Losing Him

Mike's Confession

Chapter Thirty

Mike's Confession

Savannah walked out into the backyard and she heard Mike's footsteps trailing behind hers.

Her mind was racing, she didn't know what to say, how she felt and how to express herself.

She sat underneath the tree and Mike sat beside her.

Boy, it was awkward.

"Mike... why did you push me away for so long?" asked Savannah, calmly.

She saw no point in trying to sugar coat the question she's been asking herself for the past twelve months.

She stared at Mike, for some reason, he was finding it difficult to look Savannah in her eyes.

"It's hard to say," scoffed Mike.

Savannah was trying not to get frustrated, it's taken a lot out of her to have this long overdue conversation.

The least he could do was be as open as Savannah was being.

"Michael, for the longest time, you made me feel invisible... I can't tell you how much that hurt. I just why to know why? what did I do?"

"It wasn't you Savann-"

"Then what was the problem?!"

"Me!"

There was a silence. They both cooled themselves off. Savannah stayed quiet, prompting him to explain himself.

"You don't know how hard it is Savannah, to have a younger sibling that is everything you want to be.

"I pushed you away Savannah because you were a reminder of everything I wasn't.

"You're strong willed, you don't betray your morals to simply please other people, instead of admiring you, I envied you.

"All these 'friends' are only in my life because of what I am, not who I am. And I guess I wasn't strong enough to cut them off because I felt like I needed them.

"I'm not like you Savannah, I have an entourage full of people at my beck and call, yet I feel like I haven't got a friend in the world.

"All these people looking up to me, admiring me, kissing the ground I walk on, I'd trade it all to have what you have in the friendships you make."

He sighed and finally looked at Savannah.

"I'm sorry about Leon by the way, what you two had was special." He sighed and Savannah looked away, her harsh glare now aimed at the grass.

"I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Well you did!" spat Savannah, she felt her temperature rising.

Did he really expect her to feel sorry for him after that pathetic little sob story?

"It isn't my fault that you're insecure about your morals, I shouldn't have to suffer because you feel incompetent.

"That's the thing that always irks me about you Michael, you hurt the people who love you, then you treat the people who walk all over you like royalty."

Savannah's words may have been harsh, but that's how she felt.

All the emotions that she supressed over the past year were pouring out towards the person who inflicted them upon her.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he said hanging his head in shame.

"The more I tried to make things better between us, it seemed like all I did was make things worse. I felt terrible about missing your birthday so I got Ben to place a gold, custom-made pendant on your bed."

"That was you?" asked Savannah unbelievingly. The thought of Mike even remembering her birthday hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Yeah," breathed Mike.

"I thought after that we'd be okay. I expected you to forgive me and I know how stupid I was looking back on it now, but I honestly missed you.

"It was my doing Savannah, and I'm not trying to pin it on you or anything, but I resented you for... I guess, retaliating."

"It was childish, I know, but it's honestly how I felt at the time.

"And then I took it too far, I didn't mean for it to escalate to... a physical fight, I let my anger and resentment take over my body and made me do things I... I'm so sorry."

Savannah was quiet, trying to make sense of everything, she wasn't sympathetic, or forgiving quite yet, but she could empathise with how Mike had felt.

She was no stranger to the feeling of being helpless while her body was being completely taken over by an emotion stronger than she was sometimes.

"After I saw you tumble down the stairs and how battered and bruised you were, I finally snapped out of it." Confessed Mike.

"I carried you to your room, tried to clean you up and tried to forget that it ever happened."

Savannah remained quiet, she felt like she had been hit in the face again.

She was shocked, she believed things were a certain way for so long and now she's been told that they weren't.

She had answers to questions she hadn't asked.

"I fell down the stairs?" she said smirking up at him,

"Yeah- you di- Savannah it isn't funny!" he said trying to supress a smile.

"You have to admit bro, I kicked your ass," said Savannah

"Yeah and then you fell down the stairs,"

Savannah cackled as Mike chuckled softly, not taking his eyes off her.

"I'm really sorry Savannah... I let you down for the longest time," he looked to the sky.

Savannah was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

She'd never thought what this was doing to him.

She reflected for a moment, she had no room left in her heart for hate and bitterness, especially towards a loved one.

"Hey Mike, it's okay," said Savannah contently.

Mike immediately threw his arms around Savannah.

She felt tears building up in eyes.

She hadn't felt this close to her brother in too long.

Feeling unexpected and overwhelming feelings of joy and relief.

They made their ways inside as the sun set, Mike's arm draping over Savannah's shoulder.

As they walked into the kitchen, amongst all the curly-haired, brown people, there were two unfamiliar looking people at a glance, but when Savannah recognised them, all the oxygen drained out of her lungs.

Leon's parents Grace and Mark Thompson were chatting with Savannah's parents.

They looked better than the last time Savannah had seen them.

Grace's golden blonde hair was in a bob, her blue eyes sparkled as she stood arm in arm with her husband Mark, with chestnut brown eyes he passed down to Leon and his black hair gelled back.

Grace spotted Savannah and called her over.

"Savannah darling, how are you?" she asked softly, although Grace had a smile, you could see the pain lingering on her face.

"I'm fine Grace," smiled Savannah, "Merry Christmas."

"Oh speaking of Christmas," said Mark pulling something from his suit.

Mark handed Savannah a paperback display folder.

"From Leon," he said sweetly smiling down at Savannah,

"be sure to read it in your own time, Merry Christmas darling," said Grace, beaming at Savannah who was at a complete loss for words.