Without love ~ phan

Chapter VI

Phil's POV

I've finally figured out what to talk about with Daniel. I will impress him with my knowledge of plants. Everyone knows something about plants so it'll be easy to carry on the conversation. It's fool proof. "Did you know," I ask, trying to appear casual, and not like I'd been rehearsing the words moments ago. "That the smell of freshly cut grass is actually a warning signal to the rest of the grass?" He looks at me with absolute antipathy and I feel my fight or flight response kicking in. But no matter how excruciating this is, time is still moving forward just as we are, and I can't act like some wild animal. So I calmly wait for him to give me some signal that he heard me. The signal is the word, "no" followed by a continuation of the stare down with the pavement beneath our feet. His response is rather transitory, my confidence only boosting by a fraction, but at least I know now that he will say something if I say something first.

As our steps carry us further through the park, I proceed to tell him more, very interesting plant facts. I even manage to throw in some intricate puns that should've blown his mind. But of course, he doesn't so much as smile.

Dan's POV

We're finally reaching the end of this ridiculously long trail and I've successfully avoided most of Phil Lester's painfully persistent commentary. I didn't think anyone cared that much about plants, especially in a city such as Baltimore. So many of the names he mentioned were gibberish to me and it all makes me wonder where he even learned about them. In the days when that could have been a normal conversation between friends, we didn't talk about our family situations. Maybe his mom is a gardener or his dad is some kind of scientist. Maybe his parents never trusted him with a real pet so instead they gave him a house plant. I wouldn't be surprised if he named the thing and made it a part of his dorky family. One more Lester with a one way ticket to oddity island. I'm sure an island would be quite refreshing for them.

When we make it back where we started I position myself next to Link again, distancing myself from the pun crazy loon. I almost hold onto Link's arm like I would do when I was scared of losing my mother in a large crowd as a child, but then I remember that I've already lost him. If this were a movie, I would shake his shoulders and slap him in the face to bring him back down to earth. He would thank me and the hungry wolf would grumble angrily as we placed our feet back on the path for the last time. Instead, I step back and watch him and Tracy hug, trying to picture her without a heart of gold. A picture of pride to hang on a wall.

"You know what?," she asks, looking around at each of us. "Today was so much fun, I think we should make this a weekly thing." Please say no. Link, if you can hear me, say no. He's not gonna say no. I'm gonna have to- "That sounds just perfect," he says before I can turn her down. I have a lot of things I want to say to you now, Link. It's almost like you didn't see how horrible of a time I was having because you were too busy fraternizing with the enemy. Well if you think I'm coming back next week to waste another sunny day walking in circles, you are surely mistaken. I should probably be saying these things out loud but I haven't had much luck with speaking today. Perhaps Phil can help me out here. I certainly haven't been pleasant enough for him to want to ever see me again.

I thought too soon. He's smiling, nodding along and genuinely agreeing to spend time with me four days a month. I feel like I'm looking at everything around me from the outside, like a one way mirror no one realizes I'm standing behind. "Dan and I will see you two next Sunday. Same time, same place," Link says, squeezing her hand with admiration in his eyes. Tracy flirtatiously waves at him and walks off with Phil in tow. I watch them leave until they're too small to see anymore, until I finally process the sound waves threading together of Link telling me it's time to go. He guides me away but I can't see his movements and I can't feel his hand on my back.