The Beast I Have Become

Chapter 39

        I'm somewhat paralyzed with pain and some shock as I begin to lose myself. I concentrate and try to remain calm, but it's harder than you'd think. I take big breaths, though they stagger a bit due to my jumble of feeling and emotions. I try to get out of bed but end up dramatically falling to my knees and melodramatically grabbing at the nightstand. I bet they heard that. I didn't really fall down with a soft little noise. It kinda made a noise. I do what I wish I didn't.
        "JACK!" I call.
        "Mark?!" Jack calls from downstairs, already in the process of running up to my room. He knows the sound of my call when it's panicked. "Mark!"
        "Fuck!" I curse under my breath. "Stupid, Mark! You dumbass why did you do that?!"
        "Mark," Jack says softly but firm, "you have got to control yourself. Don't let your petty emotions get to you. Take deep breaths and don't lose focus."
        "Ok," I say, Jack's reassuring hand on my shoulder.
        Jack helps me get up and back onto my bed. I sit on the edge of it and rest my head in my hands. I run my fingers through my hair as I take deep and even breaths. Well, more like trying to take even breaths. Jack sits next to me and talks calmly to me, telling me to be calm and how he's here and shit. No homo.
        "It's ok, Mark," Jack says with a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. "You're going to be alright. You're Mark. Not a wolf or any other animal. You're Mark Fischbach. Also known as Markiplier. Think about the fans, Mark. Think about your family and your friends."
        "Ya," I reply a bit weakly.
        "You were also the best damned trumpet player at your time," Jack says with the typical motivational voice.
        "Yeah!" I say a bit more confidently. "I was a pretty damned good trumpet player! And my fans, friends, and family love me and I love them! And my baby, Chica!"
        "There ya go!" Jack says with a smile. "Just think positive."
        "I don't know, though," I reply, my smile faltering a bit. "I have th-that feeling again."
        "W-what feelin'?" Jack asks, worrying starting to thread his voice now.
        "Bloodlust," I reply, my voice rough.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. I end up waking up in my room. And to my surprise, nothing is torn or shredded nor is anyone in the house dead or even wounded. Then what happened? Jack is a bit normal and so are Matt and Ryan.
        "Uh," I reply at the bottom of the steps, "did I miss anything?"
        Only to raise my suspicion, Matt, Ryan, and Jack all exchange looks. I raise my eyebrow, noticing their obvious mental questioning between each other. I cross my arms and lean on one leg, my eyebrow still raised. Seriously? Right in front of me? Like I can't see them, right? After what felt like ten whole minutes, they stop and turn to me.
        "Well," Jack says a bit hesitantly, "you didn't really do anything. You tried to maul it at first and then ya got loose outside. You're super strong by the way."
        "Did I kill someone or something?" I ask worriedly.
        "No," Jack replies, "but ya did attack someone."
        "Shit!" I curse out loud.
        The trio gives each other looks like they saw this coming, which they probably did. They probably think that I'm either going into a blind panic or that I'll get super upset or probably both. I'm gonna try to prove their assumptions wrong. I don't want to be that predictable. As I keep myself from getting irritated in any way, I take a deep breath and compose myself. I know the guys saw that, but I think they were a bit shocked at how well I did that. I usually have a much harder time doing that.
        "That's fine," I reply calmly. "The person is still alive, right?"
        "Yes," Matt says, "for what we know at least."
        "What happened to the person after the attack?" I ask smoothly.
        "Well," Ryan says, "he got a bad injury to his stomach. You just about ripped his organs out, dude."
        Jack gives Ryan a somewhat nasty look before talking, "Yes, the guy is alright. He did get I injured but only scratched. You didn't bite him."
        "Ok," I reply, "that's good that nothing severe happened to him. I can't do much but wish for the best that he won't die in the hospital or something."
        "Yeah," Jack says while averting his eyes to the wall.
        I raise my eyebrow. "Is there something you aren't telling me?"
        "No," Ryan replies simply. I keep my eyebrow raised, not entirely convinced.
        "Ok then," I reply, "if you say so, I guess."
        I walk back upstairs and grab my phone to look at the recent news just to be sure there aren't any murders that I'm aware of. None recently. Maybe they were telling the truth. There aren't even any injured people that I can find and if there are, they aren't that serious. I shrug it off. I'm not sure what I did if, if anything, but I just have a bad feeling about it. I don't know why, though. Maybe I'm just in denial or something. Denial that the wolf didn't do anything bad while it was present.
        As the day goes on, nothing big is brought up on the news. Nothing like murders or found bodies or things like that. I relax a bit seeing that there is no evidence that the wolf did anything wrong. As weird as it sounds, so far it's true.
        Still keep alert, Mark, I tell myself. You never know when something will come up. Maybe the person you hurt or killed is dead but just hasn't been found yet. Maybe the injured person is already dead or in the process.
        I push my thoughts from my mind and focus on the present. I see the facts and I shouldn't assume anything. I don't want to worry about myself or the others. Unless they already know of course. Which they might. I sigh as a bad feeling washes over me. Somewhat of the same feeling when I'm about to transform. That tingling feeling. I curse under my breath but remain calm.
        What the fuck could be going wrong this time? I ask myself.
        I sigh and roll my eyes as this familiar but yet very annoying feeling continues. I know, my canines are sharper, but I still feel fine. Kinda. As I pace my room a bit and run my fingers through my hair, I think of what I could be doing if I wasn't cursed. I would be living w happy life without much worry of going on a killing spree. Sounds like a good life to me.
        As the day rolls by, nothing much really happens. Jack and I make another video and leave it for Matt to edit while we really just around. I do work on so,e other things like plan what game series to start next and reading comments and sometimes answering to some, but that's really it. I sit upside down on the couch with my legs crisscrossed again and look at the wall, my thoughts going through my head as I stare blankly.
        "Whatcha doin'?" Jack asks.
        "Nothing really," I reply with the best shrug I can do. "Just thinking and staring at this wall. Nothing new here."
        "Ok," he replies. "I was just curious. Seeing ya be in that weirdo position and all. Anyway, how ya feelin'?"
        "Feeling alright I guess," I reply with a small nod. "What?"
        "Nothin'," he answers, "I just thought I saw somethin' in your mouth. It might've just been me, though."
        "Oh," I reply, "yeah. My teeth are pointy. I know. They've been like that for a while now. I think they naturally stay like that. I'm fine with it really."
        "Oh," he replies, "ok."
        We sit in a bit of silence. The silence gets a bit heavy, to be honest. I bare my teeth and roll my tongue of them and feel how they fit perfectly together to make a good looking snarl. They aren't really sharp, they're more pointy really. Anyway, I continue to roll my tongue over my teeth out of habit due to my ADHD.
        I look out the window, looking at the indigo-blue night sky. The moon is out and it's almost full. When's the last time we had a full moon right? A month ago? Of course, Mark. Connect the dots.
        Anyway, as the moon moves in its nightly cycle, I get weary and head off to bed. I'm tired and just not functional at the moment. Good night, everyone.

Authors Note
The next chapter might be my last, just a heads up. I'm seriously running it of ideas. Sorry. Please read others by me though.
-⚔🐺blackclaw565🐺⚔