You're Killing Me Inside

chapter 4

Chapter 4: “Falling in love with my bestfriend”

As I enter the school there was a lot of students scattered everywhere. As I remember it’s the Intramurals of this school. Yung feeling na ang aga-aga mo pumasok pero wala naman palang mga subject na pinapasukan? Asan ang hustisya? On the way na ba o nawalan ng gas at hindi na makakarating? At pinagpatuloy ko ang paglakad as I reached the student center and saw some of my classmates. Actually kasali ako sa intrams eh, AKO ANG MUSE! Umangal magpahanda na ng madaming ilaw at kandila! Joke :).

“allysson, buti ang aga mo? Ano nakain mo” that bookworm boy asked

“ahh, I thought may klase tayo at nawala sa loob ko na intrams pala ngayon so enjoy ko nalang to I guess” as I answer his question. I heard someone calling my name from a far distance, anong sabi ng mala-animalistic ability ko?

“allysson! May sasabihin ako sayo, there was a stupid man who’s confessing to me and I don’t know if I will going to believe him. Because we know that he is a full of mockery and have no sense of seriousness in his body!” as she said that she’s dragging me off to somewhere.

“What the hell is going on here Loi? And whom are you referring na we know that he is blablablabla” I asked to her while trying to remove my hand to hers. When she stopped, she hide at my back while gesturing that there’s someone in front of us. As I looked who is that jerk, it’s Erick. One of the crazy people living on earth.

“Hi Loi!”  sabi ni Erick habang papunta sa likod ko at nagkunwai na I’m not existing on that place! At dahil mabait ako I tripped him! Buti nga sa kanya! These time ako ang humatak kay Loi as I heard Erick saying “Loi yung sinabi ko totoo at walang halong biro 100% sure ako doon. Ikaw Allysson a simple apology will do!” Hell I care to him. Now it’s my time para mag interrogate ng mga tanong sa kanya.

“what is happening?”

“sabi niya seryoso daw siya sa akin, sa nararamdaman niya para sa akin. Ayaw niya lang daw sabihin sa akin ang nararamdaman niya nung highscool pa tayo dahil baka daw na hindi ko siya paniwalaan at I can’t even see a little seriousness on his work.” Mahabang explain niya habang nakapameywang ako at naghihintay ng kasunod.

“I asked him how serious is he, he kept on saying “I love you, hi sweetie, where are you I want to see you, I miss you badly sweetie” like that and I don’t know how to response. The boy I used to be my friend and treats him like my older brother is giving me deep thought! Nakaasar siya!” she said.

“Reject his offer! NOW!” full of authority kong sinabi. I won’t let that crazy man touches nor have any relationship with my friends! Anyone will do, not him! I know how he plays. “How many times I told him I can’t and don’t want. He is so very makulit and want to kill him now!” alam kong totoo ang sinasabi niya dahil nakikita ko ang pagkairita niya sa sinasabi at sincerity niya. Hayyy mukhang wala akong magagawa kung hindi maghanda ng mga nakakatakot na bagay. And here he comes, that crazy monkey with his slaves.

“Loi give me a chance please? Gusto kong patunayan sayo na totoo ang nararamdaman ko at hindi ako nagbibiro. Kung iniisip mo na pinagt’tripan kita, nagkakamali ka. I know it’s hard for you to believe a crazy person whom you used to be a close friend will confesses his feeling towards to you. Kahit na sabihin mo na ayaw mo at itigil ko ito I won’t stop loving and caring for you. Just please ngayon lang maniwala ka naman that I fell in love with my best friend.” now I am watching live drama scene, sana kasama ko si Aishlara.

“No, stop it. Dahil hindi na ako natutuwa sa pinaggagawa mo. I never wish to be the girlfriend ng mga taong malalapit sa akin. Not even once naisip ko na you’ll confess your stupid feelings to me, and I am telling you this na huminto ka na dahil kahit kalian hindi ako magkakagusto sayo. Friends still be friends no more than that.” Aww friendzone poor Erick pero ok na yun kaysa sa makita ko na umiiyak ang friend ko dahil sa pinaglalaruan lang siya. “Let’s go” aya sa akin ni Loi. She stopped a while and said “I am sorry, hanggang doon lang talaga hope you’ll understand. And after this, let’s pretend na walang nangyari everything will be normal” pahabol niya sa nakatulalang Erick. Love kills.

When we completely left that guy I heard her. “Am I bad?”

“No you’re not, you did what you thought right. Dahil kung sasagutin mo siya, and broke up hindi na maibabalik ang dati niyong pagsasamahan.” I told her, I don’t know if I’m helping or making the things worst? Simula noon I never let the word love enter my vocabulary.  Because before trying to get someone to love you, make sure you love yourself first. Love can sometimes be temporary, you never know how long it may last. But loving yourself, is self-worth and that can last forever.

Nagpaalam si Loi dahil may gagawin na siya sa booth nila pass 12 noon ang tagal din niya naglabas ng kadramahan sa katawan. Member siya ng music club sa department niya sa Bachelor of Science and Business Studies. At ako? Kalat-kalat sa corridor ng building namin at nakita ang isa sa mga teacher ko ng highschool. He transferred in our school without knowing why.

“Sir! Anong oras po kayo uuwi?” tawag ko sa kanya, parang barkada ko lang siya but I still respect him.

“mamayang 4:30, sasabay ka?” he asked. I checked my watch and it’s already 2 pm. Biruin mo yun ilang oras din akong nagpakal-kalat sa college of engineering and architecture building. I still have 2 hours para mag enjoy dito. “yup tipid sa pamasahe!” sabi ko sa kanya, and I am not bringing my car dahil tinatamad ako at naalala ko yung buwisit na nangyari sa amin kahapon. I heard a strum of guitar and voices singing. As I peek in I saw a boys singing and few girls don’t know what are those songs, I’m sure it’s old one. I saw my teacher there having chit-chat to any members and another teacher. I enter without any hesitation. I saw someone staring at me hindi  ko alam kung napapraning lang ako o totoo, yun ang nakikita ko sa gilid ng mata ko. And I found myself joining them singing. Two hours after their “so-called practice” was done, as that boy who is wearing white t-shirt ay nagpaalam sa teacher and I answer instead of Sir Escober. “sige daw makakaalis ka na!”, “sir? Sir? Ikaw ba yan? Sir maauna na po kami”, and finally the teacher says “ok”.

“I told you, at wag muna kayong mauuna dahil bata pa kayo” I said with sarcasm. He just smiles at me. That smile! I don’t want to see it again. I guess he is ahead to me.