I wake up with a gasp so big that I choke on oxygen. I notice that I'm already sitting up and run my fingers through my sweat-slick hair. My breaths are big and raspy as my body swallows huge gallons full of air. I clutch my heart and regain my shit. I get up and go to the bathroom and end up puking. Nothing really came out since my body digested the majority of my food from last night. My wolf is on edge and my teeth are a bit pointy.
"Mark?" A voice says as I violently jump. It's Ryan.
"Ryan what the fuck?!" I asked a bit hysterically. "You scared the fuck out of me haven't you ever heard of knocking? Dammit!"
"Sorry," Ryan says, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't dying or anything like that. Geez."
"Sorry," I said, my voice a bit softer, "I just had a really bad dream and I'm just not feeling up to surprises today.
"Yeah," Ryan says, "Jack woke up early and said the same thing. He said that he had a "fucking creepy as hell nightmare". So apparently you aren't the only one."
"What about you and Matt?" I ask while flushing the toilet and wiping my sweaty face with a damp washcloth.
Ryan shakes his head. "No, nothing that I'm aware of. Matt looked fine this morning and I didn't remember my dream."
"Lucky shit," I mutter.
We head downstairs and I skip breakfast, my stomach not really feeling up to it at the moment. Apparently Jack has the same idea because he didn't eat anything either. He said he wasn't hungry and he even looks a bit paler than he already is. I decide not to say anything because I know he's feeling as shitty as me right now, and right now I don't want to be bothered with anything, especially questions.
I head upstairs and get really to upload some rerecorded videos. I'm way too tired and not in the mood to record a whole other video and Jack for damned sure isn't either. I tell my fans on social media that Jack and I aren't feeling too well and as usual, they wish us the best of their luck.
I set my phone down, lay back on my bed, and rub my eyes. I'm really just not feeling it today. I feel like ass. That dream felt so real, it just ruined me. Apparently, whatever kind of hell Jack went through, it fucked up his mind too. We stay unusually quiet for the day, which kinda worries Ryan and Matt since we're the two loudest people in the house and are now the quietest. Jack and I don't even acknowledge each other as we do the things we have to do, but other than that we don't really do much. We sit and just stare off into space and think about the Hell we went through.
"Ok," Matt says, "what the fuck happened to you two? You guys have the biggest mouth in the house and now you guys haven't said much of a word since. It's creeping me out."
Jack and I both give him a look. "Well I'm sorry," I reply. "I didn't know I have to be so loud to be normal here. Fuck."
"Yeah," Jack continues, "I just had a fucked up night and I just want to be left the fuck alone. Damn."
Jack and I don't even acknowledge the fact that we both agreed with each other, but we just leave it at that.
"Ok ok," Matt says, "you don't have to get your balls in a twist. Damn." And with that, Matt walks out of the room.
Jack and I sit in awkward silence for what felt like an eternity. We don't look at each other we both drift into thought.
"You had a bad dream too?" Jack asks, finally breaking the silence.
"Yeah," I reply, "I had a terribly ass nightmare that scared the shit outta me. It was just horrific."
Jack shivers. "Yeah, mine was too. It was so awful. When I woke up I ended up puking whatever I had left and almost fainting. I felt awful afterward."
"Same here," I reply. "I felt terrible and I puked too. Ryan just about gave me a heart attack when he came in the bathroom to check on me. Apparently, he was pretty confident that I wasn't actually using the bathroom."
"Ha," Jack says a bit hollowly, "but what if you were? Ryan would've gotten one hell of a scene that some crazed fan girl might want to see."
"Heh," I say, "ya. Ryan would've been seeing things he wishes he didn't. And I would've punched his arm for it, too. Hard."
We chuckle a bit, but it becomes silent a little faster than we intended. I wish it didn't end because it's that kind of awkward silence. What's so awkward? Not sure? Yeah, me neither. My mind drifts right back to the nightmare, my spine-tingling. I'm not sure why I keep thinking about it if I hate it so much. On the brighter side of things, I'm not experiencing it like in the dream. On the darker side of things, I feel sick. Yeah, the nauseous kind of sick. I move my eyes upward and pray that I won't puke here on the couch.
"You look a bit pale, Mark," Ryan says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Really?" I reply. "I didn't really notice."
"Are feeling alright?" Ryan asks. "You seriously look sick and pale."
"I guess I'm feeling a bit nasty, yes," I admit. "I'm not sure what it is, but I feel just awful and sick and just blegh."
"Ok," Ryan says, "but if you really need to puke then please try to make it to the bathroom. I really don't want to see that and I'm 100% sure Matt doesn't want to hear, smell or much less see it. You know how he is with that."
I nod. "Ok," I reply, "I'll be sure. Just let Matt know so he can keep away from me a bit. Just in case, ya know?"
Ryan nods and walks off. I must really look like absolute shit if Ryan pointed it out. I feel like absolute shit, too. I clumsily get up and head to the bathroom, feeling like I'm actually gonna puke. I haven't even eaten anything yet. I don't know if anything will come out or not. I stumble through the bathroom door and lean over the sink, hyperventilating a bit.
