Yes I Was A Prostitute...

Chapter-8 SPRING IN AUTUMN

Even though i was ambivalent about Shanti's death but a dark bubble of insecurity had enwreathed me. I felt timid and timorous about my future. I pondered over numerous thoughts related to me being attacked by AIDS and being killed by the pimps in such a petrifying manner. I was also suffering of irrational guilt of Shanti's death. Though my mind knew that i had no fault, but my heart kept blaming myself as I could not save her, the fact being that we weren't given any chance to take any action as she was spot dead. Despite of my ordeal, life did not come to a standstill. It had to go on.

I had made many more workmates by now. Not all were poor devdasis. Some were rich chicks, some were impoverished damsels. But as a depressing fact, all suffered a poor fate which brought them into this dungeon. As a result of such dejecting and mournful lives, many prostitutes took resort to drugs. Marijuana, cocaine and heroin were the most colloquial sedatives. But I never did so. My conscience restricted me.

" she was beautiful, but not like those girls on magazines. she was beautiful, for the way she thought. she was beautiful, for the sparkle she had in her eyes when she was honest to herself. she was beautiful, because she had been strong and been strength to herself. no she was not beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. she was beautiful, deep down to her soul".

My body was sold. I couldn't save it from the social evil as it wasn't in my hand but saving myself from the snag of drugs was definitely in my hand. What happened if I was a whore, who would never receive respect from society but I deserved respect from my inner soul as I diligently followed the principles of my life.

"Now, it had been five years. Prostitution had become a job, to which I was loyal. Yes I was loyal to providing libido to males. You may would call me a slut. But you cannot deny that this job fed me, provided me with penny, and the basic necessities of life, though not happiness. However, the society out there which loathes me would never consider me as a human even, lest give me shelter to dwell in. Yes I was dyed-in-the-wool but it doesn't mean that I would not save anyone from this milieu. I would unquestionably."

It was autumn. The sun shined over the Peepal tree in the courtyard whose dried yellow leaves had fallen on the ground. I was collecting them as I loved to make paintings on the dried leaves. As I reached near the back gate, my eyes met a young man in early twenties. He looked at me with intensity, while sipping tea from a plastic cup, which was served in the tea shop situated in the next lane to the brothel.

As our eyes met, I felt my heart beating fast because I realised that he didn't look at me with the intention which is seen in other men we meet. He had a shadowy appearance with big eyes and curly hair. He wore a white shirt and black trouser and seemed to belong a poor family. We kept looking at each other for about 15 seconds until he stood up to throw the cup and started walking towards me.

As I realised this, I ran inside the brothel with the dry leaves in hand. Two reasons controlled my mind though my heart wanted to talk to him. One, if anyone saw me talking to a stranger, I would be slapped. Moreover I felt shameful to talk to him.

Next morning, I was happy to see him again near the gate as whole night I had missed him. I saw him throwing a crushed paper and caught it. I took it and ran inside. I locked myself in the bathroom and unfolded it. The letter read-

"My name is Manoj. I have newly shifted here and work as a driver for a rich family. Yesterday when I saw you, I was enamoured by your beauty. I really like you. Can you meet me and be friends with me? I am a nice guy and would always keep you happy. I would be waiting for your reply tomorrow near the gate."

I was really happy. For the first time in my life someone was attracted to me not to my body. Someone promised to keep my happy. It felt as if I was living in a fairy tale where the prince would save the princess from all evils and take away her to some safe place away from all hardships.

Though lately, but then I realized that the fact that I was dreaming about, couldn't happen in reality. I was a prostitute after all and no community would accept me. I felt that he must be unaware about my identity and the brothel's truth. That night I wrote a letter to him. The letter said-

"First time in life someone has liked me. I feel very grateful to you as you liked me and my soul. Not my body. I think you aren't aware that this is a brothel and I am a prostitute. I would really be happy to have a friend like you but this can't happen in reality. You can't be my friend. I have slept with hundreds of men till date though unwillingly. I am sure that no man would like to be friends with such a whore. So please forget me."

Next daybreak, when we met in the morning I crumbled my letter and threw it towards him and then ran inside the bordello. In the evening when I had already served three customers and was waiting at the gate, I saw Manoj. I was astonished to see him there. Many thoughts aroused in my mind. Was he here to meet me? Or is he like all other men? Has he also come for seeking libido or was he here to rescue me? While I pondered over such questions, the owner ordered me to serve him. Being speechless, I took him to a room. I felt scared and restless, a feeling which I had witnessed after many years.

I closed the door to find him staring me. I stood at the corner of the room clueless about his intentions. He advanced towards me, took my hands in his and said "I am not here for your body. I really like you and have come here to meet you. I knew that you are a prostitute when I first laid my eyes on you. But I really don't care. When you revealed your identity in your letter, I was really touched. Your honesty has increased my respect for you. I know very well that you aren't here by your own; rather you were forced into this business".

His words really melted me. Then we sat and chatted for one long hour. I narrated my story to him and he promised to take me away from this doom. One hour had ended but I felt quenchless. I wanted to talk more, to know him. When he went, I felt left out but he promised to come back next day. That night I was really happy after a long time.

I was in the ninth cloud and hoped this fairy tale to have a happy ending. I was eagerly waiting for him. Our story continued for months. I was happy than ever before. My life had taken a new turn. I felt so elated when I kept chatting and Manoj stared at me with a twinkle in his eyes. He could do anything to make me smile. If ever I would be in pain because of any customer, he would soothe me and got crazy to harm him.

But usually stopped imagining my condition after his actions. The best thing which amazed me was that everyday he would pay rupees hundred just to meet me. I was now important to him more than anything else. I felt as if spring had arrived in my autumn like life where all my hopes had shed like dried leaves. I loved him and longed to live a happy life with him. Then one day he proposed me. He assured to fly with me to a new city and to show me this beautiful world, the glamour of the cities.

We decided to marry. All was set. The night before our marriage, I was ready with my trunk which comprised my clothes and my earning. I had nothing much to start a new journey, but yes I had a warm-hearted and passionate companion. I felt complete.