The Beat Of His Drums

Chapter 12

"Siren! Oh my god thank god you're okay!" Ghaust called, he and Oscar running at me and the strange man who still held his arms around me. I was on my knees, my hands clutching the paved ground underneath me. I didn't say a thing. I just watched as the paramedics carried Jack on a stretcher. Tears streamed down my face. They splatter onto the road beneath me. "Jack..." I whimpered quietly. "Thank you sir, we'll take this from here." Oscar said, bending down to pick me up. The man hesitated to let me go, not knowing who they were. "It's okay, I'm her cousin, and this is her brother." He said reassuringly. The man stepped back, allowing Oscar to lift me to my feet. I couldn't turn away. I just watched as they rushed Jack onto the truck and sped off towards the hospital. Ghaust and Oscar lead me back to his car. "I'll drive her car back." Oscar said to Ghaust, to which he just nodded in responce.

Within seconds we were home. "I'll take you to the hospital to check on him in the morning. It'd be pointless to take you to school in the state you must be in." I didn't say anything. I sat there, staring out the window. Still crying. Still trembling. I hadn't said anything, and I can guess he figured I wouldn't, because he swung open his door, not saying anything more. "What if he dies?" I said in a devistating monotone. He moved back in his seat, and Oscar appeared on his side of the car. "Don't talk like that he's going to be fine." Ghaust replied, trying to comfort me. My face fell in my hands as I sobbed, "I d-didn't even g-get to a-pologize..." Oscar sighed, "You'll get your chance, I promise." I shook my head violently, "you didn't see the accedent when it happened. You can't tell me he's going to be okay when we don't know if he will be!" I shouted. More tears fell. "If I hadn't have gotten angry and stormed out of the room....he wouldn't have left and he wouldn't have gotten in that accedent...." I sniffled. "Don't beat yourself up over it, you didn't know and you don't know for sure, he could have had to leave the same time for a different reason and we'd still be in this predicament." I got out of the car, slamming the door. I didn't want to hear anything else. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to do anything but sit in the corner of my room and cry.

Two hours went by and the tears would not stop pooring out of my sockets. The sound of the crash echoed in my ears over and over again. The sight of his tipped over car stayed fresh in my mind as I heard our arguement previous playing back with the same loud crash, over and over again, like a broken record. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip my ears out so I didn't have to hear his devistated tone and my angry scream, and so I could stop hearing that dreaded sound of wheels screeching and the loud boom of cars colliding. I wanted to be in his place that way he could still be safe. Why did it have to be him? It should have been me instead. What if I don't get to apologize. What if I never see him again...or get to hold him or kiss him again?

The guilt was eating me alive. The constant thought of him dying was even worse. I never really realized how much I needed him until just two hours ago. Just a few short minutes was enough to make my entire life crumble around me.

Before I met him, I had spent my years building up a titanium wall to keep people out. To keep people from abusing my heart. But he broke through those walls like they were made of nothing but paper. And I couldn't stop him...I didn't want to stop him. Just like that. After he broke through my defense, he snaked his way into my heart. And I didn't push him out. I let him come in. At first, I had a feeling I was making a mistake, by not making the walls strong enough to keep him out. But then, I was glad that I didn't. They were strong enough to keep everyone other than my family and friends out. But they weren't strong enough to keep him out. And once he came in, he helped rebuild those walls. Not just to keep others out, though that was part of it, but to keep us in. Together. Forever.

And now... As he layes on his death bed, the walls we built are beginning to crumble. Because I'm not strong enough to keep them up by myself. I'm not strong enough for the both of us. I need him here. I need him to help put those walls back up. To keep them up. I don't want to let them fall. Not yet. It's too soon. It will always be too soon. I just want to keep them up. Forever. I don't want to go back to my titanium wall that kept me concealed and alone. I don't want a wall that will keep anyone else with me. I just want our wall. I don't want it to fall. I don't even want it to crack.

....

I stretched out, looking at my ceiling. I was surrounded in pillows and blankets. How'd I get in my bed? And when did I fall asleep? I sat up realizing that one of my beanbag chairs was sitting, facing my bed. My brother sat in it, sleeping. I let out a yawn, causing him to awake rather abruptly. "What are you doing in my room?" I asked. He yawned shortly after, well I saw you sleeping in the corner and I figured that'd be uncomfortable, so I put you in your bed. I figured with the state you're in, I didn't want to leave you alone, you know incase night terrors or something." He explained. I instantly remembered yesterday. Fear and pain over powered me once more. "Get dressed," he said, "we're going to the hospital."

Within minutes, we made it to the hospital. Emily was at my house and she offered to drive. When we got there a bunch of doctors rushed by with none other than Jack. "What's going on!" I asked, voice shakey, nearly caught in my throat. My eyes burned and I choked as I fought back tears. Jack's mom was standing a few feet away, crying as she watched her son being taken to a surgical room nearby. She noticed us and walked over, a tissue in her hand. Her face was beet red as the tears streamed down her face. I looked at her in horror as I felt our walls crumble even more. I was now desperatly fighting to keep them up. She pulled me into a tight hug as we both sobbed silently in each others embrace. "I don't know what happened. He was doing just fine, he was just sleeping after getting out from hours of surgery and then his heart stopped beating." She gasped between tears. I couldn't help but to let out a whimper.

We sat in the waiting room for a good four hours before they brought him back out again. A doctor wearing black scrubs came up to us. "Are you Jack Black's family?" His mother nodded. "He's going to be fine. But for now, he needs time to rest. I think you should all just go home and come back again tomorrow." I wanted to protest but his mother wouldn't allow me to. She waved her hand in front of my face amd gave me a small, confident, yet broken hearted smile. With that, we left.

Please be alive tomorrow Jack

Please don't die on me. Don't die until I die.

Please don't die until we're old and grey.

I can't stand to lose you.

Not yet.

If you love me, you'll keep on fighting.

I beg you.

Please...