LATIBULE
by halimaaaw
Song Choice: It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects
Genre: Romance
Sub-genre: Drama
My eyes wandered around my dim, dejected, cheerless room. I saw images of you — of us. You were smiling. We were smiling. I stood up and held the picture of us. Memories flood back as tears sprung from my eyes.
"Dying isn't the word," you said, "it's more like putting everything on pause. It's more like asking the world to please slow down, to say 'I'm sorry I can't run so fast.' Sometimes you beg life to give it a rest, to stop creating earthquakes in your bones. And sometimes new clouds start forming above your head when you've barely recovered from the last three storms."
"It's tiresome," you added, "and everything is too loud. But you don't want to stop living, you just need a rest."
Counting down as the sun rises, I counted the ways to find your face among the living. One... Two... Three...
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are wakefulness,
Dearest the shadows I live are numberless.
Little white flowers will not awaken you,
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.
Angels have no thought of ever returning you,
Would they be angry if I mind of joining you?
Raindrops gradually knocked on my glass window. I could hear the crying skies as if they were torn, falling to earth to show their sadness. Despite the rain, I felt that I'm in the midst of silence — a deafening silence, and it was killing me. A thin fog came in its ghostly formation, enveloping the wet streets outside. What a gloomy Sunday — there is nothing special today, nor have I ever been reminded of something too grateful to smile upon? The absence of light and colors filled my room, along with my decaying loneliness. I don't mind telling you how depressing this silent room was — so silent that I want to shout out my feelings, but I didn't, because I know no one cared and no one will care. We all fight for a position — we all want to be seen and heard by the person who surrounds us and by the person who we loved.
I breathed cold air, and I was expecting for nothing and no one. As I breathe for my last sunrise with you, I played a thought of following you. They wouldn't understand me, and they would forbid me if I do so, I know. But Love, I've never been so alone. I can only form words to fight for you but I can't make them believe that our love was true.
These flowers you left me, they withered along with your memories. People keep saying that I have to move on, but I didn't 'cause I can't. I cried and bled black tears, staining my pale face with no aim of wiping them away. I thought that, if they would not let me be with you, then nobody could ever be with me.
This Sunday, I lay awake, fed up with my only escapade and swallowed every ounce of its bitter intent. I close my eyes and deep inside, I tried to listen and tried to find you as I have always chased you in my dreams. The eerily sharp scratching sound of this tearful song is corrupting my mind and gramophone. My heart couldn't take it anymore.
Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all.
My heart and I, have decided to end it all.
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are sad, I know.
Let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go.
At last, the sun rises and it all came down to our final minuet. It's too late to fight and too late to survive. How I wish we could do this again, maybe for the rest of our lives. But what life is worth living for if it is without even a shadow of you? All I can do now is wait so you could wait for me too.
I clutched the letter to the ones who love me. They will soon realize it; I just hope they do. I am yours, and now you have come to take me. Like the angel that you are, I've answered your invitation to come away with you. Let them know how we let this love story exists in this world. Let them know that not even death could seperate us. Let them know that even heaven prohibited this kind of destiny, fate or whatever it was, I can be with you — even timing wasn't on our side and fate was not in favor in the idea of us. With the last breath of my soul, I'll be blessing you. As this song fades, let us take this chance to disappear completely. Nothing could hurt us anymore. I'll be with you. Please be my undying love forever.
I am James, and I fell in love with my teacher... Joseph.
Finishing to ten, I stopped my heart from beating.
