You're Killing Me Inside

chapter 5

Chapter 5: “Words of Courage ”

Nagrereview ako para sa last subject ko. Algebra. I love math. MATH SUCKS! But I am taking up Civil Engineering. My last subject flowed well. I answered some of the problems, I really hate worded problem I would rather choose equations than it. I’m on my way home ng biglang nagvibrate ang phone ko, I’m with my new friends. Good thing half-day lang kami, every Tuesday isang subject lang at ang beloved algebra lang ang pinapasukan namin. It’s her again what she wants now?

“Allysson be on mall now, I’m here and someone broke me!” WHAT?!? Broke her? Buti nalang half day din si Loi. I texted her kung asan siya, she said na nasa mall siya kasama ang mga kaklase niya because maaga nagdismiss ang teacher nila. Well I’m on way too.

In mall, naglunch na kami at nagpaalam sa kanila dahil pupuntahan ko ang madramang si Aishlara. As I reached her place I saw her staring somewhere.

“ok what’s with this time?” as I said while walking to her and I am sure she heard me.

“happy monthsary, then treat me let’s go”

“thank you but, w-w-w-we broke up” as I saw her crying while smiling. Is she stupid? Smiling while crying ano to, pinagt’tripan niya ko?

“let’s pretend I believe and why did the two of you broke up?” I told her. I already texted Loi that I am already with this girl.

“stop crying baka isipin ng mga taong to pinapaiiyak kita! Tumigil ka kung ayaw mo talaga ako ang maging dahilan ng pag-iyak mo” I said with irritation in my face. I can’t stand her!

“let’s go have some fun I want to forget it. Forget him” she stands and leaves me there.

In arcade

Loi is not yet here, I saw my classmates here they are playing, others are singing. Well Aishlara bought lots of tokens. Nagpunta ako sa mga kaklase ko at nanggulo sa kinakanta nila.

“At kung ikaw ay natatawa

Ako pa ba ay nakikita

Nalilimutan ko ang itsura ko

Kapag kausap na ikaw

Sana naman ako’y pakinggan

At nang ikaw ay malinawan

Dahil nabihag mo ang aking paningin at damdamin

Oh! Chinito.. Chinito..”

I heard a noise. I was dumbfounded when I saw what she did! She’s having an argument to a bitch.

“don’t you see na ako ang nauna and bigla kang sisingit.” Bitch. Well goodluck bitch.

“wala akong pakielam kung ikaw ang nauna!! Ang importante ako ang naunang naglaro and who the hell are you to stop what am I doing?” sabi ni aishlara na mukang ready to explode.

“well miss, I hate the way your acting right now, you child of a bitch umalis ka diyan and that’s our place”

you child of a bitch  I was about to back up her, but before I did I saw her slapped the girl.

“look, dahil sa kakapalan ng mukha sumama yung make-up mong MAKAPAL! And besides this is not a birthday party para mag entertain ng mga funny jokes and magic show. If you know what I mean and I guess you’re not an idiot or stupid not to know what I mean? Right?” I saw her smirk that’s her, she never let her guard caught off. When that girl is about to slapped her I already grabbed her hand

“are you sure na gusto mo talaga siyang sampalin? I’m warning you, don’t, kung ayaw mo mapaaga ang kuha sayo ni kamatayan.” I said and drag Aishlara! She’s really a trouble maker.

“I’m sorry” as I heard her sorry full of sincerity. “papalampasin ko ginawa mo dahil naiintindihan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo.” I said to her. Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman niya. Pinagdaanan ko na yang pakiramdam na yan, ang broken hearted hindi madali yan. Kahit nagbubulagbulagan ka sa lahat ng nakikita mo, hindi parin matatago ang tunay na nararamdaman mo.

“No you don’t understand, I, I, I,” you stupid I understand! Who the hell you think of me na hindi ko naiintindihan ang pinagdadaanan mo?? Have you forget ang piangdaanan ko lately?

“You what?” naiinip kong sinabi sa kanya.

“I almost gave it to him” mahina niyang sinabi pero sapat na para marinig ko. At ano daw? She almost gives it to him.

“ARE YOU CRAZY??!? DO YOU EVEN USE YOUR HEAD??!?” nabibigla kong sagot at naiinis sa kanya!

“I know I’m crazy enough for that matter, pero… pero… pero, hindi naman natuloy” pagtatanggol niya sa sarili niya.

“ngayon sabihin mo sa akin na nirerespeto ka ba ng lalake na yon?? HINDI! Katangahan yang ginawa mo. Wala akong pakielam kung hindi natuloy what my point is anong pumasok sa kokote mo at napapayag ka niya na play his game?!?” all I hear is her sobs.

“Because I love him” pilit niyang sabihin behind her sobs

“Because you love him? Hindi puro puso ang pinapairal sa pagmamahal tandaan mo yan! Kailangan din ng utak!” at this time konti nalang I will gonna crush her into pieces! “please use your head hindi puro puso, I am not tolerating you because your old enough to handle this kind of problem” dagdag ko.

“All this time, I thought he really cares to me, loves me among anyone else here. But I’m wrong. He used me! He wants to used me to fulfill his needs, I can’t imagine na muntik ko na ibigay ang sarili ko sa kanya.” She says.

That’s why I hate boys. Boys are like animals!

“stop it kung ano man ang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya dahil alam mo sa sarili mo na katawan mo lang ang gusto niya sayo and don’t waste your tears to a person who doesn’t deserve it, he’s not worth it. If he really loves you he will respect you, if he loves you he will come after you and say sorry for what he acted and won’t do a things that can make you mad and above all, takot siyang mawala ka.” I hug her, this girl! Why I can’t be mad. Although it’s her fault. “tama na huh? Stop it. Forget him, alam ko hindi kadali ang paglimot sa taong minahal mo. It takes time wag mo naman pakatagal ang paglimot sa kanya, tama na ang minsan nagpakatanga ka sa kanya. It’s enough.” As I said my word of courage to her. “thank you, buti nalang nandiyan ka, I don’t know what will happen to me though” she said habang kumawala sa yakap ko. Si Loi nandun siya at nanonood lang pala sa amin. And she now know what did Aishlara do. And Loi wants a world war 1234876543.

“nako aishlara pabayaan mo ang mga taong ganyan. Ganyan naman talaga ang mga lalake na yan, una uutuin ka sa mga pambobola nila at ikaw naman na tanga ay maiinlove ka na agad. Kaya pag nagbreak kayo ikaw na babae lang ang talo at umiiyak ng bongga, we are not born para mahalin ang mga taong hindi tayo mahal kundi mahalin ang mga taong nagmamahal sa atin. Kaya lang endangered species nalang ang mga taong ganyan. You know idiots and stupid people already invaded the world.” Well may point siya, minsan talaga may tumatama sa mga sinasabi niya. I was not born para iyakan ang nakaraan kung hindi pagpatuoy ang kasalukuyan at paghandaan ang hinanaharap.