Without love ~ phan

Chapter XV

Phil's POV

Dan and I have plans to meet at the park today so I stopped at the florist before the time comes. I figure flowers can make anyone feel better, even the ones who can barely let go. He needs to know that I'm here to help him, here to hear him out. Plus, it was something to do to keep me busy and to keep my nerves in check.

At the moment, I'm in the heart of the park and it's just occurring to me that Dan might not be able to find me. I lean against a tree and keep my eyes on the path. If he doesn't notice me, I'll still notice him.

It's been snowing for the majority of the day, snowflakes are conveniently adding a whimsical touch to the bundle of flowers. My hands are turning red and my hair is losing its softness, becoming increasingly matted the longer I stand waiting. It appears as though the snow around my feet has only just been disturbed by my arrival to the tree and it gives me an idea. I place the flowers on a low hanging branch and slowly crouch until the whole bottom half of each of my legs are resting on the ground. I then swivel myself around to face the tree and fall back into the snow.

The dark brown branches look so lovely with their layers of soft snow against the gray sky. I flap my arms and legs rather ungracefully because no matter how much I love every gift nature has to offer, any average human has the same negative response to being submerged in snow for too long. That very response causes me to recklessly push myself up and out of the snow art I created. An unenthusiastically made snow angel now takes the place of a handful of footprints and in the position I'm in, it could be my shadow.

I take hold of the flowers and slide down on the ground cleared of snow by my chilled legs. But the crystals don't want to stop falling and I'm starting to think it was a stupid idea to get flowers in early January. If only he wasn't so dependent on his aesthetic, I would've brought a cactus instead. I would pick out a unique and not-at-all-thought-of-on-the-spot name for it that would actually sound quite nice and he would shoot it down, simultaneously failing to hide that smile. The one I know all too well.

What would he name his cactus, I wonder?

Maybe Limerance...or Imogen...or Bear.

Maybe he would tell me if he was actually here. Geez louise.

Dan's POV

I almost didn't come. Well, no. That's not true. I'm not the type to ditch people who are expecting me. I'm just a stubborn boy who wants to appear strong. A boy who's trudging through the snow for a friend who could be talking to him today for the sole purpose of announcing his love affair with Clark, who knows? Yet, I'm still trudging because he knows too much about me now to turn around. And I thought I knew too much about him but there he is, sitting with his knees up in the middle of the park (I mean, maybe. It's hard to know with all the twists and turns of this place) and he's holding flowers. The pink shades reflect off of his "space coat", drawing me in like a child to a candy store. He seems quite hypnotized by the plentiful petals, feeling the texture of each blossom before I'm only a few feet away and he gives his attention to me.

Jumping up like a lemur, he straightens his flower bearing arm almost fast enough to punch me in the chest. "Woah, calm down there," I say, backing away with mock terror as if he's brandishing a gun rather than a typical Valentine's day gift. Oh. Wait, it's January. "These are for you," he says, retracting his arm a little bit while not breaking my gaze. His head is up and proud but I can't help it when mine is slightly lowered in confusion. I take the gift from him almost cautiously. If I were wearing glasses I would be looking at him through the top of them. "Um, thank you." "I thought they would cheer you up. You know, considering yesterday," he says, somewhat losing his confidence as he speaks. I swallow and let my eyes dart away from deep seas to dark trees, it always makes embarrassment less unbearable when you don't have to witness anyone else's pity.

"That's kind of why I invited you over here. I wanted to know what happened and where you were," he says, his voice as soft as the damp, cold petals. I know he just wants to help me but I have no control when my throat starts to hurt and my lips get clamped together. If I cry now one could say I've cried every day this year. But that is not an option. "Come on. Let's sit down," Phil instructs, nodding his head in the direction of the tree. I shuffle forward with no longer any desire to stay. The material of my jeans is thin enough for layers of snow to nip my skin. The flowers keep me from curling myself up, maintaining a reasonable temperature with an added bonus of hiding away. All while Phil is expecting something I can't give him.

Ignoring him won't make this any easier so I might as well get some answers out of him instead. "Well where were you?," I ask, focusing intensely on being straightforward, daring him to admit to his wonderful night without me. My throat is loosening a bit as the worry fades and anger grows in it's place. "Preoccupied with someone else, that's for sure."

Someone with her head in the clouds and a nose that stops to smell every rose. A girl who's a perfect companion in this life and your ideal queen in another one. With head turning beauty and a heart as big as yours, she fits you quite well. You could be happy with her. I could find someone too and we could have special nights for just us guys. Everything would be fine, and ok, and good.

Phil's POV

Dan's being aggressive all of a sudden. His eyebrows are so furrowed in concentration on his thoughts that I'm afraid he might get a headache. Just a second ago he appeared hopeless and extremely upset and now it's like I'm the one with the least power on the day I was planning to get an explanation. The tables have turned and he's definitely not on my side.

"I was at the party looking for you. I was convinced you hadn't come at all," I say, accusingly. He turns his attention back to me with red hot hurt masking his face. "You were not looking for me. You were busy having fun with Clark." Dodie. So that's what he's talking about. "I know you brought her as your date, ok? So don't lie." I almost laugh at how childish he's being. He looks like a toddler who claims everyone left him behind because they can all swim and he can't. Little does he know, the water is more welcoming than it looks and I need him as much as he apparently needs me.

"Trust me, I wouldn't want to date Dodie. She's amazing but my gut says she's not the one." At that, he returns to a resting, neutral expression and goes back to observing the flowers. I guess my reassuring voice and two sentences of pure truth is all it takes for him to see my side of things.

"Thanks again for the flowers by the way," he says, not looking up at me. "Although they're not very symmetrical." I scoff at his change of heart and I can tell he's trying not to laugh as I say, "Excuse me? I made that bouquet especially for you." "Okay. But all I'm saying is you could've been more precise when picking out the colors. You know, so they match," he says, pointedly tilting the flowers towards me, showing off the many shades of pink. I take advantage of his cockiness by swiping the flowers out of his grip and holding them away from him. "So I guess that means you'd rather I take them back, then?," I say, smirking at his pouty expression. "Phil, give them back," he says holding out his hand and attempting to be stern. I get up real close to his face, keeping the flowers out of his reach, and say, "You'll have to catch me first."