When You Left... (Prequel)

Ch.4 - Vulnerable

Vulnerable

N A T E S P O V

I have had just about the worst two weeks ever, they have been at it none stop. By them I obviously mean the bullies, they have actually decided that they like to physically hurt me so guess what they've been doing? Yup, you guessed it, whenever no one was there or looking they'd do something to hurt me. Whether that be pushing me into lockers like they love to do or kicking me for the 'lol's. I'm pretty sure they are getting much more aggressive, maybe something is going on with them. I think they work out, well you know they are the best in our year group at sports. All the girls swoon over them other than those who are lesbians, though that doesn't mean they stick up for me. And I'm pretty sure there is only one lesbian couple in our grade yet no one bullies them, everyone bullies me because I'm 'gay' or whatever reason they wish. I have had countless of rumours spread about me, and it seems people hate me for being Luke's brother. Like I'm sorry my parents decided to have another child.

It's actually really pathetic, but yet it is causing me so much pain inside and out. I can't count anymore how many times I must have cried in the past three weeks, whenever Drew isn't over I find myself crying myself to sleep as quietly as I can. I have had at least 20 thoughts about just ending it all before it gets worse, my appetite has just about gone. I'm sure my parents are starting to see that, now they are becoming worried and that's yet another person being upset because of me. I am causing as much pain to other people as the bullies are to me, which is part of what triggers the suicidal thoughts. Yet no one is here for me to tell me different, it's fine though. I know no one cares, it's just nice to have a thought that maybe someone out there actually cares enough even to listen to me for a minute.

I remind myself that this has started ever since I joined that school, yeah it may have started out as teasing and slowly got worse. Now this is full on bullying, I'm just waiting for them to get hold of my social media and continue to make my life a living hell. At this point it's escalated far too much for me to tell anyone, too much problems and chaos. Two things that I do not like.

I have only talked to Luke 3 times in the past three weeks, three times. We used to talk everyday even when he went to London and did a mini tour, I told you he'd forget about me. You don't understand how much it hurts that I miss him so much and he can't even remember to text me, even if it's just an abbreviated message to save time.

I don't know how much more of this I can take, but I still have that feeling that it is going to get worse. I am actually scared to go to school, I haven't told that to anyone though. What if mum makes us move? Nu uh, I don't want that to happen. Maybe if the bullies left I'd be fine, I'd probably have to deal with the other people at my school picking on me but that's not as bad as the bullies.

I sigh looking at my TV, SpongeBob repeats are showing. I smile slightly hearing Patrick yelling at the customers, Drew is away with his family so I'm all alone for a bit. He won't be back until later on in the day on Monday, so he's leaving me even more vulnerable to the bullies. Yay.

I check my phone for the 10th time again this morning, a few game notifications and other junk notifications. Still nothing from Luke, great my own brother forgot all about me. The one person I was closest to, guess I have no one then. Just like Carter and the rest of his friends said, aka my bullies. Well they were right.

I don't even know why I try to have hope anymore, they're just going to knock me down.

I wrap my arms around my knees that are now drawn up to my chest, why does it have to be me?

***

I walk into the building that I call hell, this time with no Drew. Saying I am scared is an understatement, I am so on edge right now. My hands are shaking inside my pockets, I'm constantly looking around for the bullies or should I say Carter and his gang? So far I haven't seen them but I have had the most judging stares, no different to any other day then...

As I walk further into the building the more people stare at me, whisper, point or snicker. At this point I am sure something has happened that I am not aware off, this is more than what people do daily. They know something I don't know, I look down not wanting to meet anyone's gazes.

Just before I can walk into anyone I look up, a whole group of people surrounding someone. Is there a fight? I'm tempted to go on my tip toes to see but another part of me says walk away, though you know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat.

I walk around some people so I can see, there's no fight. No nothing, that's a lie. Right in front of me is Carter, holding something I haven't seen in a good year or two.

My eyes widen and I let out a gasp unintentionally.