Dreamland Dimensions

Chapter Fifteen: Resurrected

It is lonely in the darkness behind your eyelids, no sound reaches there and there is no feeling. No breeze or air but it's not suffocating just maddening silent. I stood there in the shadows of my mind, hearing and feeling nothing. I was sure that I died, I couldn't remember how or from what but I knew in this darkness was death. I sat down, there wasn't a ground or a floor just nothing and I sat on nothing. I could think here, for an eternity I figured and pulled my knees to my chest. I started to remember, waking up next to Anastasia and walking to the store. The gun shots rang in my ears like they were happening again, I fell to the floor feeling an agonizing pain as if something was tearing through my side and my shoulder. I tried to scream but nothing came out, tears stung my eyes as I rolled over onto my back and gasped for air.

A tunnel of light was above me, beaming down and tapping on my face, "Quinton please wake up please".

I stared up at the light, reaching my hand up and trying to touch it. "I can't be without you". It was getting harder and harder to breath. I felt a sudden shock, air filled my lungs as I gasped and everything seemed bright. The light hurts my eyes, I squinted my eyes as they adjusted to the light and Anastasia came into view. Her eyes were red and puffy, she threw her arms around me. I groaned feeling the pain shot throughout my body, she released me carefully and sniffled, "Sorry baby, I-I just...I thought you were dead there was so much blood". Everything still foggy, I placed my hand on her cheek and winced when I stretched my wound, "It's okay, Ana I ain't dead". "One day imma lose you and they won't bring you back" whimpered Anastasia, tears falling from her eyes, "Quinton, something gotta change please". I looked at her crying face, I was just another person hurting Anastasia without a care for her feelings. She had enough people in her life that didn't give a fuck about her, I reached over drying her tears and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.

I wasn't going to become one of them. "It's okay Anastasia, I'm not going anywhere no more" I whispered.

Was it possibly to be tired of dying? Living wasn't the best for me but dying was something I didn't want because it meant leaving Anastasia behind. She climbed into the bed with me, I winced moving over and letting her cuddle next to me. "What does it feel like?" Asked Anastasia, touching my left side bandage gently, "Being shot?". I placed my hand on top of her's, intertwining our fingers and groaned, "Hurts like hell". She giggled, resting her head on my chest gently, I winced and flinched slightly but still let her lay on me. I liked the feeling, I felt as if I needed her to get close to me or I would lose my sanity. I closed my eyes thinking about my mother, wondering why she didn't show up and then I remembered.

My mother hated me, she didn't care if I live or die. She probably would jump for joy when she hears I got shot, hoping that somebody took me out.

Maybe it would be her own little revenge towards our father. The door flew open, my mother stood in the doorway with sweat dripping from her brow and gasping for air. She had an unfamiliar look, I could almost swear that she would yell at me and tell me to get up. But my mother rushed to my side, wrapping her arms around me and cried. I wasn't fooled though because I knew the only reason my mother kept me was because she was lonely, afraid to be alone but couldn't help but hate me. I just let her hug me, laughing in my mind as I hugged her back, 'We're both fucked up mama'.

I've always wondered if some part of herself really knew it, she was destroyed me like her father destroyed her but she didn't see the resemblance yet.

My mother was just 20 something, still young and trying to figure life out. I understood that she was broken, still trying to put the pieces back together. Her tears were too late, they couldn't reach me now but I guess because I drifted so far and it's hard to see now. My mother didn't see but she never really did and I hated how blind she was. Acting like the only pain that mattered was her own but I was hurting too, falling apart at the seams and she didn't care.