cute boyfriend rants

july 14. 2016

I ended the relationship.

before you freak out, please understand that this was a super hard decision for me to make. I was at camp, just talking about how he treats me and all these adults were telling me "you need to dump him, he is being manipulative and hes emotionally abusing you." and they were fucking right. i thought our relationship was goals and shit, but it wasn't.

He's manipulative. its true. he likes to pressure me into doing things that i don't want to do or things that i don't feel exactly comfortable with. he pressures me to send pictures of myself and i would give in and send one because he talked all this shit about how much he loved me and my body and how much he wanted one picture. if i ever said "no", he would always ask why. i could never stand up for myself because he would always knock me back down. he would say "i love your body. please send me a picture, you're so beautiful." and when i would say "ehh no i would rather not" he would always ask me why i'm uncomfortable with my body. "send me a picture so i can love the parts of your body that you don't like for you." he would tell me. and to either get him off my back or to be happy i would send him one. i hate myself every day for it.

He's an asshole. it's undeniably true. he tends to always try to either "one-up" me at things or make his life seem so much worse than anything that i have ever gone through. i was working as a camp counselor and i had texted him saying that i was being excluded from the group, and he replied with a long-ass message about how he was bullied forever and never had friends until freshman year of high school. that's not cool. i understand that talking about bad pasts is healthy and its good to have in a relationship, but its not good to try to make it seem like your life is worse than mine. i was talking about something that was happening in the present and he was talking about something that happened in his past . he always likes to rub it in my face about how much more he has than me. he has the position in JROTC that i wanted, but i don't want it anymore because i love my position. He likes to point out how much of a faster runner he is, or how much skinnier he is, or how he;s the CSM. these things hurt me and make me doubt myself and always make me super self-conscious.

He always dangles this one thing over my head, that makes me scared to make any decision. He tells me "if you break up with me, i'll probably kill myself. " I couldn't handle having that kind of pressure on me, because it makes me overwhelmed. just this fact alone made me overwhelmed to even think of breaking up with him, because i didn't want his family or him to hate me.

But i did it. And i'm a free heart. theres nothing wrong with me, no matter what he's done to me.