Love & Self Loathing

7/5/16.2

Jasmine's POV

It was 6 a.m. and I knew I wasn't going to be getting any sleep. So, I put on my black hoodie and walked out into the living room. This place is really creepy, but I guess it's okay. It's somewhere to live, somewhere away from her. Am I worried about that missing person's report? No. Once the cops realize what I have, they'll leave me be. They'll just assume that i lost control and either killed myself or is homeless. To be honest, I think the cops want to deal with someone like me. Someone who could snap any second. Oh wait, I have medicine and as long as I take it, I'll be okay. I won't "go insane." The worse thing that would happen is that I would jump off that bridge. At least that way, I won't have to be a burden on anymore.

Why did I even stop? Was it because I saw an old friend that I thought I would never see again? Because that's the only reasoning that I can come up with. I have nothing else to love for. I am the reason to why I have mental problems, I'm reason why she loves to set an extra plate just to torture me. I have fucked up my life so bad that I shouldn't even have a right to live on this planet anymore. I should've jumped when that kid told me to jump. And yet for some reason, I'm not going back. I'm just sitting on this couch. Thinking about what I should've done and not taking any actions. 

"Good morning!" Edwin shouted putting his hands on my shoulders. 

"Jesus Christ." I said annoyed under my breathe. 

"Oh right, personal space." I feel as if Edwin has a hard time understanding what that actually means. 

He definitely changed, he used to be so quiet. I mean, yeah sometimes he would get spur of the moments hyped. But most of the time he kept to himself. Now he wants to know everything that I'm doing and tell me all the "great" things about his day. I wonder what happened to him. 

"What's your plan for today? I was thinking that I could introduce you to my friend Kyle, he's just like you, quiet and likes space. He doesn't talk much, kind of like you." 

"I guess that. I never really go outside anymore, so maybe that'll be good for me."

"Yes! Bobby is getting ready. We'll go eat and afterwards you can meet Kyle!" He had the biggest smile on his face. 

I want to hate him, like how I hate every god damn person on this planet. But for some unknown reason I can't hate him. Maybe he's just too happy, but wouldn't that make me hate? I mean I don't hate when people are happy, it's just that I haven't felt that in a long time. Maybe I'm just jealous of them. Those people didn't have to go through what I went through. They have normal lives, lots of friends, a family that they're not afraid and love. I always wanted something like that. Yet, I haven't in several years. 

Bobby came downstairs wearing an old fashion diner outfit. She smiled at the both of us and said it was time to go. I shrugged and we left. As we were walking, I kept my head down for most of it. When I had to look up, I noticed that Edwin loved everything that he saw. He was so amused. I had my hands in my pocket and realized that I left my phone back at that house. What do I even need it for though? The only person I ever talked to on that was her and I don't have to deal with that anymore. Still, I could've pawned it. 

Edwin's POV

We got to the restaurant and sat down. I love the food here, I know Jasmine will too. I am so excited for today. I just can't wait! I have to eat fast, so we can hurry up and leave. I looked at Jasmine with a huge smile on my face. She was reading her menu. I love how she reads her menu, just another reason why I'm still on this Earth. I noticed as we were walking, she kept her head down for most of it. It really sucks that Jasmine is missing out on all the beautiful things in life. But, I will get her to the world like how I do. I noticed from the corner of my eye, Bobby looking curious. 

"So, Jasmine, how'd you sleep? I know it's not the best bed, but it's all we got." Bobby questioned. 

Jasmine shrugged, "I didn't get much sleep."

"Oh, was it because of the bed? I could go out and get more blankets for it." She suggested.

Jasmine shook her head, "I have insomnia. I can't sleep." 

"I could make you some sleepy time tea." 

Jasmine doesn't look like she's enjoying this conversation. I feel bad. All I want her to be is happy and love her life. Kind of like how I love mine. 

"That actually sounds nice," Jasmine said. I'm in shock, "I never been around someone who cares so much to make me tea."

"Well, you're one of Edwin's friends and that means I care about you."

"You don't even know me."

"Just because I don't know you, doesn't mean that I can't care. I want you to feel comfortable around us." Bobby added.

Jasmine looked at the floor, "Okay, right. You want me to tell you all my problems." 

She shook her head, "It's not like th-"

"Save it."

Bobby just nodded and looked away. I knew she wasn't angry. It takes a lot for Bobby to get angry. She is just upset that she get through to Jasmine. I feel bad, I wish Jasmine could be as happy as me. We ordered our food and ate. Afterwards, Bobby gave the rules to me and Jasmine. I guess it's Jasmine's turn to keep an eye on me. I nodded, took Jasmine and left. Yes, she finally gets to meet Kyle. I can't wait for that. It makes me so happy that my two friends will be able to meet. We went to the beach and there Kyle was. Just standing, staring out into the ocean. I wonder what he's thinking about. 

"Hey! Kyle!" I shouted running up to him. 

He turned around, had the same expression as Jasmine, nothingness. Except he actually gave me eye contact. He was looking curious at Jasmine. It's rare for him to meet my new friends. 

"This is my childhood best friend, Jasmine."

"Seriously?"

I nodded. Jasmine didn't even bother to look at him. Kyle walked up to her and put his hands gently onto her face. He lifted her face up and so he could see it. She looked really mad. She really likes her space. She pulled away and slapped him across the face. Yeah, she really like her space. He took a step back with his hands up. He didn't seem fazed by it. Jasmine continued to keep her silence. 

"You're that missing girl. I went to a cafe today and saw your picture on someone's smartphone." He pointed out. 

"What're you do? Run me in? Get cash reward?" She questioned, not looking at him.

"No, I'm not a rat." He added.

She didn't say anything. 

"I can help you. I assume you ran away for a good reason."

"I barely talk to people, I never left the house, it had wifi there. Why would I ever want to leave paradise?" 

He smiled a little. I have never seen him smile. What power does Jasmine have? I need this power! "Yeah, paradise, sounds great."

Yet still no smile out of Jasmine. I have as long as I want to get her to smile. I'm going to be the one to make her smile. I can promise anyone that. I'm sure Jasmine has a beautiful smile. I'm sure it's just as beautiful as this world.