Without love ~ phan

Chapter XII

Phil's POV

He practically invited me to a party, I called him Dan and he didn't even notice. We're standing as close together as the unofficial cutest couple in Baltimore. I guess you could say, based on every movie ever, that we're friends now. And, wow, he's so pretty when he smiles. All I did was say that I would get myself to a location at a certain time and there he goes, lighting up as if his love just came back from the dead.

He's explaining to me what the party will be like in intricate detail, from what people will be wearing, to where they sneak away to smoke. He says it all as if he's describing the plot of his favorite movie that he's seen twenty-four times, straight to the point but enthusiastic at the appropriate tid-bits. When I think he's on his last sentence, he remembers something mid-way and switches to that. The only thing that stops me from watching his absurd hand gestures is the silence coming from Tracy and Link. I wouldn't've noticed it if it weren't for my zoning out and not receiving the background giggles that should have come with it.

I look up to meet their turning heads and stiff postures. It's no doubt that they were watching us, those sneaky jerks. I keep my eye on them to see if they ever turn back around, but they don't. What are they thinking? Well, I'm sure whatever it is isn't that important anyways.

Using some mental effort, I return my attention back to Dan. That's not entirely true, I'm staring at him but my listening is still for Link and Tracy only. An idea about what they could've been discussing while watching the two of us is settling, a pretty idea but one just as unrealistic. An idea that they see us as I see us. This isn't helpful, they're messing with my mind without even trying to.

Attempting to distract myself from the inevitable fall into fantasy land, and to distract Dan from spewing out Corny Collins words of appreciation, I say, "Hey, Dan. Race you to the end of the trail."

"What, so I can make you laugh by falling on my butt?"

"Come on, Dan. It'll be fun."

"Ok, fine."

"One, two, three, go!"

As we skid past Link and Tracy, the rush of frozen air is exhilarating enough to rid of any thoughts besides 'run faster'. This is how I once felt all the time, when nothing was complicated. It's such a wonderful picture Dan, you and I running back into those days.

Dan's POV

I was significantly faster than Phil and beat him by a long shot. He didn't take it well and demanded a rematch. I tried to explain to him that he just naturally sucks at being fast but he wouldn't listen, which means we didn't stop racing around the park until he finally got too tired to continue. Since I am not fit at all, it didn't take long for me to become breathless and I found out that Phil is the same way. Yet still, Link and Tracy left us right as they finished their one lap around so now it's just him and I, facing each other, both trying to quiet down our loud breathing.

Due to the fact that I'm standing relaxed and carefree even in the face of potential regret, I think I'm allowed to say that I'm becoming a better person. Returning his smiles in the halls is a natural action. We've even exchanged phone numbers. His obnoxious cat has become a nearly perfect alarm clock and whenever we had a dream from the night before we tell each other everything we can remember. It's all so great but I would be lying if I said that I want to announce our friendship to everyone in sight. I've gone a long way from trying to convince Link to stay with Amber, but I'm still not confident enough to be so bold.

I am however, confident enough to invite him to my house to do homework together. "So, we still haven't had a proper get together yet. I mean, just the two of us," I say after I can breathe like a normal human again. "Yeah, I guess we haven't," he replies, his excited energy suddenly coming back to life. "I'm free right now, if you want to come over to do homework or something," I say hesitantly, despite his obviously thrilled reaction. Staring straight into my eyes as if they're the most moving art pieces in a museum, he says, "That sounds absolutely ambrosial."

I chuckle and cover my eyes with my hand, all the while with one thought repeating itself in my head, 'what a dork'.

Phil's POV

It wasn't that far of a walk from the park to Dan's house which was quite a relief. It's really too bad that feeling energized doesn't make running wild any smoother. You just end up as filled with pain as you would be at six am on a Saturday. Everything's fine now, though. My heart rate slowed back to a normal Phil heart rate when running Phil became standing Phil, and then to a heart rate of a... bee, probably. Bees always buzz around all hectic, they should have a heart rate to match. That, of course, was when standing Phil became listening Phil and hopeful Phil. Then came the walking to his house and getting to his house, in which a tree could've been growing out of my stomach and I swear I wouldn't've noticed. I wanted to see everything on the way here, memorize it so my consciousness can walk the streets again no matter where I am. Just in case I never take the journey again.

And in this exact moment walking into his house, right before I can take any of my new surroundings in, I realize that I don't have any of my homework. Silly little Philly didn't think about the fact that that's what he's here for, why he's been invited. Goodbye simple, cannot-in-any-way-become-awkward plans. See you for my next disaster.

Trying not to feel anymore foolish, I copy Dan when he takes off his shoes and coat at the door, and when he exits the living room. I don't say anything when he calls out for his parents, I'm too nervous and my eyes are too stuck to the fridge that's decorated with an abundance of magnets. Most of them are shaped like specific foods, the one that catches my eye first is one that resembles a bottle of Hershey's chocolate sauce. They're oddly captivating and I can't seem to look away.

Suddenly, I hear movement coming from one of many halls and turn at the same time Dan does. In walks a woman who looks disturbingly like Amber and a man who is most likely Dan coming back from the future. "Hello, darling," says his mother before noticing me through her very curled side bang. "Well, I wasn't expecting company. What's your name, sugar?" Unlike Amber, her eyes seem alive, dancing almost. Her husband has his hands placed on her shoulders and presents me with an identical sunshiney smile. "It's Phil," I say hesitantly, keeping my guard up in case they're actually murderers. Indeed, it's always the ones you least expect, the ones with the longest eyelashes.

"Welcome to the Howell household, Phil," says Dan's dad, holding out an intimidatingly large hand for me to shake. I take it, which leads to further small talk including phrases such as, "It's so nice to see that Daniel has made a new friend. The only time he leaves the house is to see Link. Do you know Link?" and "Would you like a tour of the house? Or maybe a snack?" and the whole time I'm thinking, 'Dan, please save me. They may be extremely nice but I only know so many words that are proper enough to fit their aesthetic.'

As it turns out, he's not a mindreader and instead of butting in like I hope he will, he keeps his distance. Due to his rocking feet and gaze on anything but us, I can conclude that he's just as awkward in his own house as he is anywhere else. I ought to keep that in mind if I ever end up questioning what we actually have in common.

The conversation finally ends when Dan catches on with the tedious feeling that comes with a thousand simple questions, and suggests we go to his bedroom. I trail behind him, leaving the picture perfect scene of a whistling, cookie-baking mother and a coffee-drinking, newspaper reading father. In a way, it's exactly what I expected. Exactly the kind of place where Dan fits in.

One hallway route later, we're in front of what I can assume is his door, and I almost knock into it when he doesn't continue in. His hand is on the handle in a tight grip, turning his knuckles white and he moves so he's facing me but not yet looking directly into my eyes. Something is scaring him. I take a risk by lifting his chin and by some miracle, it lifts his smile, too.