Too Close

11

Two days later, they found a donor.

This was so incredible and unexpected- like something needed Calypso's father alive. She'd never believed in miracles until a miracle happened to her. The operation was scheduled for the next Wednesday. Calypso longed to be at home with her dad that week, but he insisted that she go back to school. Right before she left to go back to school on Saturday, she spoke to the surgeons. The words rang in her ears: "There's a very good chance that he won't make it through the operation. I'm sorry, Miss Masterson," All throughout the next few days, the only thing she could think of were those words. They hit her like a brick. She didn't go to school that Wednesday afternoon. She walked around the city and went to all of the places she always would go to. She felt like she was saying goodbye to it all, like if her father died, the spirit and fun of life would too. She found a nice big bridge with no people on it. Calypso took some photos of the sunset. Her father would just about be ending his operation now. The thoughts of her father's possible death hurt her even more than they did when she first found out that it was a possibility. There was a heavy pain of anger and sorrow swelling in her chest.  

*TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT*

The doctors told me that he probably wouldn't survive the operation. If he didn't make it through, I would be alone. They left me. All of them. Astoria left, mom ran away, and now dad's leaving me here. I'm stuck. Stuck in life. The only alternative is death, but that's a one way ticket. I want to be between the two, not alive, but not dead. Just floating, hovering among the two worlds - like a celestial being Calypso said to herself, inching closer to the edge of the bridge. But I can never be both dead and alive, or neither. And maybe a one way ticket is all I've got she thought as she gripped the thick steel railing on the edge of the bridge. She slid herself up onto one of the heavy steel beams, her legs dangling over the edge as she sat. If this one way ticket is all I have, and I need a place to escape to... she concluded, rising into a standing position.

"I'm holding on for my dear life, to the railing on the roof, And the ground below me looks up and says "What are you gonna do? are you gonna throw it all away, gonna end it all, or not? And I'm waiting for the phone to ring, to hear your voice again-" Calypso sang in a hushed voice. She'd expected tears to come pouring out of her eyes, but they never came. Maybe it was because this was at the center, her core. Everything else that got close made her cry, but not this, because this was herself, and she could control what she was doing. All she had to do was slip off gently, then she would be far away from everything that would hurt her in life. Calypso inched closer to the edge. This was Astoria's escape. She just ended it all for herself. Maybe the same will work for me, Calypso thought. She just didn't want to feel anything anymore she wanted so desperately to finish it. She'd given up on life, and she'd lost the fight. Until she felt a buzz in her pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Miss Masterson?"

"Yes this is her,"

"We at the Albany Memorial Hospital must inform you-"

Here it is. He's dead, isn't he?

"-Your father's operation-"

He didn't make it through.

"-Was successful. Your father will be out of the Hospital in a week or so,"

Calypso took a few steps away from the edge of the bridge and lowered herself off the supporting beam. That was when the tears came. They rushed through like a flood and Calypso managed to mutter thanks through her tears. Suddenly a whole different song came to mind.

"When push comes to shove, I might as well just jump" was only one line of the lyrics. Another was "Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending one where you don't burn out all too soon." And a brand new ending it certainly was