Undiscovered

Loss

I sent Zoë a text to let her know what's happening while simultaneously speeding through the zigzag streets that she lives by. I'm getting very worried and the pain seems to be getting worse.

I park my car as close to the door as I can get and run inside, then I remember I forgot to lock so I have to run back outside and lock it.

I speed walk up to the girl at the front desk as she types vigorously on her computer. "Hi I need to see a doctor right away, it's kind of an emergency" I say. My voice is shaky and it sounds way too high pitched to belong to me.

"Name?" She says without looking at me. She's just a typical teenager bored of her job and taking no interest in her surroundings. I sigh "Shailene Woodley" I say. Her eyes raise immediately.

She stares at me wide eyed and her hands start to shake. "Oh.. Oh my god.. You're" she's soo nervous. "You were fine talking to me a minute ago just please let me see a doctor this is an emergency!" I say to her. She sits back down and types into her computer. "Right away" she says.

I have to take a seat to wait on the doctor to come and get me but it doesn't take too long. My stomach is in soo much pain right now and all I can think about is burgers. I'm starving.

When we reach the room the doctor instructs me to lay back on the table."what's been the problem?" He asks. He sits in a chair directly in front of me. "I just recently found out that I'm pregnant, only a few weeks, and earlier today I.. hit my stomach of something, and I discovered that i was bleeding when I got into the shower" I say.

"Lift your shirt up a little miss woodley" he says. I grip the hem of my shirt and pull up just a little bit, only showing all he needs to proceed.

He squirts some cold jelly onto my abdomen and moves the ultrasound stick around in circles. His eyebrows narrow. "What actually happened miss woodley?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders. "I told you, can you just please help me I'm in pain and I want to know how my baby is" I say.

I bite down on my tongue to stop my tears from falling. "Here's the thing.." He says. "Your baby has a heart beat, which is very weak. This whole time you've been carrying the baby, it's been out of place. In the medical world it's called an ectopic pregnancy which means your baby was growing in your fallopian tube instead of your whom, but other than that, because of whatever it was you bumped into, it would have made you're baby deformed, and it would have died later in your pregnancy. The reason you've experienced so much pain is because the baby burst your tube, and we're going to have to perform an emergency c-section to get it out of there before it kills you"

I throw my arm over my forehead and weep desperately into it. My sobs are loud and I'm
Hiccuping uncontrollably. i don't even care that he's standing here. It feels like all of my organs have liquified and are being used as tears.

I'm feeling occasional string of pain cursing through my breaking heart. My thoughts are scattered everywhere. I think I'm losing my mind.

Time passes. Even when It seems impossible. Even when each tick of the hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. even for me.

I could hear the blood pounding faster behind me ears as my worry deepens. "When will I have to go in for surgery?" I ask between breaths.

"Right away" he says. I stared uncomprehending, into his yes. He stared back without apology. This is his job. He's used to delivering bad news. He doesn't even care that this is my life.

It hurts now, but I just have to keep telling myself that time heals all wounds. He pulls over a wheelchair for me to sit in, and I place my limp body into it. He pushes me down some hallways then into a room full of people.

Someone brings me over a clipboard and a pen and tells me to sign the bottom of the paper. "Why do I need to sign it?" I ask. "It will ensure that we had your consent for the operation" says the doctor. I hesitate for a moment but of course I sign in the end.

"Okay we're going to put you to sleep in here, then we're going to push you into another room to have your surgery. Understand?" Says the doctor with emerald green eyes. "Yes" I reply then I lay back onto the bed and relax my body.

The doctor sticks a needle into the vein in my wrist, then everything goes black from there.

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I don't know how long the operation lasted for, but I wake up from it feeling more exhausted than I've ever felt, even before just falling asleep. My bones ache terribly. Every turn I make creating a different kind of pain in each joint.

They roll me to a private room where I will be able to relax a little more. Whenever I'm finally drifting into sleep, a doctor comes in and disturbs me. "I'm assuming you're probably very tired, so I'll make this as quick as possible. I've given you some morphine to help you with the pain, and your operation went very well" he says.

He smiles and walks back out of the room, finally leaving me in peace. I close my eyes and think of my family, eventually it leads to a long peaceful slumber.

________________________________

I've just had an operation and no one knows. I'm pretty sure I've lost my child, and that I've had drugs in my system and this just wasn't the plan. This is not how it was supposed to happen.

After a long time the doctor comes back into my room and breaks the news to me. "We removed the foetus from where it was, but we couldn't fix the damage it done to your reproductive system. I'm afraid you won't be able to have any children. You're baby made you become infertile, but it's good you came to us when you did, otherwise it would have killed you" he says. He lays his hand on my shoulder. "I'm very sorry for your loss, you will be able to go home whenever you're ready." He takes his hand away and walks out of the room again.

I pull up my shirt to thoroughly examine the the pattern of the stitches going across my stomach. I think stitches look cool until I touched them and felt a sharp pain spread through me. Nope. Won't do that again.

I get up and get dressed back into the clothes I had on before. I don't even know if it's the same day and my phone is in my car, so I check out of the hospital and get back into my car.