When You Left... (Prequel)

Ch.25 - Talk

Talk

N A T E S P O V (few days later)

It's not the same anymore, I don't want to go school. For once it's not because of the bullies. I used to be able to wake up and know that Drew would be downstairs waiting to go to school with me, but now I have to deal with waking up knowing that he probably hates me. Funny that.

When I first met Drew I never thought he would have this much impact on my life, now look at me. I'm acting like the girls do in movies, crying because their boyfriend left them for some slut. Except this is my best friend, or should I say former best friend.

I haven't seen him in a week, I would love to say that's a lie. To say that I see him by his locker or in lessons but no, he's sat somewhere else in every lesson we have together and I never see him at his locker. I thought a couple of days ago, maybe just maybe he could be angry. Maybe everything could go back to normal when I see him at school, but no. I think this is it, he doesn't want to see me. Or at least that's what it seems.

It's been a week now since me and Marc started dating, he's been over as much as he can. Trying to cheer me up, don't get me wrong I do appreciate it. But it's not working, it's like I'm just sinking in sadness every day. My horrible thoughts are back, keeping me up at night. Most the time just whispering to me 'this is your chance to end it all' whenever I see something that could kill me, I've been tempted. A lot, but I haven't. Instead I would come home and be with my only friend again, my blade.

I have a feeling that I'm going to end up doing it on my thighs soon, but I'm trying to restrain myself. It's so hard, Drew was my anchor. He would always be here, most the time that was enough for me just to forget about my blade. Whenever I felt like I wanted to do it, Drew would show up meaning that I wouldn't be able. It's like he knew when I was going to do it and turned up.

My parents let me stay home today, I threw up. Not because I was ill, because my mind told me to. Whenever I saw myself in the mirror, it would scream. F A T or U G L Y, I have to be perfect. And if I can't be perfect at least I could be pretty, maybe then people would like me a little more. It felt nice, knowing that I lost a tiny bit of weight from doing that. I haven't had anything to eat since, but I'm not hungry so it's okay.

My dad is downstairs, mum had to go to work. He's supposed to be looking after me, yet here I am upstairs all alone. I don't even know if he is downstairs, he probably left thinking I was asleep. I don't think I'll be in school tomorrow either, something about if you are sick you have to stay off school for 24 hours. Which is no problem for me.

I don't have to see everyone's judging faces at school, Marc wants us to come out to them. I still think it's too soon, plus I don't want everyone attacking me because I'm out with him. I can already imagine some of the things they would say to me, and you know what's worse? They already think that I'm in love with Marc because Carter read my notebook, yeah if you think they've gotten over that. Boy are you wrong.

I sigh hearing my phone buzz, a part of me still hopes when I hear that buzz it's Drew. But it never seems to be. Picking my phone up I unlock it seeing it's from Marc, I knew it. Drew wouldn't message me, why would he?

Marky <3: Where are you ?? x

I forgot to tell him I wasn't coming in today, not that he would notice. He would probably be with Carter and the gang, if you're wondering what I did at school then the answer is I stayed in the library every lunch and break. Yes I know it sounds weird but if I'm going to be alone, then I'm going to be alone where no one can see me.

To Marky <3: Staying off today, sorry x

I lock my phone rolling back over, maybe I can sleep my pain away. Wouldn't that just be sleeping forever? I wouldn't mind either way.

...

I walk downstairs deciding to check if my dad is actually still here, I can hear the TV playing so maybe he is. Walking into the living room I see him sat on the couch looking faintly interested in what's going on, on the TV. I sigh, might as well socialise instead of going crazy in my room. I sit next to him gaining his attention, "How you feeling?" he asks and I shrug crossing my legs. "Still ill?" he asks, I shake my head but if I'm going to stay off school I still need to be faintly sick. "Just a headache at the moment" I lie, he nods.

"Need pain killers?" he asks, I shake my head again. "Let me know if you do" he says and I nod. And just like that it goes back to silence as he goes back to watching the TV, such a great bond we have. Note the sarcasm.

After the program ends my dad turns to me, surprisingly. I thought he forgot I was here, "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing" I mumble and he rolls his eyes turn his full body to face me, I just watch him saying nothing more. I yelp in surprise when I feel him pull me closer to him, "Nate, I have known you all your life" he starts before I cut him off

"Yeah because you're my dad"

"Yes I know that, what I was going to say is. I have known you all your life so I know when something is wrong" He says with that tone as if saying 'are you going to interrupt me again?', I keep quiet picking up a cushion to fiddle with.

"You have not been yourself, ever since Drew left on Saturday. I knew something was wrong, Drew never leaves without saying bye to us. And whenever he's over on the weekend he doesn't leave until Monday, my first thought was. They've had a fall out, so when I realised I haven't seen him all week I knew something was definitely wrong." He says and I look down, he doesn't know how right he is.

"And I know this is silly to say but you can trust me, and your mother. We would never betray you or leave you nothing like that. I just want to know what's making my little boy so upset"

I feel my eyes water as I continue to look down, I haven't had this much of a 'serious' conversation with my dad before. I haven't heard him call me 'my little boy' in years. "Come 'ere'" I hear him say before he's pulling me into a hug, why am I so full of tears lately?

I let the tears fall as he rubs my back, "I've l-lost h-him"

Eventually I calmed down enough to explain what happened, with a few sniffles and tears here and there. I somehow ended up telling him that I'm dating Marc which was kinda embarrassing, but he knows.

He reaches forward wiping my face, "I'm sure he doesn't hate you, why would he hate you because of such a simple thing? That's stupid" He says.

"Because he hates Marc, he didn't like the fact that I wanted to spend time with him." I say quietly,

"Drew has been your best friend for how long now? I can't even remember, that boy is like family to us as much you are family to his. I know he wouldn't throw away years of friendship because you are dating someone he doesn't like, look I want you two to talk about this. I don't want you crying yourself to sleep because you think he hates you" He says taking his phone out, I go to protest but he simply shushes me.

"No, I'm annoyed that he's behaving like this. It's not his place to tell you who you can and can't date, he's your best friend not me or your mother. You will talk about this even if I have to go over there and drag him out, I'm sure his parents won't mind" he says dialling a number, I'm pretty sure it's Drew's parents'.

I sigh resting my head on his shoulder so I can faintly hear what he's saying,

This should go well.