onesie. ☤ phan au

fifteen days past

a.n. // i wrote this quickly ( sorry ) as wattpad kept telling me "we can't save this" and then logged me out wtf wattpad wyd

also i'm level 10 in pokemon go and team valor hbu ( my pokemon still have approximately 500 cp since my mom doesn't want me to go outside often since i'm using her phone bc my phone is TOO OLD to function )

ALSO remember when i said that the next few chapters will be happy

i lied

january 22

dan

choice of onesie: charmander ( bc pokemon go )

it was twelve in the morning just now.

"i'm dying," i tell pj. now, we were in total silence. i couldn't hear pj breathe through the mic, but then he laughs like this is all a joke. except that the laugh sounded like that laugh when you're scared it's true but you want to laugh it off like it's some kind of joke.

"is this some kind of sick joke or what?" he laughs. i stare into space in the dark room. "don't tell me you're actually dying." his voice cracked at the end which made me want to cry. i can't stand knowing that one of my best friend's boyfriend who's kind of my best friend now is sad because he knows i'm dying. if i go, then he has no one.

pj and i spoke a lot after chris's death. when chris died, pj came over to the hospital to have a cup of tea with me every single day for one year. we spoke about him as a person and about ourselves. we got to know each other a lot more than before and before you knew it, we became best friends.

"i can't believe we've been friends for a whole year and not even more. i should have been friends with you a long time ago, daniel," pj grins. just a year ago, peej and i officially had our first deep conversation after chris died. we're friends now and having some banter over tea.

"i can't believe we are friends. i thought i'd never have any friends outside of this hospital. now i do." pj smiles even wider. he takes a large slurp™ out of his cup.

"you aren't gonna die, right?" pj suddenly drops. i look at him and smile at him like he's crazy.

"of course not––"

"dan, stop. i don't want to befriend someone who i know i'm gonna lose. i'm gonna get too attached to you and then you're gonna drop dead in this hospital. please, you aren't dying, right?"

"n––"

"dan! i think you're dying." pj was now in tears. i look at his tear stained face. he looks down at his tears continuously wiping his eyes so that the tears won't fall into his tea. "why else are you still here? why are they still doing tests on you even though you're supposedly 'cancer free?' dan, i don't want to lose you. you're the bestest friend i have at the moment. mine just died and i don't want another to die along with him, too."

i sigh and move over closer to pj. i know how hard this is for him. he's broken and lost and afraid. he doesn't know where to go and he's leaning on my shoulder.

"i don't know, peej," i tell him. i pat his shoulder. "no one's telling me anything. if i'm gonna be honest with you, i think i'm dying. they, the hospital, probably just think that i'm going to be okay. why else am i still here? i mean, i should be at home with louise. she's my official legal guardian after my parents left me. but here i am having to be tested once a week. i don't have anyone except lousie. and you. everyone is dying around me and i hate it."

"i lost my parents just two months after chris died. in a car accident, actually. we were driving home from a small vacation and then their car slipped on some black ice and we got in a car accident. i survived as i didn't get impacted as much as my parents.