This first person account of a prostitute depicts and unravels the onerous journey of a harlot from becoming a devdasi to reforming into a survivor, conquering the tribulation in her life in a daunting manner. This narrative portrays the life of a h...
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I really felt disheartened when things turned so annoying. I either slept indoors or fed the buffaloes in the courtyard. In the morning when Amma and ajji would be busy in household chores, I felt left out. Life had turned into a humdrum for me. Sometimes I would spend time tickling the touch-me-not plant in our backyard or make a garland of the jasmine flowers.
I was not even allowed to touch the utensils in the kitchen as I was believed to be impure by ajji. I was not even assented to eat with others. I started feeling suffocated. My frail soul was unable to comprehend why I was being treated so harsh. My mind questioned why I wasn't permitted to do what I liked. Why was I locked indoors? What did this signify and what fortune would the deity bring to my family if I was locked indoors ?questions were many but solutions none.
However days passed and eventually eleven days were over. But I was unable to free myself from the clutches of these feckless precepts. It was Thursday. A watershed in my life. The day, when my virginity was sold for merely five hundred rupees. My grandma took me to a house and told me to sleep with the owner of the outlandish house that night.
Though my mother protested a lot but she was reprimanded. Even I thundered to my core but couldn't prevent the social evil from ambushing me. The man was drunk and was smelling noisome. I loathe the moment still now. The nasty flabby man, darkest brown skin coloured with thick hair and ragged and droopy moustache nudged me onto the bed embed with a sombre printed bedcover. As the drunk man chewed some nuts and opened his white shirt, I felt loathsome to notice the filthy man.
I cried out of agitation and panic. I wanted to run out of his sight, fly away somewhere very far where nobody could touch me and I would fly with the birds into the high sky. I wish I could hinder the predicament and save myself from being molested.
The horrendous man plunged onto me though I tried to run. As I revolted, he caught my hands and forcing them down , he started kissing my neck and feeling my restlessness. After struggling for some time I bit him and jostling him aside ran towards the door. Unfortunately the fat black buck was indeed very robust. He again hauled me towards the bed and tore my frock in anger.
He pounced on me and started undressing me. I pleaded, I cried, I yelped, I whined. But he ignored me. I remember him grabbing and raping me inhumanly. After he felt satiated, he kicked me towards one side of bed. I was tortured for almost three hours. I groaned with sheer pain.
I was broken and it was the darkest, loneliest feeling I've ever encountered. What I knew was that I felt completely torn apart. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt dirty, ashamed, embarrassed. I felt so violated, like my body didn't belong to me anymore.
When my eyes opened and I looked at the window, a hint of steely light showed that morning was on its way. I noticed that the rapist was sleeping, so I wore my clothes and stealthily walked out of the house. I found myself immensely weak to trudge along the roadway but I had to strain my throbbing body to reach home.
I knocked the iron door with feeble strength. As Amma opened the door, tears welled up her eyes and she hugged me tightly. She lovingly made me sit on the floor and provided me with hot water compression. I felt better but grandma and father's apathetic attitude grieved me.
Sometimes I wonder how my family could be so cruel with me. But then i realised that girls have always been a mere burden to their kinsfolk. After years of humiliation, I was provoked to accept the fact that when my family never stood beside me and mortified me just for some riches, I shouldn't expect the world to stand by me.
Ajji and appa were only concerned about being benefitted of deep pockets through me. Be it selling my purity or even auctioning my carcass. That morning I found both of them in a serious discussion. I comprehended the gravity of the situation when appa said that he needed money to start a new business and earning more was possible only through my help.
I felt disgusted. I was terrified. I wished to run away somewhere, in lands of happiness and colourful candies. Where I could play with cute puppies and squirrels and eat up chocolates and candies more often. But I knew that I wished for something intractable.I was dreaming of something that could be achieved only in dreams.
I felt so crestfallen and sorrowful that I restlessly went to my mother who was washing clothes by stooping down on a rocky platform and sat beside her weeping. Realizing my presence she turned towards me and embraced my cheeks with her foamy palms. Then she hugged me tightly. I felt better. But the reality was that her hug could not save me from the power of their villainous intentions.
My mother was the only one who was always there for me in my thick and thin. she stood beside me and her endearment and care have always Made me feel valuable. But the saddest thing is that she could never gather enough courage to fight for me. I she had then maybe I could enjoy my teenage years and have an apposite autobiography.
Though my heart ached but my mind was strong as I knew that I had to succumb to an endless series of molestation. I had perceived that I had no other option because there was no one with me.
After few hours when I was feeding our pet buffaloes, I heard my grandma conversing with our neighbour who was a matchmaker. But to my dismay she promised ajji to bring a wealthy client for me who would be our financial star. I wondered how a woman who was renowned as an angelic person could join hands in this filthy business. Now I was learning to get the hang of the true nature of this inconsiderate world.
