The Beast I Have Become

Chapter 38

        I gaze at the moon and wonder whether I should be aware or not. Jack told me that I should just in case, but I have no idea how I'm feeling right now. Just neutral I guess. I really don't know. Which is also those times where I act a bit like a goof because I don't know what to do with myself other than be me. Which is a big goofball in his mid-twenties with the mind of an eight-year-old. I sit upside down on the couch, my legs crossed. Basically, imagine me sitting crisscrossed, but instead upside down on the couch. I have my phone and I'm just playing some dumb game just to give my hands something to do. I did upload some prerecorded videos so that my fans had at least something from me to watch.
        You'd think that now that I'm here sitting upside down on the couch that I feel better. Well, yes and no. Yes, I do feel much better than I did earlier. No, because I just still feel like shit in a way. Might not make sense, but hey. When did Markiplier make a lot of sense (not counting some of his latest vlogs about being good and stuff)? Anyway, nothing special has been happening around here. In fact, it's been strangely quiet around here. Something that is not usual in this house.
        "Man," Jack comments, "It has been so quiet around here lately. I would think with the four loudest mouths on the earth it would be way louder in here."
        "Yeah," Ryan says, "quiet is something kinda rare around here. Especially like you said, the four loudest mouths on the earth. And especially with you, because you've got to be the loudest Irish man or man period on the face of the earth."
        "Yeah, Jack," I reply, "why don't you start a conversation or something? You talk too much anyway."
        Jack smiles playfully. "Coming from you," he says. "The man who talks so much he talks in his sleep and never stops."
        "Shut the fuck up," I reply with a playful smile. We all smile and kinda chuckle at our lame attempt to make things normal around here. Ya, sounds sad, right? It's not that every werewolf's life is sad I'm sure, but it's just awkward around here. Lately at least. I guess especially the nightmares. Those were terrible as fuck.
        In the meantime, we try to push our thought away from the bad things and think about the funny, goofy things we used to do and sometimes still do. Jack and I play some dumb game to upload tomorrow and goof off. Everything seemed so normal like there wasn't a problem in the world. It was even better because I felt in control of my body for once in a long time. We do the normal percentage of goofing off, which is a spectacular 1,000,000,000%. Probably more.
        I check Instagram and Twitter and get comments on my latest selfies about my teeth. People have noticed how they're a bit pointier. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. People ask me and I've even seen some people who put two pictures together and compare my teeth. A bit weird really, but go-ahead people. Nobody will be able to tell for sure. It'll just be the same thing as Darkiplier. Rumored, but proven unreal. I'm still gonna keep a watch on it, though. I don't know how far it will get. Hopefully not far.
        After my shower, I head off to bed. I sit there for a bit, Chica eventually hopping onto my bed and stepping directly where the sun doesn't shine. Of course, I react to it and get her paw off from there. She lays with me as I stare off into the blurry space known as my ceiling. I don't sleep with glasses on and don't want to fall asleep with them on either. As I'm watching the blurry ceiling, images flash through my mind. Blood and gore, death, friends and family, the three adding together to make one hell of a horrible scene before my own mind's eye. To be honest, I'm fucking terrified of what's racing through my mind right now.
        What's going on now? I question myself. What the fuck is this? Thinking about all of those things together. That's literally the worst possible thing you can think about right now! What the fuck is wrong with you?! I bet this is another of the wolf's tricks to get control over you. Don't let it win, Mark.
        I do so and calm down. They're only thoughts. Nothing real. Just thoughts. As my body relaxes, I become sleepy and my lids heavy. I close my eyes and almost immediately I fall asleep.