Chubby Cheeks.| ✓

Alternative Ending! ;)

THIS IS NOT THE REAL ENDING.....' THIS IS AN ALTERNATIVE ENDING! DONT GET CONFUSED!

THIS IS JUST 4 FUN! :D

I REPEAT THIS IS NOT THE REAL ENDING. THIS CHAPTER IS JUST FOR FUN!

This is it.

I have no idea how and where we drifted off.

One year... one year and I are still not over you. There must be some explanation to why something bad like this has to happen when I was completely and positively in bliss. There must be something that I missed in between our happiness and love. I believed I had it under control and I am swiveling in bliss but it seems like fate has a cruel game to play and I am stuck, without any directions... without any support.

When I look at my baby, I can't help but feel hatred for myself. You are just two months old. But, your smile dips into the same small dimples like his and the same glint in his eyes. Why did you have to have that same chocolate eyes and hair? I want to resent you. I want to throw you away. But, when you look into my eyes, you smile with that soft gums and I can't help but smile.

When the threat of Den doing something if Den couldn't have me- was a threat but it remained as a threat... without any radical explanations, and we believed it. We laughed and had fun and had the most amazing time.

When I knew I was pregnant after our visit to India, Alex was over the moon. I remember the color of his face like the sky I see always. I remember his handsome face like the nature I adore. He was still alive. In my dreams, reverie and pretty much everything... he remained as a star in the inky sky of my life. But now as I look down into my arms, and see the most beautiful baby cuddled to my chest, cozily snoring into the night; I couldn't help but burst into tears. I tried hard to not make any sounds, yet, my baby squirmed in my arms and I cooed in between tears, to make him okay.

The night has fallen into the bosom of my sun-kissed skin, and once again I feel my heart shudder at the fragrance of your touch; so bleached, it was glued into my mind... that you haunted me...every day... Into the infinity, I gaze and I find nothing. But the feeling of warm entwining through my back was not the rays of the sun but the haunting memories of you; who walked out from my life but was not strong enough to stay out. So you came back with those smiles making me want to believe in the possibility of otherwise; just because I want to hold onto something that might give me the chance to twist time. I wish for something that may give me the chance to alter the fate that has already plastered its existence into me. But, I wish... I wish...

In every murmur of twilight till dawn, I hug meticulously the folded quilt, inhaling deep the absent relish of musk, your favorite cologne. Caressing each crease, I treasure the warmth of you, steadily sighing desires, I timidly squeeze myself to sleep in the cold, the moon gleaming milky dreams into me and I jump at every cricket's breath, believing, my pillow is you...

Soaked pillow, cold blanket and half empty bottle of vodka, makes me realize you are only a vague inclination now in my brain; that's stubborn to never forget...you or any memories that build in my gullible heart. What can be done and said is long gone, as your footsteps started to fade from my shores of hope.

I wish we had that chance to do our white wedding. I wish I had a chance to dress in the white dress. I wish I had a chance to do my black and white wedding plan. I wish... I wish...

Each passing seconds is a torture, etching stories of what could have been if you still hold my hands, where will we be if you were here in my bed, what will we do if you cling on to me. Erasing it off, I feel a part of me ripped apart.

I should not have underestimated the power of our enemy and I am sorry to have...

Even though Nat tried so hard not to be together with David in front of me, she couldn't fool me; who is she playing with? I can feel her love from miles apart and I am not complaining. Brono tries so hard to act like he and Chris were just friends. But, why do they pretend?

Now, as I slowly walk towards the destination, watching each leaves playing a different dance, I couldn't help but wonder, what it would have been to share our first dance.

I swiftly rubbed my tears and toppled down into the ground where your name have got engraved onto the gray stone with an Angel kneeling down on your grave. oh, the irony of it.

A feeling being belonged, to somewhere far... away from pretense, soothed me. Yet, now that the grave engraved your name; my pillars of strength fumbled down. Crushing my guts, it gouged my need for survival. In the corner of my mind, I still lurk behind the shadow of your tombstone. I write with my heart so dark bout the elapsed memories; etching verses so senseless. There is a 'you' and 'me' in every sentence. Looking back, my black bleak eyes were onyx of trepidation; now, it's the trademark of my hurt. I can never act nor pretend... even if you order me to, even if you ask me to. 

I have lost my half, my life, my soul and my purpose.

Den indeed had connections. And he did a very good job in hurting me, he blew up my life, in front of my own eyes, he had to blow up Alex's car. I saw the car blow up into puffs of smoke and fire. There was no inch of his body that I could see for one last time. He and our car and our future... blew up into scorched epithets.

Tears are an understatement...

Our rose lay dried and rotten in the hem of your black stone, crumbling like the weak body I have become; a twisted fetal lying on your grave. Sinking down into the succor of darkness... I can feel your tear stained face kissing my face.

The end!

I can't stop myself. I hope you like this! ;)