Today was an amazing day. Because today I was let out of my cage. Me, the raper's daughter finally got to come outside for once. He said not for long though because he's gonna need me later. I know what that means. Hes going to need me at night. To keep his bed warm after he brushes his teeth and is ready for his nightly exercise. Part of me wanted it so badly because I was so willingly wanted to be broken but another part of me felt bad for my poor body. Thrusted and destroyed every night. And I laid there at the end of our activity, in my cage breathing so hard because I was not myself anymore. He took everything from me and now I was condemned to nothing but a body that could only be used for pleasure. Part of me liked it that I was useful, and that I could please someone. Rather than being trapped in a cage for days. I got to go out to the mall today. He bought me some new clothes, and of course something sexy for me to wear for his pleasure. Then he got me ice scream. I hadn't had ice cream since I was a little girl. But my mind tells me to block those memories of hot summer days and running to the truck with my money in my hand and the sweet smile of the man in the truck. Because the only things I was allowed to think about were the memories with him. After our ice cream, we went to see a movie. I wasn't paying much attention to the movie. I don't know how it happened. But my pants were unzipped and in the dark theatre the only thing illuminating us was the huge screen hugging the wall showing some comedy movie. A cold hand slid down my pants and I inhaled deeply. I knew the routine. No refusing even if I wanted to. He whispered dirty words in my ear. Calling me a "slut" and a "hore" and when I was close to coming, he call me a "dirty girl" because he said I was so bad for pushing his hand in between my lips. I don't remember that. I don't remember. I don't remember. After the movie theatre, we go to the car and he drove us home. On the way he tells me that I was a bad girl in the movies and I should be punished when we get home. Some people may ask why I didn't try to leave. The answer to that is because I was condemned to only my body. In society, I am nothing but a pretty pink pussy ready to be used and then put in the draw until I'm wanted again. And I knew that every time I was in his bed with him, I became dead inside. But I couldn't stop myself from enjoying the pleasure. That throbbing sensation telling me that I did good. Then immediately followed by guilt, and if I was feeling like a human that day, I would allow myself to shed a tear. Just one though. Because I need to save the water in my body. After he was done with me, he made me take a shower saying how disgusting I was and that I should be put in punishment for how horrible I acted today on our trip. That night for some reason, I don't know why but I let myself cry. The water was warm on my face and it mixed in with my tears. It felt so good to let it out. Just this time. I was quick though. The longer I spent in the shower, the more of me I washed away and I needed some part of me to remember who I was. Old ripped t-shirt and shorts. Those were my clothes. I take my stuff and head down to the basement which he had made into a "room" for me. My cage. But a deep raspy voice stops me. "Ohh no you don't, I got something special for you tonight." I turn around and handcuffs spring from his back pocket. "I thought maybe you'd like to sleep in my room tonight." For a minute, I thought about how beautiful my cage downstairs was. He took me to the heater in his room and clipped me there. I took of my shorts. Because a good girl listens.
A bad girl has a brain of her own.
A bad girl has power.
A bad girl has control.
A bad girl is smart.
A bad girl can say no.
A bad girl can fight.
I am not a bad girl. I am a good girl. Who is just a body not a mind.And in the dark, my mind plays tricks on me. It robs me of all knowledge that I have acquired since birth and leaves me a helpless little thing. Struggling to survive. What else could I be? But nothing worthy of a name. This is my name.. This is my name. This is my name. But what comes to me is daylight breaking through the shades beginning for me to let it in. I need to sleep. And so I surrender to my own darkness and close my eyes.
