creating constellations

an apology

i'm sorry i am like this, i say i will write things and then i keep deleting them. the honest truth is that it's not all about writers block. i'm scared guys, i don't want to lose you. i never thought i would have this big of an audience and now i can't stop obsessing over the number of views one chapter gets compared to another, trying to decide what each one-word comment means (and if they're sarcastic or not), and worrying that i won't get inspiration soon or i will start to write things that aren't to the best of my abilities and all of you guys will just slowly slip away. i am so scared of that. you guys make me so happy, this app has helped me so much and all of your comments and messages have helped me so much. i tried to write that short story, i really did. but i rushed, and i don't know why it was bothering me so much, but i nearly had a panic attack. if you know me, you will know that criticism, confrontation, and letting people down are three of my worst fears. 

when i receive your messages saying that i have helped you in some way, it immediately brightens my week. i never thought i would get over 17 views, honestly. helping people is the opposite of letting people down, obviously, and those comments and messages help so much with my fear, so thank you.

i love you guys a lot,
i just really don't want to lose you.

sorry for rambling.

-mae.