(More of) Victoria's Rants

☞ crappy mood, crappy rant

tbh I hate how easily jealous I get, not to mention how easily I get insecure or sad! :))))

earlier I got really bored so I decided to check snapchat and everyones' story was so lit and everyone seemed to have a good time with their friends and spending summer the fun way, and of course, I got jealous. so, I left my room to get food, and I ended up ranting to my grandpa when I reached the kitchen and he was talking on the phone. my grandpa didn't know what I was saying (he doesn't speak english) and yeah.

and as each minute passed, I got even more and more annoyed of everything and wanted to jump off a bridge. when my grandpa leaves, my brother comes, and basically, I told him to get hit by a bus. oops. (he told me that I could die and nobody would care lmao fuck u bro)

I go back to my room, and leave the lights off even though it's dark since the sun's almost gone. I lie on my bed and stare out the big window next to my bed while goner plays in the background, which doesn't make my mood any better, obviously. I'm that type of person to listen to sad music when I'm sad to make me even sadder and feel crappier, so.

I continue to get jealous of people, and then, I begin to wonder why I even exist when I don't ever do anything with my life. my life is boring, I don't have many friends to hang out with, and I spend my days waiting for nothing, as stupid as it sounds, I do. basically, I start having a crisis, like I normally have, and my phone almost dies, which makes my mood worsen since that means I have to get out of bed and charge my phone.

I just hate how I get jealous of people that I hate. it's like, I fucking hate you dude, why am I jealous of you? why am I jealous that you're with your friends at some party that I don't even want to be at? why am I jealous that you have cuter clothes than I do when I'd never wear your clothes? why am I jealous that your instagram feed is way more exciting than mine when I don't care about your instagram feed?

it seems like everyone has an eventful life and is living the dream. the only exciting thing that's happened to me this past month is that my crush liked my last two photos! that's not exciting! that's weak compared to people going to the beach with their friends or going to the movies at a late time to watch a horror movie!

actually, no, that wasn't the only exciting thing. I saw the purge election year at ten pm, but I saw it with my brother and sister, who are pretty much lame, so I don't count it.

most of my friends are going away next week, so I'll be at home again, complaining about shitty my life is to my brother or mother, who normally don't give a fuck if my life if it's boring or not.

I'm so tired of not having a life, really. I don't do anything exciting, and when I try to, it fails, and I end up hating it. I'm sick of daydreaming things I could do with my friends, like, instead of daydreaming it, why can't I just do it? I can't, because, victoria's life is only supposed to be boring, it cannot be exciting! it just can't!

I feel pressured to show people that I have a life and I'm not some lame ass teenager, but it doesn't work when I don't have anything to show! take a selfie when I feel pretty? take a photo of the sky? that's lame!

every time I hang out with my friends, I spend most of the time trying to take photos or put shit on my snapchat story. and they're usually like "victoria, can you just chill for a second? why do you need so many pictures?"

"becaUSE IF I DONT, PEOPLE WILL THINK I DONT HAVE A LIFE!"

you know your life is a fucking sad joke when you post an aesthetic photo of you behind a sparkler frOM A FUCKING YEAR AGO! LAST JULY FOURTH! THIS JULY FOURTH, I COULDNT TAKE PHOTOS OF SHIT BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE DIED! SO MUCH FUN!

"I thought you were at the beach on the fourth of july? where did you get the sparkler?"

"I was, I found the photo in my camera roll when I was deleting shit. it looked pretty cool, so I posted it, bitch."

I just want to sleep for the next sixteen- hundred years. or, until my life gets exciting—not a pointless, terrible, boring, shitty, bland, sad excuse of one. fml.