Losing Him

Her Healing Heart

Chapter Twenty

Her Healing Heart

Savannah distanced herself from Leon for the weekend, she missed his calls and didn't bother replying to his messages.

She took on part of her mother's advice to figure out her feelings before talking to him.

It was hard. Going so long without contact with Leon was torture, she didn't know how she was going to cope next year.

But she also had to keep in mind her own advice, to rip off the Band-Aid so her and Leon could both move on from this.

She invited Leon over that Monday afternoon, their last day of the long weekend.

She didn't like distancing herself from Leon too much, because the last time she did, it seemed like the further apart they were, the stronger her feelings grew.

If she was being honest with herself, she wasn't angry at Leon for making her accidently fall in love with him, but she was angry with herself for not dealing with it sooner.

She paced the backyard as the Spring sun shone, waiting for Leon to arrive.

She rehearsed what she planned to say to him, over and over.

Today was the day the fate of their friendship is to be decided.

The Spring sun kissed her skin, relaxing her tense muscles.

She took a seat beneath the ash tree and closed her eyes, listening to the sound of nature.

She had her eyes closed and mind blank for goodness knows how long.

She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder.

She looked up and stared at the bright, smiling face that belonged to Leon.

"How's it hanging?" he greeted sitting opposite to her.

"Hey, Lee," smiled Savannah.

There was a sense of awkwardness in the air, like they were both ignoring the elephant in the room.

"Savannah," breathed Leon,

"I don't know... what you're going through and I don't expect you to tell me unless you're comfortable doing so... but,"

he scoffed and looked around as if it hurt to say what he was about to say next.

"You can't just cut me out like that-"

"Lee-"

"No, Savannah," he cut off, "I don't like this wedge that you're making between us," he sighed and ruffled his hair exasperatedly.

"I know I haven't always been the greatest friend, but it hurts me knowing that one of the only people I care about, can't even come to me to talk-"

"It's nothing like that Lee," she said irritably,

"then what is it?!"

"I am in love with you Leon!"

he stared at her in utter bewilderment, she avoided his eyes and fought back the tears.

She planned to confess her feelings for him, she just didn't think she would do it this way.

Saying it out loud made her emotional.

"...Well at least I think I am," she finished.

they stayed silent, Savannah trying to gather her feelings and she could tell that Leon was trying to gather his thoughts.

"It's because of the staged relationship isn't it?" Leon finally asked softly, with a glint of fear in his eyes.

"I guess you can say that," Savannah replied honestly.

"Savannah, I'm so sorry, I-I never meant to lead you on... but you know how I feel about you... our hearts may not beat to the same drum... but our brains ride the same waves," he said fake-smiling.

Savannah could tell that he was still terrified.

"I know Lee, and despite everything my heart is telling me, I think this is a bad idea too," she said honestly.

She hoped that once she confessed her feelings for Leon, that they might go away, or at least not affect her as much as it used to when she kept it bottled up.

"And I'm working on it... I just can't put our friendship on the line like that," shrugged Savannah, "You mean too much to me Lee."

He smiled with a look of relief on his face he couldn't conceal.

"Is there anything you want me to do... to y'know help?" he asked, although he tried to sound positive, Savannah could detect the guilt all over his face.

It made her heart sink, she didn't want Leon to think that this mess was his doing, nor did she want him to distance himself - her worst fear - because of a feeling she was unsure about.

"No," whispered Savannah smiling at him.

She hoped that, that would be enough to reassure Leon, all she wanted to do was move past this and spent the remainder of their time together, as close friends, as memorable as possible.

Savannah knew Leon wanted the same thing.

"You know what you mean to me, Savannah," he smiled contently,

"ugh I know, I know, 'I love you like a sister'" she said mockingly trying to imitate Leon's voice.

He looked offended for a second than retorted, "no.... more like a daughter actually," he said smiling to himself with his eyes closed and nose in the air.

For the first time, in a long time, Savannah didn't see Leon as someone she wanted to have a romantic relationship with,

or as someone she would one day walk down the aisle to meet, but she saw him as what he has always been.

A loving and true friend, who will love her through thick and thin.

It seemed like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

In a way Savannah liked things this way, keeping strictly friends with Leon, with no romantic link whatsoever, meant that she could never risk losing him.

"I've got good news," Leon said that evening as they were on their way to Savannah's room after dinner.

"Go on," prompted Savannah,

Leon sat on Savannah's bed as she took the seat on her study desk, cascaded with books, papers, pens without lids and scrunched up pieces of paper.

The exam period was creeping up a little too fast for Savannah's liking.

It seemed like everyone in Savannah's year was stressing over the upcoming exams except for Leon who seemed completely unfazed.

"For activity week, next week, I've decided to sign up for the nature retreat, the same one you and Mitch are going on so we could all be together," he said excitedly grinning from ear to ear.

Savannah had completely forgotten about the camp form she filled out at the beginning of the year.

Nonetheless, she couldn't conceal her excitement.

What she needed most was time to herself around her friends before something as daunting as the exams approached.

She was glad that Leon was coming, it was one of the last nights them two would spend together in a long time, she made a mental note to make the most of it.

She also made a mental note to have a chat with Mitchell, who's been as glum as a winter sky.

He hasn't been himself for a while now, though Savannah couldn't work out if it were because of exams or not.

All she knew was that she had to do all she could to be there for Mitchell as he had been there for her.