Undiscovered

Serious talks

When I got into my car my phone was dead, so I put it onto the portable charger and waited for it to turn back on. I turn the key of the ignition and listen to the engine waking up.

My phone finally turns on, just when I'm about to walk into a restaurant to get some food. I went into the hospital on Tuesday and.. It's Thursday now. Oh my god I was in there for two days. People must be wondering where I am.

I run into the restaurant and grab me and Zoë some dinner. It's already 6pm and she probably hasn't ate dinner yet. My food is ready quicker than i expected and I do my best to get there fast so that it's still warm.

I lock up my car and walk up her footpath and open the door. When I get in Zoë is out her back sunbathing and I look at her through the window. It's weird how hungry i am when I haven't felt hungry since I left Theo.

I knock on the window in her kitchen and she jumps, startled, spelling a drink on herself. "Dang it" she says. She wears only a bikini and her hair is in a bun. She gets up and walks towards me. I hold up the bag in my hand. "Got you dinner" I says.

She ignores what I say and she hugs me, tightly. I close my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder. She knows my pain. She's the only one who could really know, because she can't have kids either. Not because of any problems, just because she was born that way.

When we depart after a long hug, I give her the bag with the food in it. She takes it and plates it out and we sit at her table and talk.

"So they removed the baby. It was growing in the wrong place and it could've killed me, but even if it wasn't, it would have died later On in The pregnancy because it had a deformity. The poor child must have been in so much pain" I say.

Zoë puts her face in her hands and sighs. I see a tear trickle down her wrist and I feel a weight on my chest. I don't know what I could be feeling right now, but I think it's guilt. I feel guilty for telling her this. Every time I talk to her it's to say something bad, and She's probably sick listening to it by now.

I'm feeling like I owe her something. She's done a lot for me and she does it out of the kindness of her heart. When we've finished eating we go in and take a seat in her living room. She says its her favourite place in the house, because it gives her comfort and feels warm.

I lay my head on her lap and she plays with my hair. I start to cry while she runs her long skinny fingers through my short, thick hair. "How did the baby have a deformity?" She asks me.

I clear my throat and start explaining to her. "I hit my stomach on something. It's nothing" I say. She wipes the tear off of my face and continues her therapeutic head message. "Are you in pain?" She whispers to me. "Not anymore." I say my voice sounding husky.

"Shai.. I don't wanna tell you how to run your life, but you deserve more, better, than what anyone can give you. You're so soft. This world just beats you up." She says.

I know that she means something, but the proper words aren't forming on her tongue, but it makes sense in her head. Maybe she's telling me that I should get the fuck out of here, that I should start a life somewhere else and to just let all of the pain and all of misery go. Just leave it all behind.

Just leave it behind like a caterpillar, when it's finally got its wings. It starts of small and helpless, but it transforms and it gets everyone's attention.

I think pain is necessary. Without pain we would never know pleasure, and without hate, we would never know love. Everything comes back to us, and it's the small moments that count. The little ones that leave us wanting more because they're so valued.