship are in danger" I stated quietly. I had known it for a while, really. What if the very person I had joined the fellowship to protect was in more danger because I was here? I couldn't stand it if I hurt Frodo, or one of the others.

"The fellowship are in danger whichever way we turn, with or without you in the company" Gandalf muttered back

"But you are in more danger with me here" I insisted.

"Aúthiel, I wouldn't have sent you to accompany Aragorn and the hobbits for any reason other than to benefit you. You have been alone for so long now, that you must forgive me in taking an opportunity to give you some companionship. However, now, I feel you can benefit those around you also. You are a warrior, a born warrior, and you are of great use to the fellowship. The good of you being here far outweighs the bad" Gandalf said kindly.

I smiled sadly. "Perhaps one day, I won't be a danger to all who I meet"

"Perhaps one day, you will see what others see in you, old friend" Gandalf said, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. His eyes travelled over the dark shapes of the fellowship, lingering overlong on one sleeping figure who was covered in shadow and who I could not see.

Gandalf and I spent the rest of our watch in near silence, but the presence of my oldest friend was a comfort. I was grateful for someone to while away the time beside. Eventually, Boromir and Aragorn took over and I fell asleep quickly.

It seemed to be no time at all before I was shaken awake by Aragorn, snapped out of yet another nightmare. It was not her, not this time, but it was equally as bad.

The memory of the dream swum in front of my eyes. My mother, her eyes disappointed and grief stricken, watching me stalk out of Othella's gates, the spears of guards who had once protected me pointed at my retreating back from all directions. I had been banished, and that is how it had started. I had kept my head held high as I left the only place I could call home, but inside my heart burned with unquenchable guilt and shame.  How mother died when Othella had been destroyed uncounted years after I had left, I did not like to think.