You're Killing Me Inside

chapter 3

Chapter 3: "Art of letting go"

Habang nagd'drive ako I turned the radio and WOAH! Babaeng humingi ng tulong or should I say advice?

"DJ Cha, I've been hurting all the time, I don't even know how to deal with this. Am I going to forget him and let go?"

"if I were you gawin mo ang bagay na makakapagpaligaya sayo. Sa palagay mo ba kung pagpapatuloy mo ang kabaliwan na yan ay magwowork-out ang lahat at magiging Masaya pa kayong dalawa? Eh kung kakalimutan mo siya at ilelet go mo, sa palagay mo magiging easy ang lahat at magiging fair ang judgment na nasa puso mo. Weigh everything before you act and judge. Kasi kung ako nasa position mo ay forget and let go. Saying goodbye is not bad at all, goodbye means you going back at ang let go you're starting a new beginning, a new chapter will open and end." That dj cha, pwede kaya akong humingi din ng advise sa nararamdaman ko? Should I call her? Or ignore? Whatever.  Bad thing was ay hindi ko nasimulan ang kwento! Kaasar!

"paano po ako mag lelet go kung alam ko sa part ko na mahal at gusto ko siya, everytime I saw him bumabalik parin including the pain he gave me." This girl we are sharing the same feeling. "am I that stupid? I decided na hindi na ako magpapakanga sa kanya, hindi lang siya ang tao sa mundo. Hindi lang siya ang taong kaya kong mahalin at magmamahal sa akin ng ganoon. I can find someone who is worth to my love, someone will protect me, treat me as his princess. Hindi siya ang magpapahinto sa mundo ko at tama na ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko sa kanya, thank you for listening to me." The girl said, I can sense that she's crying. She is saying those words habang humihikbi. Is this is the sign to let go and forget him? Can I do the art of letting go? I can and I will, no matter what it will take.

Nakarating ako sa bahay ko. Yes my house. My parents bought it for me, everytime they giving a visit it's only a drop-by and they don't stay for too long. I know and understand them as long as I can. My brother is in France with his career. I went to my room and sleep. Naramdaman kong bumibigat ang talukap ng mga mata ko all I can see is darkness.

What am I doing in this place? I can see myself with my friends around me. Calling him and teasing me because the way I feel towards him. I can't  help but to smile. Is this how stupid I was when I am sophomore student? He is Khalil Vergara. The boy I wished to spend my life with. I even joined the Newspaper club just to be with him, he is the cluster leader. I saw myself looking to him while he do some paper works, all though how hard his job he's still handsome. The place fades and this is so familiar. This was our foundation day in our old school.  I was standing in front the front of the altar while two boys holding my wrist firmly and I saw Khalil with another two stupid member of the club. I saw myself being married to him. We exchange the word "I DO" and wore the ring in each other hand. And kiss me on my cheek. I blushed. I felt his lips touch my cheek. And I follow them going to the gymnasium because of another program will be held. This is familiar. Now I saw him standing on the stage setting his e.guitar. I want to go home, please. I don't want to see this again. Now he played the "Ngiti". He sung romantically and passionately full of love. Tears are falling again. As I heard his voice

"That song was dedicated to my most supportive fans and specially to you" he said. He is looking to me straightly as I saw someone on my back, it was her. "You're my everything will you please be my girl? Dennise." That was the thing broke me, I can already feel the shattered glasses on my body. It hurts, it really hurts. How I ended up like this? Ang worst thing ay ang nakakabinging sagot ng kaibigan ko "Yes! I'm already yours" that's the worst thing happened in my life. He used me para mapalapit sa kaniya, akala ko ako talaga ang mahal niya. Ang dahilan ng mga ngiti niya. Tama ako nga pala ang dahilan ng ngiti niya "Villafuerte, thank you" he says I nod as a response I ran out of the gymnasium. The one I trusted bakit siya pa ang sumira ng tiwalang iyon? Bakit sila pa? ganoon ba ako Katanga para mag pabulag sa lintiik kong nararamamdaman. Bwisit na pag-ibig nayan dapat may precaution na dangerous! Para di na ako magtangka pang umibig. But despite the things he' had done I still like him. This is my stupid side and I hate it.!

At hindi ko namalayan ang pagyugyog sa akin ng babaeng to, anong ginagawa nila sa bahay ko?!?

"wake up at mag ready ka na sa school mo, I bet napuyat ka dahil kakaisip sa nangyari kagabi. And to tell you na Monday ngayon at sure akong malalate ka na sa klase mo so better hurry up. And your class every Monday is 9 am which is 7:30 na, so goodbye, we just dropped by para masure namin na wala pa kaming kaibigan na kailangang idala sa mental or rehabilitation and I guess everything is ok, so bye!"sabi ni aishlara at sa likod niya ay si loi. I heard na malakas na ingay sa pinto ng kwarto ko. Wait Monday? Hindi ba sabado kahapon o mali ang calendar  ng cellphone ko? I check my phone and saw it 2012 ang year! Naman oh! 2012!hahaha Isinet kong 2013 ang phone ko, while I setting it up I remember that dream. Moving on is always fine than anything. I did what I need to do and leave the house.