Afraid Of Falling

Chapter Four

Friday evening and I've managed to avoid everyone; making sure to interact with them as little as possible but just enough that it doesn't raise any suspicion. Luckily for me everyone has the impression I'm shy from my first week so they're not pushing me...yet.

I've even been catching the bus instead of driving to and from school with Heath. I know he's been trying to get my attention, but I really don't need to drag more people down with me, not again.

I rolled over in my bed and checked the time, 3:48 am I can't sleep - all I can think about is the fact that he's here.

As I wallowed in the fact that it was all coming back to me and it didn't look like this was something I would be able to ever get rid of, I heard a noise near my window. It was a hot night so I had left it open, panic raged through me thinking it was Braydon, when I was at school I felt him watch me wherever I went. I looked over to the window; I could make a figure out, but I couldn't see who it was. I sat up and grabbed the cricket bat that I'd stashed next to my bed and raised it in my hands...

"Woah Bambi! It's just me!" Heath hissed. I could hear the fear in his voice.

"Heath, what are you doing here?" I hissed back, I still held the bat, but lowered it as I spoke.

"Isn't it obvious? I can't get my head around my homework and thought you might be able to help me" His retort dripped with sarcasm.

I couldn't help but giggle, I was probably just overtired. I got myself under control

"You really shouldn't be here..." I whispered as I stared down at my hands.

"Bambi -" he made to take the bat out of my hands, I held it tighter before letting go.

"But I am here - Kristy's worried about you and you're not answering your texts. Seriously though Bambi, why have you been avoiding me? Is this about what happened at Jack's?"

"No, it's not that, I've just had a lot on my mind." I avoided looking at him, as he sat down on the foot of my bed "It's not you Heath - I'm just no good for anyone" My voice caught in my throat through the sob that I'd been supressing since Sunday. The next thing I knew Heath was at my side, enveloping me in his arms and rubbing my back.

No tears came - but I had been holding it together and with Heath I felt safe like I could finally face my problems, I wasn't looking for a hero. This was nice though. We sat back on the bed, heads propped up against the headboard. I finally felt like I could relax.

******
"What in the name of Buddha is going on in here?" I was awoken by Aunt Rae from the door to my room her voice was quiet but there was an iciness that I had never heard before. It woke me with a start and I looked around to see that Heath was awake now too, and we were spooning; this looks bad... "You're on a slippery slope it seems again Ella, just like last year" The softness in her voice, just made the wound of the cut so much deeper.

"This is nothing like that! You have no right - you weren't even there!" I couldn't help but retort "Can we not do this right now?" I gestured to Heath. Who was gathering up his phone before making a swift exit out of my room, looking back at me as he closed the door with an apology in his eyes

"Don't you DARE throw that in my face; god knows this isn't what I wanted!" Aunt Rae continued she looked at me with contempt, it made me feel so unwanted and like she blamed me entirely

I sprung out of bed and took two steps aggressively towards Aunt Rae, only to be stopped by the fact that I couldn't do it - she didn't know, no one knew she

"I can't talk to you right now Rae." I grabbed a bag and threw a few things in it before running out and pushing past Aunt Rae

"You're not going anywhere young lady" Aunt Rae called after me

"You're not my mother." I called as pushed through the front door, tears streaming down my face as I closed the door.

"And if you weren't so preoccupied with your boyfriend maybe she'd still be here." I wasn't quick enough that I didn't hear that retort - and it was the one thing that I knew to be true that hurt me more than anything else she said.

I looked at Heath, who hadn't yet made it past the edge of the veranda, with my tear stained cheeks, his face was in shock, but I couldn't decipher any other emotions.

"Um, can er- can we go to your place? I don't really want to go back in there..." I choked out.

He grabbed my hand, leading me across the road, he didn't say a thing. I wasn't sure it that was good or bad yet.

******
I can't believe this. Did this morning actually happen? I looked up from my hands, and finally took in my surroundings, I was sitting in I can only assume Heath's room - he's pretty neat for a boy, no dirty clothes, but I guess he could've cleaned up while I wallowed here without me knowing I kind of shut down as soon as he grabbed my hand.

"Ella, do you want some food?" Heath had ducked his head in to the room.

I still couldn't speak so I nodded, I expected him to leave again - but he walked in with two plates of what smelled like lasagne. I still hadn't eaten breakfast, and I could smell the meaty, cheesy goodness from where I was sitting - which I realised it was the floor in front of Heaths bed. He came and sat next to me, I sat up and shuffled a little bit away from him once I got a hold of the plate. I felt his eyes on me, curiously gazing - probably trying to see if he should say anything else. I started shovelling food in my mouth at least this way I wouldn't have to say anything yet...

We sat and ate in relative silence the only thing other than our forks hitting the plates was the music I could now hear in the background, Chet Faker, we really did have similar taste in music. I looked back at my plate, it was empty and I sat it to the side between Heath and myself. I heard him sigh, before picking up my plate and taking mine and his plates out of the room. I relaxed with my back against the bed closing my eyes and letting the music wash over me. I still don't quite know what happened this morning, I don't know what happened to Aunt Rae, but I couldn't completely blame her, it did look bad...

I felt rather than heard or saw Heath come back in the room. He sat behind me on the bed, I could feel him still watching me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered "...about this morning..."

I felt him move to the edge of the bed, and place his hand on my shoulder, I looked up at him, for the first time since this morning and I saw the concern in his eyes - it wasn't judgement, like I expected it was genuine concern.
"It's ok Bambi, do you want to sit on the bed, I'm sure you will be more comfortable..."

I made to get up, after so long sitting in that spot, my legs felt like jelly and I needed Heath to help me up, and onto the bed. I still sat away from him. But he was right I was more comfortable. He continued to watch me, he sat back against the wall again. He turned his face from me as if he knew that I couldn't talk with him looking at me.

"What happened Bambi?" He breathed.

After this morning, he deserved at least some of an answer. I looked at my hands again, and breathed deeply.

"I - I think you deserve an answer, but please just listen" I implored. "This might take a little while..."

"I'll listen, take your time." He whispered back to me.