Labyrinth (KradLuz)

Falling Into A Pit

~Luz Pov~

As I awoke on the next morning, I felt a pain running through my whole chest as if I did something very terrible and besides that, I felt unbelievably guilty, too. My heart ached even more as I saw Kradness smiling at me and as he was about to grab my hand, I jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. I couldn't stand this at all right now.

I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself, that was reflected in it. I glanced at the tall silhouette in front of me and as I finally couldn't hold back my feelings anymore, tears started running down my face and I sobbed. Why? Why did I do such things to him? Why didn't I hold myself back?

I stood there and cried, cried about the feelings I had, but to be more specific, I whined about the feelings I didn't have towards the brown haired guy, which now laid in my bed without having even a little clue what I was feeling towards him or thinking about. I knew that I would definitely destroy him with those words I had to tell him, I would break his heart with the truth.

After, I guess ten minutes, in which I did nothing but cry my eyes out, Kradness suddenly knocked at the door, I didn't even lock, but he was way too polite, to just open it, so he waited and asked a little bit worried and confused, "Luz-kun is everything alright?" Was everything alright? Even I didn't know the answer, I just rushed to the sink and washed my face with cold water. I hoped he wouldn't notice my eyes, which were red and swollen because I cried so much. After that I answered with a little "Yes".

He opened the door and stood in it for a few seconds and looked at me really worried. I guess, he saw through my facade right away. He must definitely know and watch me carefully. I just shook my head and said quiet bothered, "Let's go to the bridge in our village, I have to tell you something." Kradness nodded and then said nervously, "Can I clean myself before we go there?" I looked at him and mumbled a little "Of course", we both started to make ourselves ready and dressed up.

After that we went together to the bridge, which was completely empty. As I stood in the middle of it, I stopped, turned myself to Kradness and hold my breath for a short while. I gathered all my courage and said in a serious tone, "Kradness, I played with you, I don't love you at all, it was all just a bad joke." Of course I lied, I didn't wanted to say those words, but If I told him the truth, it would break him even more, so I just told him this instead.

Kradness looked at me, as if he was about to cry, I couldn't stand this expression on his face, so I avoided his gaze the whole time, even as he started to speak in a trembling voice, " You're lying, right? That is just a bad joke, isn't it?" I shook my head and said, "No, my actions yesterday, were just a bad joke." I heard how he started to cry and as I looked at him I saw how he pulled the ring, which I gave him, from his finger and threw it off the bridge.

I recognized how someone shouted in pain, maybe the ring hit him or something, but I didn't care at all. I just gazed at Kradness, who stood in front of me and cried. As I turned myself around and was about leave him alone, he mumbled, out of breath, "Why? Luz-kun, why are you doing this? I know that you didn't tell me the truth. Just spit it out!"

I didn't react to his statement and just went off the bridge and left him alone standing their crying about my selfish actions, but at that time I didn't care anymore, he would be better off without me, he could live a happy life with a woman and have kids, it's better this way.

To be honest, I thought this, but I wasn't convinced about it at all. The truth, which I didn't tell him, bothered me, the truth, which was, that I just wasn't able to distinguish admiration and love and because of that I hurt a boy who really loved me.

I made my way through the city and to my house, as I went into my room, I opened my laptop and accepted an offer from an university abroad, which they already made me about two weeks ago. I didn't tell Kradness about this, because I thought I wouldn't leave him and just reject it, but now, there's nothing to keep me here anymore.

In two weeks I would fly to the US and leave my old self behind and with it, maybe, I could let the thoughts of Kradness behind, too.

The day I left Japan, I was already awake at six in the morning, because I was nervous and wasn't that sure If I packed everything in and such things. After I ate breakfast and watched Tv, I opened my twitter and just scrolled down the tweets. After I broke up with Kradness, I didn't post anything, the curse of this, I didn't tell anyone, so there were many tweets rumors, about me being dead and such things, but I just ignored them.

The moment I reached the airport my nervousness got even worse, because that was my first time, going by a plane somewhere. As I boarded onto the plane, sat in my place, one beside the window, which I really enjoyed, because I always dreamed about seeing the scenery from high up, I looked out of it and saw someone standing behind the fence, which was a few meters away from the runway.

I looked closer and saw the only person I didn't want to see right now. Kradness. He stood there and gazed at me, at least I thought that his eyes focused me. As the plane started to depart, I saw how his gaze followed it, until I couldn't see him anymore. The only thing which bothered me the whole fly was, the cause.

Why? Why did he come to the airport? Did he know that I sat in this plane? If so, who told him this? The whole time I just thought about these unnecessary questions, which I maybe would never be able to answer.