Undiscovered

The sorries

Weeks pass, and I still haven't went to visit Theo. He's called multiple times but it only sparks up the memories again. Even though it was unexpected I really wanted to be a mother. I just thought it would be a fun experience to have someone so small and vulnerable need you with their little life. To completely depend on you.

I'm sitting in my bedroom reading a book on my bed while I also play some nahko bear music. Books are my drug. It's pulls me out of reality and takes me into a world of sheer imagination. It takes my trail of thoughts elsewhere for the time being, and it's exactly what I need at the moment.

The room that Zoë has given me is huge. She's decorated it beautifully with a giant wardrobe at the front with mirrors all over and she has a huge tv on a bracket on the wall next to it. There are two windows. One right behind my bed which I now have opened to let in a small breeze and the one at the side which is closed but still lets in light.

Right now Zoë is working so I have her whole place to myself. I don't know what to do with all of this free time. Should i take a hike? I don't have much friends in the area at the moment but there's nothing more I wanna do than to visit Theo.

The last time I was with him I stormed out because he just did something stupid and it bugged me. I don't know if going back to him would be the best idea. He could get aggressive again or he could become better but I just don't know.

I don't think I could handle another lash from him. He could kill me in a heartbeat and he wouldn't think twice about it.

Just when I'm getting completely lost in my book I hear a LOUD bang. I almost jump out of my skin and it sends my heart racing. I run downstairs as fast as I can and throw the front door open to see a car, with a tree almost cutting it in half.

Before I run over to see who it is I call 911 and tell them to hurry. After I've hung up the phone I race over to the car. As I get closer I realise that whoever is in the car must be dead. I don't think anyone could survive that. The tree would have crushed someone.

I'm right at the front now and I wave my hand a bit to see through the clouds of smoke that are forming and I notice that it's Theo. A strong smell of alcohol is coming from him and he lays with his head tilted to the side, and blood, smeared all over him.

I stare at him stunned. Too stunned to react. My body panics, sending goosebumps to my skin and sending tears to my eyes. I do my best to get the car door open despite the dents and pull on the handle as hard as I can, but the door is too twisted, I'll not be able to get it open.

"Theo" I shout. The window is smashed and is laying on the ground next to the car, so I can put my hand in and shake him. I grab his face with my hand and shake it a little. "Hey, Theo! Can you hear me?!" When he doesn't respond to anything I put two fingers under his neck to test his pulse.

When I can't find it I switch, just incase its the wrong part. I feel around for a minute until I find it. A strong steady pulse. Relief floods my body but now the mission is to get him out of the car. I run into Zoë's house and rummage through her closets and drawers to find some sort of tool to force that door open.

After a while I run out to her back garden and look through the lonely looking shed that sits at the back and find a bag full of tools. I open it and take a crow bar from it, and hurry back out to Theo. Im getting worried the car might go on fire, so I need to do this fast.

I wedge the tip of the crow bar into the edge of the door and push as hard as I can. The door is unlocked, it's just the pressure that's holding it closed, so all I have to do is bend it so that it's not being squished and it'll come open.

I dig the crow bar harder into the side of the door and after a long time of endless effort, the door flies open. I get inside and and start trying to pull Theo out, but something is holding me back. I pull in every direction to see which part of him is stuck and it appears to be his legs.

The top of the car has a tree between it, maybe it's took his legs too. I run my hands down his legs and when I get to the bottom, I feel that it is being crushed by the weight of the car, he may loose his legs.

There's nothing I can really do now if he's trapped, so I sit tight and wait for the paramedics to arrive. It's been a long time from I called them and I don't like sitting here knowing he could die, I need to try.

I grab my crow bar again and I crawl to the floor of his car. It's a little dark, but I have to work with what I've got.

I take the top of the crow bar and place it right beside Theo's leg, to the parts that's crushing him and I start pulling it upwards, so that I can try and loosen it to pull him out. I hold my breath so that I can push it harder and finally I lift it enough so that his legs are free.

I throw the bar to the side and and start pulling Theo's arms. He moves out of the car slowly, agonising for me to do, but I pull, and pull and pull until I'm sitting with his head in my lap and wiping blood from his face with my sleeve.

I put him in the recovery position (on his side) and take a look at his legs. His bones are completely out of place but I think a cast will do, as long as he doesn't pick up an infection. His heart is still beating, but he's unconscious and I'm pretty sure he's drunk.

The ambulance finally get here and they do everything so fast I can't keep up. After a big swirl of confusion the only thing I'm sure of is that I'm sitting in the back of an ambulance with the man I love, waiting to be told wether he'll live, or if he'll die.

It's a scary thing. Life itself is constantly shifting and then you look back on it all at the end of the day thinking 'wow. That was quick' because the thing is, you can never get a hold of it. Enjoy life at the moment because it's too short. You don't get another one so cherish it. Travel. Do something crazy because you'll remember it and it'll make you smile.

I'm holding his hand. Having him sit here, clinging to life is just unbearable. For a man with so much life to look so.. Lifeless. For a while there's been a huge gap in my life. An emptiness that I've been preserving just for him. He's the only one who can fill it. He completes me.

When we get to the hospital they take him into surgery right away. They make me wait in a little room that I eventually fall asleep in.

I'm starting to wonder if dreams are a sign. Last week I dreamt that I was at Theo's funeral again, but now I'm thinking that could really be dejavu. I could really burry his body in the ground, and only hold the memories of him. Each memory has a scar, which is forever.

I am internally broken. No amount of medicine can mend me. No amount of money or no amount of fame. Just him. And that's all.

_______________________________

".. He's stable, and he'll recover. Wether or not he'll walk again is still being examined but I think there's a good chance. Both of his legs are fractured and broken, so he'll be in a wheelchair for a few months, but it's nothing permanent. The operation lasted a few hours and he's physically drained but he's resting now, and he'll be fine" says the doctor.

He leads me to Theo's room where he lays sleeping peacefully. Damn he doesn't know how lucky he is to be alive. The doctor shakes me hand and leaves the room where it's just me and him.

I fall asleep again and when I wake up Theo is eating jello. He's always liked hospital food since we were here a lot with me being injured he was always eating it. He has a lot of cuts and bruises on his face and stitches going almost the whole way up his arm. I'm guessing his nose is broke because he has two black eyes and a bandaid on his nose.

He looks so beaten down. I lift my head groggily and rub my eyes. He takes my hand as soon as he sees My eyes are open. "I understand now.." He says "I understand the fear, and the pain. I'm sorry" he squeezes my hand weakly. He's never fully convinced me that he was sorry.. Until now.