Without love ~ phan

Chapter XIV

Phil's POV

It's weird suddenly being chummy with Dodie again for the first time in so long. I didn't wake up this morning with a plan in mind for how to become friends with her again, it happened because of a chance event on the way here. If I had walked out of the house only one minute later, it's possible that it wouldn't have happened.

{It's finally time to leave and although I've never been to a party, I can assume that I look acceptable because my dad helped me pick something out. It wasn't that time consuming and I ended up with an outfit I would wear on a day to day basis. So, either I'm naturally stylish or this party is going to be easier than I could've hoped.

Before stepping out into the night, I turn towards the house and shout out, "Dad! I'm leaving now!" At my last word, he shuffles in from the living room with Reese's trailing behind him. "Have a good time, son," he says, clasping my arms and then hugging me. Meanwhile, Reese's has started a bombardment of what I'm sure are cat swears and I'm thinking she should see some anger management specialist.

He pulls away from me, making some sarcastic remarks about how I'm too young to drink and how I shouldn't bring anyone home because he "knows how crazy" I can get. Yada, yada, yada. I say goodbye to him, making up an excuse that I'll be late, and he picks up Reese's so I can leave. (She's not allowed out at night). I step down onto the porch and close the door behind me, only now realizing as I look down at the new layer of snow, that I'm not wearing appropriate shoes for the weather. Oh, well. Sneakers never hurt anybody.

I make my way down the porch steps and onto the sidewalk, fiddling with my gloves as I walk. I stop short once I get there to properly put on the gloves that somehow got torn up on the inside. Gee, these weren't even that old. Oh, I almost got it. "Phil! Is that you?" I look up before I have time to think about who it could be, calling my name at eight o'clock at night, on a street where I only know one or two people. But then I match the voice to the face and it lines up perfectly. It's Dodie, Dodie Clark. What is she doing here? I never knew her as the type to go on walks at night, not to mention I always thought she lived farther away. But it is her and she's gradually walking closer to me and waiting for a reaction.

"H-Hi Dodie. What are you doing around here?," I ask, trying to come off as polite. "I was just on my way to Corny Collin's new years party. It's going to be a blast," she says, smiling like a kid. I guess, she always looks like a kid, from her large, heavily makeuped eyes to the loose dresses she wears that make her look so effortless. "I heard," I say, chuckling at her enthusiasm. "That's where I'm going, too." "No way!," she says, linking her arm with mine. "Come on, let's walk together. We have a lot of catching up to do."}

And so, we went on a little trip and told each other about current events in our lives that won't be remembered by the listener in a week's time. But let's face it, that moment was probably all we had, tonight is probably all we have. It's fine though, I've been without her as a friend for multiple years. I haven't even thought about her for multiple years. It's nice and fun to have tonight but it's not vital for keeping my life on track.

We're currently having a very competitive bad jokes competition and she's telling me one about badminton and a dog. I think I might save it for later.

    Dan's POV

    The urge to spend time with Phil has diminished, as it seems wherever he goes, she goes. I'm just the fifth wheel, awkward because I'm not by Link's side and downcast because I'm not by Phil's. I usually like loud music but the songs that are playing are the ones that are played too often and by the looks of things, I'm the only one who cares. People dance in flamboyant groups and I'm hovering in the middle of a lose-lose situation.

    I'd be better off just going home. Nobody wants me here, I'm just a roadblock in their exciting night. All their backs are turned away from me and if they even happen to take a good look at my small self, I'd just pass on my terrible mood. It's likely that if I asked, Link and Tracy would do what they could to share their joy with me, but it's not what I want. They'll ask me questions that will lead to digging to the roots of my sadness, and I don't have a shovel, and I don't know where to dig. There's already too much dirt under my fingernails.

    The door is only a few confident strides away, equivalent to about ten shaky ones. I'll make it without failure and the blast of cold air will hug me, pricking my eyes until the tears come falling down. I'm just a tornado of my own feelings and absolutely any type of dolorifuge can't keep me from destruction.

    I'm walking away because surrounding me are noises that I need to escape from. Numbers are being counted down from people with love in their eyes and the balloons are big enough to suffocate me.

"10...9...8"

I can't be here.

"7...6...5

He's going to kiss her.

"4...3...2"

The door is too heavy.

"1!"

Click. Crash. Down. I go.

Phil's POV

    Everyone is already counting down 'til the start of 1962 and somehow I've spent the whole night with Dodie. I mirror everyone's chanting while simultaneously looking at the clock to calculate exactly how long I've been here. Also known as, exactly how long Dan hasn't. He asked me to be here and not even Tracy and Link know what happened to him. He might not have come at all.

    It could be a most satisfactory night, except the sad truth is that girls are facing boys and Dodie may be expecting me to kiss her at midnight. I ought to just tell her that I'd rather kiss someone else. "Dodie!," I yell over the crowd. "I wish Dan were here!" Please catch on to what I'm hinting at. She smiles without hesitance and shouts as a flock of balloons fall down around her, "You two sure are cute! I hope you end up together!" Full of relief, I laugh lightly and say, "I better get going. Maybe I'll see you around." She nods and I walk past her, past couples that can't seem to keep their hands to themselves, while kicking through the balloons to make a path.

The lights are back to normal fluorescent white from previously being colorful and dramatic and the music has stopped, but a lot of people are still hanging around. Maybe they're pausing to appreciate the fact that this will be their first memory of this year. That's certainly the only reason I would stay. Except, unlike them, I don't have the time. I need to get to a phone so I can call Dan and find out what happened. Something could be wrong, I mean I'm sure he wouldn't ditch me on purpose.

I make it to the door and find it surprisingly hard to get open. With another push of great force, I end up almost falling over because whatever was blocking it before vanished. Except it didn't. As I get my balance back, my eyes trail from a leather jacket to brown eyes that have seen better days. Dan is here without warning and he looks so heartbroken without warning and before considering a smarter response, I throw my arms around him.

    Dan's POV

I don't know.

It was nice.

His neck was warm.

He didn't let go until I stopped crying.

I don't know.

His arms fit perfectly across my back.

He whispered, "it's okay" in my ear.

I don't know.

The tears staining his shirt didn't suit him one bit but he'll never know.