A Glimpse of Fiction

extreme

tw: alcohol, swearing

They persuaded me that it'd be a good idea.

I think I'd just finished my fifth cider, I remember chugging it because it was taking too long just to drink it and I was holding someone's hand as they led me to the theme park.

Some guy had joined us and he seemed pretty chill. I honestly thought that wig was more of a conversation starter that anything else but the fact I was pretty drunk and hugging everyone in sight might've affected that too.

I can't remember his name but I remember adding him on snapchat and I remember how he tried to convince one of my friends to go on the ride with him. I said I would, but I think I was drunk and my other friends told me that I was going on it anyway.

I chucked my cash at the lady behind the desk who exchanged it for a token and I just followed my friend in front of me on the ride.

She looked really beautiful, I knew that even before I had been drinking. Her hair was messy, it was in a bun or something, and she had glitter on her face like a thirteen year old at her first festival. The others had glitter too - I saw them reapplying it throughout the day as they sparkled in the sun. Bit like Edward Cullen in Twilight, I realised later.

I had to take my wig off. And my sunglasses. And my jacket. Couldn't risk the ride in them, especially after losing my wig on the Waltzers.

I felt small without the neon pink Afro that had adorned my head all day and the tutu seemed like a good idea earlier but was now pretty cold and I couldn't even lie down because of the skirt being so short and it stuck up so obviously.

But my friend lead me to a seat and I sat down and looked around for that new guy and the other girl I was with.

I felt like a small child in the huge seat, being only a tiny thing at the best of times (having been reminded that "you're so thin, I feel like I'm gonna break you"), and now just feeling dwarfed. And I wasn't very sober and I probably wasn't walking straight and I think I chundered at some point? I felt like a child.

I'm pretty sure they were treating me like one too. A lot of reassurance and a lot of love was going on. But maybe they'd been drinking too - I'd definitely smuggled several ciders into the area by narrowly avoiding security and interrupting comedy show audiences.

There was some song playing in the background, but I can't remember it very well. It had a heavy drum beat though and it encouraged the adrenaline running through my veins.

I remember pulling the black safety thing down and sitting their in anticipation as I waited for the ride to start.

I was muttering as we started spinning.

"It hurts your feet!" was the only words of warning I'd been given before going on the ride and it wasn't awfully reassuring as we started to rise higher above the ground and circle the grass below.

My friend reached for my hand and I embraced the comfort in the unfamiliarity of the ride.

Don't usually drink and ride, not gonna lie.

We started spinning faster and this time it was at 90 degrees to the ground and I was screaming and she was screaming and everyone was screaming and the whole feeling was so exhilarating and it was incredible.

Then she turned to face me and yelled in my face.

"GECKO OVERDRIVE!!!!"

I let go of her hand as we both attempted to dance and sing because man, this was our song! Our shitty, bass-ridden dance track.

I don't know how we danced on a spinning structure at 90 degrees and I can't even remember if our attempt was successful but I felt pretty damn alive and I felt happy and for that moment, next to that friend, I was enjoying my life.

And yes, it may have been the alcohol and the adrenaline and the tutu and the general festival gear but I was happy and life was good.

The wind was in my hair and it was pulling gently away at my bun and letting waves cascade loosely over my shoulders as I reached again for her hand.

"You okay?"

I nodded, smiling as she laughed at my hair.

"Oh my fucking god, man." I couldn't even form complex phrases as we continued to spin faster and faster and it was crazy. I couldn't even think properly but I was wondering how I had gone so long in my life without this and without her, honestly.

I love my friends a lot.

And I think they love me too. They tell me they do a lot. They love me a bit more when I smuggle them alcohol (or paracetamol when they have bad headaches). But then again, free alcohol is a gift no one ever really wants to turn down.

I was losing myself in my thoughts and the ride messed with my head and they were right when they told me that it hurt your feet but it was worth the pain because I felt alive and I felt like, even if it was only for a brief moment, that my life had some purpose.

And I knew when I was spinning and I saw her in the corner of my eye, so happy, and I caught sight of the friends we'd come with that I was happy and that I had people who loved me and people who cared for me and people that reciprocated my immense love and compassion for them.

And even if it was just the vibe, it made me feel awake and it made me feel loved and it made me feel alive.