Misc. Files

Holding On

Did I love you? I don't know what love is, nor will I ever figure out. Sometimes, I would imagine us two having fun together, doing what people 'in-love' do. I wanted to hold hands, and get surprise hugs, and lay on your shoulder. I wanted to look into your eyes, and share kisses on the cheek, and get embarrassed in front of my friends. Is it fair? Maybe, I'm not sure what to feel about it. Should I cry, or laugh it off, can I forget about my feelings? No, I cannot let them go. Will I sleep well tonight? Will I wake happy tomorrow? I cannot decide, for my heart is ruling my mind. Remember that time we confessed? It seems like miles off in the distance, can I run back to it and cherish that moment again? Will it feel the same as it did before? My heart is still pumping and I'm still breathing, but...I feel dead. I want to hug you, but I can't reach you anymore, I'm cold. I thought you were the right one, I thought that that's where I belonged, maybe I was wrong, but people make mistakes. Yes, it hurts, it hurts really badly, I can't stop thinking about you, why did this happen? Did I take a wrong turn? I don't even own my own my heart anymore, you have it. Make a damn decision, take it with me, or give it back. I never got to ask you those cute questions, I still have you on my mind, I wanted your be by your side everyday, but, it won't happen I guess. You said it was for my own good, but what's 'Good' when there's no 'Bad'. It's not about what 'you think', can I smile the same ever again? Im sitting, and my mind is heavier than myself. My eyes decided to shed tears for you. I think I loved you, maybe I did. I was so damn happy, I felt happier than ever before. When things got tough, I ran to you, and you always made me laugh, and smile ear to ear. I spread it around, and they were happy with me, happiness got contagious. But those feelings were mixed from spending a while or two away from you. I became needy for the Happiness you gave me. That time, you were my only source of cheerfulness. Focusing was difficult when I thought of you, you made me stop me in my thoughts and smile. We had something, we were awesome together, but maybe I couldn't see it right, I was cleaning my glasses with a 'love cloth'. But, I have a question, do you still like me? Am I still your determination, will you tell me this. Was I just a phase?! You said you wasn't good enough for me, but I think you are perfect, I think you are unique, you're the nicest person I've ever met, you're funny, and cute, and smart, you're difficult, and annoying, but I loved that. You're weird, why? 'Because you're not normal, or crazy. Therefore, you are weird', but weird people, are amazing. No matter how far you drift away from what you confessed, from the times we had, I won't ever think about forgetting you..."I still love you."