"Oh shit," I gasp out, trying my best to control my hyperventilation, "this is fucking awful."
I spit out blood and whisper no over and over again. I roll my tongue over my teeth to feel that they are now sharper and a bit longer. I curse almost every curse word under my breath and growl to the sudden squirming that builds up in my chest. I snarl in frustration.
I'm a human. Or at least born one. I'm not the wolf. I'm the human here. Not vise versa, I think to myself. Control it, Mark dammit!
I bare my pointy teeth and growl in frustration, seeing my reflection and barely recognizing the snarling, wild-looking figure staring back at me. I stare at how different I look, a bit unable to believe that that's actually me. If you saw me you wouldn't believe it's the same cute/hot/sexy/goofy YouTuber everyone knows as Markiplier.
That's you, I thought to myself. Look at what you've become. You're an unrecognizable, unstable monster. You're a danger to just about everyone you know. How can you do you do your fucking job if you can barely control yourself?
Get yourself together, dammit, a stronger more confident voice growls in the back of my head. You're stronger than this! Don't let the wolf control you! Concentrate, dammit!
I growl and furrow my brow. I can do this. I then calm down and take deep breaths. If there's anything Jack told me not to do, is to freak out and lose my cool. He told me to keep my cool and remain as calm and chill as possible. I sit down on the bathroom floor and relax my tense muscles and slow my breaths. My breaths do stagger every now and then as pain prickles my body, inside and out. I fight to push the wolf back, but it puts up a damned good fight. I'm actually doing it! And for once, I'm winning. Maybe for realsies this time!
"Mark?" I hear Jack say from behind the door. I look up at the door. Dammit! Curse me and my ADHD!
"Not right now, Jack," I say with a strained voice. "I'm kinda busy right now."
"I just wanted to see if you're ok," he says a bit taken aback.
"I'm sorry, Jack," I reply, "but I won't be and neither will you if you don't let me concentrate!"
"Oh fuck!" Jack says, the lightbulb turning on. "Shit ok, lad, I'll leave ya to it! Sorry!"
I hear his footsteps get farther and put full concentration into this. I bare my teeth and growl as I feel the wolf push through. I snarl and then calm down. I keep forgetting not to fight it, but to just calmly get my shit together. The more out of control I get, the more that helps the wolf, not me. I slow my breaths to a calm and slow pace, my heartbeat getting slower and my muscles relaxing once more. My teeth remain pointy, but my nails go back and the yellow from my eyes are probably gone.
Good job, Mark, I say, my self-esteem rising. Keep it up, buddy. You're doing great! Don't stop now.
I smile to myself as I slowly gain control. I stand up when I feel ready and look at myself in the mirror. I see me, Mark. Not some crazed, wild Mark, but Mark Mark. I see Markiplier. The same goofy YouTuber millions know me as. I smile, though my canines still pointy, I don't see or feel the wolf. Maybe I've gained control, but before I start celebrating, I have to keep on guard. For all I know, it may be laying low for now and coming to get me when I least expect it. I gather my shit together before walking out.
"Everything alright, Mark?" Jack asks. "You're looking pretty happy."
"I finally did it, Jack!" I say. "I actually held the wolf back and didn't freak out! I know I shouldn't celebrate immediately. I'm sure the wolf isn't entirely through with me yet."
"Good for you!" Jack replies. "That's a good start. Never let your guard down until you're 100% sure that you're in full control. That what my dad always told me when I was younger. The wolf could be playing a trick on you and may get you when ya least expect it as ya said."
"Yeah," I reply, "I don't know how many times I can actually do that. I mean, the wolf isn't really a separate figure. I know it may seem like it, but I know that now it's technically a part of me. A part of who I am."
"Yeah," Jack replies. "To me, that doesn't sound weird since I was born, but I can imagine that it just fucked up your whole way of thinking. Especially finding out that werewolves are real. I was planning on tellin' ya eventually. Maybe when it felt like the right moment, but I wasn't whether I should or not. It just kinda worked out enough for you to become a werewolf for me to be able to tell you. And now Ryan and Matt being what they are, it's all fucked up."
"Yeah," I say, "I really didn't think they'd turn into anything, too. It's like the movies or something. Kinda cheesy really."
"Agreed," Jack says.
We sit in a bit of silence and look at our phones and check our social media. I look at some comments and such and like some every now and then. I like imagining how that people will react when they see that The Markiplier just liked their post or tweet or whatever it is.
I can almost feel the wolf growling and planning what to do next. I know it may not be, but I can just feel it beneath my skin almost. It's like sharing my body with a whole other being and I hate it. I do in a way like the wolf thanks to the new abilities I have, but it's been so fucking troublesome. I look out of the window and into the evening sky, wondering what the wolf will drag me into next time.
Authors Note
Hey guys! How do you like me writing out the dreams? If you want a bit more of that, please let me know!
-⚔🐺blackclaw565🐺⚔
YOU ARE READING
The Beast I Have Become
WerewolfI don't know what happened... I was walking and then this thing comes out of nowhere and sinks its teeth and claws into me. My skin tears and seemily gallons of blood pooled on the forest floor. I knew then that I would die... But life had somethi...
