After breakfast I decided to go upstairs and get dressed. I told mom I wanted to go by the hospital, I needed to check on Steph. I can only hope that since I didn't get any calls during the night or morning that she made it through the surgery. With how angry Jackie was with me, I couldn't be sure. Mom had to go back to work today which left me with two choices, drive her to work so I could use her car or go to school. The thought of walking from class to class alone, the questions, the stares, and the pity scared me. How could I ever go back there? I'll always be known as that girl who lost her boyfriend in a tragic accident. Each time I think of Tony my eyes fill with tears and my heart swells with pain and love. I miss him so much, I still can't believe he is gone. Thinking of Tony made me remember I had his phone. I quickly went to the dresser where I had plugged the phone in to let it charge. I got Tony a spare charger for my house since he always forgot to charge his phone at home. I turned it on and couldn't help but to cry. After the phone started up his background photo made me smile. It was a photo of the two of us at the carnival over the summer. I sat on the floor and leaned against the dresser and flipped through the photos on his phone. I laughed at the funny selfies, cried over the photos of us together and shook my head at the amount of photos of me and Steph he had on this phone. He never deleted anything.
A knock on the door snapped me back into reality. "Car, are you going to take me to work or.." mom spoke through the door.
"I'm coming mom." I put the phone on the dresser and grabbed a jacket.
Mom drove to work and stopped in the parking lot. "Do you need anything?"
"I think I'll be okay mom." I smiled at her.
"Carmen, I want you to know you are being a very strong girl. I am very proud of you, but I want you to know you can talk to me if you want to."
My eyes filled with tears there were so many things I wanted to say but the words weren't meant for her. I shook my head and fought the tears that were burning my eyes.
Mom shook her head and came around to the passenger side, pulled the door open and hugged me. "Talk to me sweetheart."
"I just miss him so much mom." I cried into her shoulder. Her smell engulfed me and some how comforted me. "I don't understand why he had to die."
"Carmen, listen to me. Tony was a wonderful person and he was taken far too early. You are going to miss him for a long time, maybe for your whole life. He will always have a place in your heart, he loved you very much but you know he wouldn't want you to cry, he hated seeing you cry." She pulled herself away and looked into my face. "Dry your tears and smile at the time you spent with him. You got to experience a love that most people only dream of." She wiped tears off of my cheeks and held my face in her hands.
I smiled at her and I knew she was right. My family had always taught us to rejoice the life people lived rather than dwell on it. It was harder than it seems, but it made it easier when I missed him very badly. "Thank you mom." I smiled at her before pulling her in to hug her once more. We said our goodbyes and after watching her walk into work I headed to the hospital. Moms words played over and over in my head while I drove. I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore today.
The hospital was its usual chaotic mess of nurses, families and rushing doctors. As I walked past the gift store I saw a stuffed frog in the window. Steph loved frogs and I knew I had to get it for her. I walked around the gift store looking at random get well balloons, toys and knick knacks. I spotted a frog shaped balloon and pulled it down and tied it to the stuffed frog. I walked to the counter and placed them in front of the clerk. I glanced up and saw a familiar face, it was a boy who had graduated last year I think. He was a smart guy and if my memory served me correctly he was a drug dealer or at least he used to be.
