My Life

cant sleep

I dont expect you to read all of this or any of this its ok

Its 5 in the fucking morning and I can't sleep (thanks fuckin depression) I am laying on the couch in my living room taking care of my grandma and she is asleep right now but I am thinking about my life and I started crying because well I am a broken toy in the toy section that no one wants and obviously I am because a lot of people in my life have walked out on me its unreal like my grandpa my friends a lot of them to you know I remeber once I was sitting with my friend Cristina and I remeber her saying "we don't like you we just hanged out you because we felt bad for you cuz aaliyah was gone" and instaly I started crying and she walked off the bus like nothing fucking happened and aaliyah was my friend at the time but like everyone fucking else she walked out of my life but anyways I was walking home with my mom and my brother and sister and my mom was asking how everyone's day was and she came to me and she said "trinity how was you day" I just shrug and she asks again and she grabs me by the wrist and she sees me trying to keep my tears in but I couldn't I just...couldn't so right then and there I broke down and I hug my mom tighter than I ever did before and my moms friend was there and she said that when she saw me crying her legs went numb and god you don't know how hard it was to not cut or how hard it was to not kill myself but some how I pulled thru and that night I cried myself to sleep thinking I was worthless or I was a price of trash and at school I remember going to school the next day and I sat down at this wall that a few sixth graders sat at and there they were Cristina and her friends I sat down a few feet away from them and Krista (another girl who hated my guts at the time) she walked up with Cristina and the group and I was sitting with my knees brought up to my chest and I look over and they were standing in front of me and Krista says "trinity I'm sorry that Cristina said that can you forgive us" and I'm like
"Oh yea I will totally forgive you because I didn't spend a whole night thinking of how I am a worthless person or how I was a piece of something no one wanted"

Then cristina was like "I'm sorry I made you feel that way"

And yea I need be friends with them again but not good friends

Bye