The Between Girl

Mother I'm Sorry

Beth heard that and now it doesn't surprise me that she can hear things no-one else can so she understands when I run out and race home, it's never good to keep my mother waiting. I pass all the trees and people but I don't slow, I don't stop to apologize, I don't stop to gaze at the sunset. I run.

I manage to get home within 10 minutes when it normally takes me half an hour, out of breath I collapse in front of my house to collect myself and my thoughts. There is much that I have done and I need to figure out what she is mad about. She only ever phones me if I disrupt the peace between us. Meaning that she can't ignore that I'm her daughter.

Taking another calming breath, I brace myself and walk into my house. Silence. I walk through the hall, noticing the fading paint, and see that the light in out dining room is on. When I walk in, I growl, inside though, on the outside my face is a perfectly calm mask. She set out dinner. The whole deal which could only mean one thing - school must have caught her up on the absences. Unfortunately I was in for a surprise.
"Hello Mother." I mutter as I go to wash my hands.
"Where have you been?" She questions, always suspicious.
"With Beth." I sit down and begin to put pasta on my plate, she may not understand me but she sure can cook and even when my stomach is filled with knots I can't resist her cooking. Shame that it won't work like it used to, it won't make me talk ever again, not after last time.

"How have you been?" Stupid small talk, no way to avoid it though, she know how to play this game well. I've learned though my mistakes. Sucks that she is a psychologist.
"Fine, the usual and you?" My tone is polite, like talking to a stranger.

"Work is keeping me busy." After that conversation ceases and we eat, there is a tension that is different to the times before, like a finality, I brace myself for a change yet again. As we finish our meal, I clean up with a familiarity of a routine done many times before, soon everything is put away and we move to the living room to finally 'talk'. 

"School called. Want to know why you have been having so much half days." She signs and sits on a sofa, I move and sit on the opposite one.
"I've been helping a friend." And met 3 killers and was nearly murdered and learned a lot. But of course I don't say that, better keep it simple.

"I'm worried about you." Worried my ass, I'm just an inconvenience disrupting her life.

"No need," I smile at her, fake as fuck but people see what they want to see," it's all sorted out now. I'll not miss more school."
"I think it's time for a move." 

What. The. Fuck.

All my life we have not moved house. Her life is here. Even when the gossip was bad, we never moved. Ever. What the fuck changed now?

"No." Simply that, her eyes flash with surprise, I have always wanted to move. But not now, now everything is changed.
"I don't think it-"
"No." I stop her, before she can try and pull a high card, she has nothing except that she is an adult and I the child, not for long though. I'm already 17, and in 6 months I will be an adult.

I walk out. There is nothing to be said. If she really does goes I can always go to Beths house, I may not have been there before but she wouldn't want me to go, would she? I go to my room, lock the door and sit on my bed, shell shocked. What is happening with everyone? Why does it feel like everything is being turned upside down? Even I finally felt that everything started to make sense, that there was nothing more, there goes another blow. 

I feel like I should just hide under the covers for a few weeks to recover.

tap tap tap

What the... Fucking asshole. I open the window silently and motion for silence and to move in the room. I see the crisps and skittles in her hand and smile, she knows when I need her. As if on que, I hear the door close as my mother leaves once again to her job.

"You scared the shit out of me, Beth. I'm glad you're here." I hug her, I don't do mushy stuff but I am glad I got her.
"You weren't the one that had to stand and throw rocks at a window for 10 minutes before someone noticed." She glares at me but I see the smile she tries to hide.

I get the movies while she gets the blankets and food ready, a familiar routine, a nice one, filled with happy memories.
"I have suicide squad, wanna?" I ask while looking through my collection of movies.
"You bet." There is something wrong, the twinkle in her eyes is dimmed, her smile not as happy as before. I set up the movie, plonk down on the pillows pilled high, sit facing her, not the TV screen though.

"Spill." I command my best friend.