Misc. Files

Ascending

I'm in this sort of melancholy ya know, just sitting in my bed, the sullen feelings ostentatiously floating to the crowded thoughts in my head. I just want to find that repose, and fall into a free peaceful sleep. I was thinking that the rumination from last night would help me, but it only made me weep. The daily events are pilfering away at what I called happiness, and turning sweetness into bitterness, and weighing heavily on my conscience. Lately I have been getting small dregs of hope from my acquaintances, but it only last for so long, until I listen to that one sad song, that takes me on a ride connubial with death. My life has become an indiscriminate window to success, and the luminous sunlight that was once there has now been suppressed because I'm digging a hole of my own unhappiness and creating a ditch of my own loneliness. The remonstrance for the light is finally dying down, for that was loud and futile, I'll just let my thoughts run wild, they'll go on for miles and miles. I can't help but think I brought this upon myself, I made the causes and that triggered the effect, I can't exonerate myself from blame, for what I did, burst into flames, my days will never be the same, because I can't keep my feelings contained, or tamed inside the bottle I have trapped them in, the lair that they fly about will never let them out. That flame is getting bigger and I can't do anything to put it out, it'll soon be a forest fire that'll spread across my body and burn me from the inside-out. They think of me sagaciously, with all the good things I do, but that's the outside, they can't really see the truth, because I refuse to show them. I never say what happens on the inside to the outside, for what happens internally in me is not of the regular feelings that a happy individual should experience, so I'll give a reticence of speech when they try to pull it out of me with that one sentence. I'm frank about a million of subjects, but talking about me isn't one of them, I don't trust enough to say the stuff that's been hanging there, so I'll bluff and move on with the tough on my shoulder. Life is a consternation of strong affectionate emotion that decides to confuse its host with figures of love and they come and go, I'm dodging life's ghost so I can take my post and be the utmost, climbing to the top, I won't ever stop. Condescension won't impact me, even my disconsolate emptiness won't stop me, because I have places to be and people to see, and things to eat and positive things to increase. I have many emotions and Sadness is the superciliously dominate, always returning from the dungeon I have locked it in, taking over my heart and not letting anything else come and be there for a while. I wouldn't say I'm felicitous and things don't fortuitously find their way to me, but I attract the right kind of shields to help me bounce back from that hidden space deep down, where I can't seem to kill. Someone wrap them in shrouds and bury them for me, make me forget about them, stop them from pervading the bad thoughts throughout my brain. I am yelling out for an amalgamation of my hand with another hand, for someone to interpose the spaces in between my fingers with theirs. I want to forge a happy heart, I want to be an interlocutor individual of positivity, and be a prodigiously individual for spreading peace and decrease all differences with oneself, I want to be that protection fleece, and cease the problems of this diseased savage masterpiece.