Mind Of A Slave

I don't know

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT to do. They are gathered together outside their cabin, whispering, watching, waiting.

Beckey appears out of nowhere and grabs my arm.

"You's wet," she exclaims.

"I knows."

"Where you goin', Cass?"

"To the house."

Her grip on my arm tightens.

"Ain't nobody can go there less Noah says you can, you knows that."

I put my mouth next to her ear. "Ain't nobody gone be givin' us instructions no more," I whisper.

Beckey pulls back, alarmed.

"Union's arrived," I explain. "We gone be free!"

For a moment she doesn't speak. Then she says, "Go, girl."

So I go.

But first, I head for Amos's cabin. I enter without knocking. There's chaos inside. People are arguing and shoving each other. I see Jack talking to his father.

"Jack!" I shout, "Where's Amos?"

He shrugs. "What's going on?"

I can barely hear him over the din. "Union's here! War's gone end."

I dart around two men at the door and run along the cabins, my eyes searching frantically for Amos. Where is he? I think about when he told me he was leaving. He couldn't have already left, could he? Surely he didn't leave so soon, not without saying goodbye...

I start to panic. My eyes blur with tears and I can't see where I'm going. I bump into someone and he catches me before I fall.

"What's goin' on?"

"Union's here," I say, for what feels like the hundredth time.

"You okay?"

The familiar voice sends relief to wash through my veins.

"God, Amos..." I bury my face in his shirt. It smells of determination and faith.

I look up and he presses his lips to mine. He puts his hand behind my neck and pulls me closer. I kiss him until I need to stop to breathe.

"Amos, I were thinkin' you was gone. Thought you escaped..."

"Naw," he says, as if my concern amuses him. "I ain't gone leave you Cass. I ain't ever gone do that."

There is a huge crash as part of the house founders. I think we both start to run at the same time.

"Follow me," Amos shouts. He runs as fast as he can through the cotton field, towards the house, towards the fire. "Hold my hand!"

I grip his hand and follow in his wake. Part of the field is now on fire. The house continues to burn. We don't stop moving. There are flames everywhere around me, including in my lungs as I run on.

Someone seizes my hand and yanks me away from Amos.

I tumble onto the ground. I roll over and find myself staring up at a white man in a dark blue uniform. He waits until I get to my feet and then he presses the point of his gun into my chin. I stand completely still, glaring into his pale brown eyes.

"Go to your hut," he commands, forcing me backwards by pushing the gun harder against my chin.

My focus on his eyes doesn't waver. I feel Amos's hand slide into mine. The gun digs into my skin. I'm going to have a bruise.

Suddenly Amos lunges at the man and snatches the gun from his hands. He swings the barrel into his face. The man falls to the ground. Amos reaches for my hand.

"C'mon." And we start to run again. We stop at the back of the house. There are no men there and this part of the building is not alight.

I don't realise I'm trembling until I bring my fingers to my chin and I can't hold them still.

My fingers stroke my face and then I realise that they are not mine, but Amos's. He traces a line from my cheek to my forehead and over the bridge of my nose. I shiver. I'm glad when he doesn't mention the fact that I'm soaking wet.

"You's alright?" He asks.

"Yeah," I breathe.

There's a loud snapping noise from inside the house.

"Where's Julia?"

"I don't know."

"You thinks she got out?"

"I don't know."

"She gotta have escape, right?"

"I don't know."

"Ain't we gone do somethin'?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

We stand looking up at the house. The fire flows around the side of the building so that now the whole thing is enslaved in flames.

A soldier runs past us. He carries a can and a rifle. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't even look at us. He disappears around the corner and we're left alone, staring into the flickering orange light, the heat of the fire pounding our faces.

"What we gone do?"

"I don't know."