Dreamland Dimensions

Chapter Seventeen: Searching

"Quinton! Quinton, get up, we're going to church!".

Waking up was difficult, my eyelids felt heavy as I sat up and yawning. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, throwing the covers back carefully as not to stretch my arm or twist my side. Although, I had healed up pretty well. I stood up, stretching gently not to hurt my shoulder and pull my side, "Okay". It's been a month since I got shot, Troy hasn't been back to the house and I'm starting to think my mother might change. She started taking me to church more often, Anastasia says it because she's trying to keep me out of the streets. I didn't need help with that, my first time being shot and my last. I had stopped hustling, a few associates still hit me up and try to talk me into getting back in the game. I felt like I was out for good, I was just 14 years old and I had thought about not making it to my 15th birthday; The same age as Anastasia. I was out because I thought of all the birthdays I would miss, not just mine particularly but Anastasia's and I thought of spending mine with her's.

I figured it was a selfish reason to live for, perhaps we were both being selfish but it felt good to be selfish. I loved having Anastasia around.

A light tap at my window, I knew already that it was Anastasia as I turned around and walked over to the window. She stood outside wearing a pink dress with a dark blue jacket and white private school girl shoes. I smirked, looking her up and down, "Look at you". Anastasia rolled her eyes, reaching up towards me and smiled, "Pick me up Quin". I snickered, reaching out the window and pulling her inside. She stood up, dusting her dress off and fixing her hair, "You wearing that?". I looked down at the plain white collared shirt and black Levi jeans, shrugging, "Why not?". "You look good without your pants below your ass" Joked Anastasia, shoving me, "Almost thought I knocked at the window, stranger. Welcome back". I knew she was joking but it made me cringe on the inside because whoever Anastasia was expecting to see wasn't here.

I was still lost in a sea of despair and darkness, barely floating. But not sinking enough to drown and just existing.

I forced a smile, knowing she'd see through it and she did. "What's wrong?" She asked, placing her hand on my cheek lovingly, "What's on your mind?". The bruises around her wrist were fresh, I slowly pulled her jacket off and exposed her bruised arms. A knot formed in my stomach, Anastasia dropped her hand and pulled the jacket back on. "Don't look at me like that" She muttered, averting my gaze. I frowned, putting my hand under her chin and lifting her head up, "Look at you like what?". "Like your sad or something" answered Anastasia, frowning at me, "You disgusted by me". I stared into her eyes as her frown went away, kissing her forehead and shook my head, "No, your beautiful to me". She smiled up at me, wrapping her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her shoulder, pressing her head against my chest as I rested my chin gently on the top of her head. "You so stupid" I joked. She bit my chest lightly and pinched my side, "Asshole". We laughed together, nothing was funny about the pain and the bruises. They were real but so was this feeling I felt whenever we were together and I believed she felt it too.

Church is beginning, we sit in the back, hearing people sneak past as they walk in late. The door is still open, letting the rain outside be heard and mingled with eerie organ music.

The air was chilling inside, I realized why my mother and Anastasia wore jackets. I looked around, taking notice to a few other people wearing jackets and sweaters as well. I was the elephant in the room, wrapping my arms around myself as I fought hard not to let my teeth chatter. Anastasia giggled, pinching my cheek as she leaned in, "Should've brought a coat dummy". I rolled my eyes at her, smirking and tugged on her jacket, "Be a gentleman and lend me your coat". "In your dreams asshole" She countered, snickering, "Freeze". The distant sound of wooden church benches creaking and chirping as people moved around. The Pastor walked up to the podium, everyone grew silent and still as he started the sermon.

It felt as if he was speaking to me, I glanced at Anastasia to see if she felt the same way but it was hard to tell.

I excused myself to the bathroom, all of this was new to me and even though the words moved me, they were foreign. There was no understanding, I was trying to see what category I fell into; Saint or Sinner? I though maybe I deserved this lifestyle for a sin I committed or maybe I'm paying for the sins my father committed. I stopped praying a long time ago after my grandmother died and I ended up with my mom. It was like he couldn't hear me beyond those walls, I'd spend so many nights crying to the ceiling and it was like he couldn't see me. I suppose I didn't believe but I needed anything to cling, even some imaginary superhero or fantasy land. Maybe I was still just dreaming and dying like Dudley said. "Quinton, you okay?". I looked up to see Anastasia walking towards me with a concerned look on her face, "You left and said you'd be right back...what took you so long?". I had spaced out, being gone longer than I expected and just laughed it off, "Sorry". She lifted one eyebrow questioningly, shrugging and smiling, "Weirdo". We headed back inside together with our fingers locked and sat with my mother. "Let's bow our heads and pray", everyone bowed their heads almost in unison. The entire church grew silent, only the slow and steady tune of the organ filled the atmosphere. I looked around, Anastasia even bowed her head and clutched my hand in her's.

I wondered would he hear me now.