Wolf (Andley)

Drown Our Sorrows

Andy laid on the bed the next day, gazing up at the ceiling. He hadn't done much since waking up besides gotten breakfast for the kids and showered. Ashley had taken a few days to stay home and spend time with the kids, knowing full well Andy wouldn't feel up to doing anything.

Andy could hear them from upstairs where he lay on the large bed, listening to the giggles and coos of his children, and the playful teasing of his mate. Normally, he'd be with them, joining in on the family time, or at least smile fondly at the sounds. Not today...
Today was different.

Today, although the room was lit brightly by the sun that poured in through the window and not a cloud hung in the sky, Andy's world was dark and dim.

There were so many things that needed to be done, but Andy physically couldn't bring himself to move. His mind was so shut down that he felt like his whole world had stopped.
Even still, there was that one small, flickering light in the back of his head.
It was like being in a dark enclosed space, and the only light being a century old light bulb dangling overhead, flickering as it swings ever so slightly. The eerie orange glow is anything but comforting, as it seems to cast a menacing shine upon the things Andy tried not to focus on; the things he tried to ignore the most.
How he felt that he had failed as a parent, how he failed as a mate, even as a son. 

And there, in the back of his mind along with the small bit of light, was a voice that seemed to echo repeatedly, like a horribly broken record, all of those things back to him; it reminded him over, and over, and over again how terrible he should feel, how worthless and irresponsible.

He didn't deserve Ashley. He didn't deserve his children. He didn't deserve any bit of light in his life except the one that kept his sinking depression fueled like an angry fire devouring all in its path to total destruction; and in this case, it was destroying Andy.

Ashley had grown worried for his lover, as he hadn't seen him come back downstairs after saying he was going to shower. He had heard the water shut off roughly two hours ago, so why hadn't he come back down stairs? He looked to the small children that all sat entertaining themselves with various toddler toys and books. Alice sat with two of her brothers, Mike and Jordan, sounding out words slowly in a book for them. Ashley smiled fondly and pulled his phone out to get a video.

Alice had always been the quickest learner of the bunch, she was so bright. Just like Andy...
"Po.. Pol..ar? Polar.. beer?" Alice frowned, squinting at the word. Ashley smiled a bit.
"Bear, sweetie. It's pronounced 'bear.'"
Alice smiled and nodded. "Polar bear, polar bear... what do you h- he..hear." She beamed proudly. "I did it! You try, Mikey!"
Mike looked down at the book and shook his head. Alice looked at Jordan, who mimicked Mike's head shake.
"Fine. I'll keep reading." She shrugged and continued to sound out the words. Ashley stopped recording the video and stood up off of the rug.

"Alright, Alice, daddy's gonna go check on mommy. I want you to keep a good eye on your brothers and sister, okay?" Ashley explained to her. Alice looked up and tilted her head.
"Is mommy sick?"
"That's what I'm going to go see, sweet pea." He sighed and went upstairs.

The upstairs was too quiet for Ashley's liking. He could hear the floor creak ever so slightly beneath his feet as he advanced to the master bedroom. The door half-open, but not enough that Ashley could get a glimpse of Andy.
"Andy?" Ashley pushed it open and frowned, seeing the quiet, still figure on the bed. "Oh, honey..." He murmured and sat on the bed.
Andy made no move to acknowledge he was there, simply inhaled and exhaled steadily as he had been.
"What's the matter?" Ashley brushed some of Andy's hair behind his ear gently, leaning over him to look at his face. "C'mon, Ands, talk to me."
But Andy was still silent. No sound.
Ashley sat up and looked at the floor. He, too, fell silent.
What was he supposed to say?

"I feel so empty, Ashley... I feel so numb." Andy whispered, almost no emotion in his voice. "Like... like a shell of myself."
Ashley said nothing, although there were millions of things he wanted to say. He simply crawled over him and laid down on his side, and pulled Andy into his arms. Andy, in response, buried his face in Ashley's shoulder, the strong scented cologne calming him slightly.

"I hate myself..." Andy murmured.
Ashley squeezed his eyes shut, trying to deny the tears that sprung to his eyes hearing the words be uttered. "Don't say that."
"But it's true."
"And I said don't say that. Ever." Ashley responded tightly, feeling his heart twist in his chest. "There is nothing, absolutely nothing, about yourself to hate."
"I let Drake down... I let you down." Andy droned.
Ashley let go of him and gently pushed him away, using a hand to force Andy to look at him.

"You let neither of us down." Ashley stared into his eyes. "You went out, and you got him. You rescued our son and he's safe now..."
Andy didn't say anything, but he tugged his face away to look away again.
"Andy, please. Come downstairs to spend some time with them... They're waiting for you to come downstairs." Ashley sighed.
Andy's eyes widened, the first change in facial expression Ashley had seen in a while.

"Wait- Are they all downstairs by themselves!?" He gasped in horror and rolled off of the bed. Ashley followed quickly.
"Andy, they're fine, whats the big deal?" He frowned, stopping on the staircase landing. He watched as Andy counted each kid, one arm tightly wrapped around himself and the other lifted to his head, fist resting against his chin.

"Where's Sam!? Samantha, honey, where-" Andy looked around in panic and nearly collapsed when he saw her sitting up on the couch behind him.
Ashley said nothing, watching the scene with an aching heart. Was Andy really that broken up over what happened with Drake?
Andy scooped Samantha up in his arms and cradled her close, burying his face in her soft blonde hair. Samantha frowned, furrowing her brows.

"Mommy, are you okay?"

Ashley stepped down the last few steps and came over to them. "Andy... Put her down."
Andy didn't protest, setting Samantha down on the floor gently. He turned to look at Ashley, lower lip trembling. Ashley said nothing, opening his arms, which Andy quickly collapsed into. His arms didn't reciprocate the embrace, as they were pulled into himself to grab at Ashley's shirt tightly, face pushed into his chest as heart wrenching sobs emanated from his frail body.
Andy felt two small arms wrap around his leg and he peeked down to see Samantha peering up at him.

"Don't be sad..." She whimpered. "Can I make you feel better? You can wear my fairy princess tiara, even, or- or wear that macaroni necklace you told me you liked! The one I made at school!"
Andy's lips shakily tugged into a smile as he remembered. Last year, when they had given daycare a shot, Samantha had come home with a necklace made of macaroni noodles, large plastic beads, and glittery butterfly stickers to decorate some of the noodles. He remembered calling it the most beautiful necklace in the whole wide world, and the excitement in her eyes was priceless.

Ultimately, they had pulled all the kids out of daycare, deciding it was best for them to remain at home with Andy.

"Yeah..." He nodded, wiping his eyes. "Give me a fairy princess makeover, baby girl."
Samantha's eyes lit up with hope and she ran up the stairs. "I'll go get my fairy dress, and fairy wings on! And my wand!"
Andy chuckled under his breath and watched over Ashley's shoulder as she scrambled to her bedroom to get her 'supplies.'

"Y'know what?" Ashley murmured. Andy looked at him, and Ashley reached a hand up to wipe the tear stains off of his cheeks. "You're our favorite mommy."

A/N: so hi what's up y'all

i've been so lazy lately

but hey i've been hella trash for Marianas Trench lately, and if you are too go check out marianastrenchvideos on IG pls bc that's my second IG <3
Also I just wrapped up Game Over, so now I'll focus more on this story and Darkness Finds You :)