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SIX: Mark
When Kendall's face became a semi-normal hue of pink again I felt it was safe to respond so I replied, "Hey! Yeah it's me. It's been awhile!"
"Yeah it's been 4 years. Since the summer after junior year in college," she said back.
The fact that she remembered such specifics did not give any more hope that she had gotten over it and forgiven me. "Wow yeah your right, it's been too long," I said. As after saying this I took the leap and walked over and pulled her into a hug. "I've really missed you," I whispered into her ear as she hesitantly hugged me back. As I pulled away slowly, not wanting to let go of the sliver of hope that she could forgive me, I saw she was looking anxious again. Our eyes met for a moment and then she quickly looked away and turned to address her mom.
"Hey mom the flight was really long and I'm completely exhausted so I'm just gonna go upstairs and take a nap. I'm sleeping in the guest room right," she asked but the words came out sounding almost strangled.
"Oh Hun of course! You'll have plenty of time to catch up with... people," she said while hesitating to look at me. Apparently she had picked up on the obvious tension between us. As Kendall's mom led her upstairs and helped her get settled in I let myself slump back into the chair I had been sitting in and felt all my hopes crushed.
I thought that after 4 years she would at least be able to treat me like a friend. We had been best friends for 16 years before I wrecked everything. Didn't 16 years of telling each other everything, being there whenever the other one needed us, and constantly hanging out stand for anything against one bad mistake I had tried so desperately to take back? Apparently not. I shouldn't have let Mrs. Stevens give me false hope. I knew she wouldn't have forgotten, I knew she would still hate me, but I let myself believe what I so much wanted to be true.
When Mrs. Stevens came back I told her that I was needed down at the hospital and I hoped she and Kendall could handle what was left of the preparations. Then I left the kitchen and headed out the front door before I could hear some sympathetic apology about Kendall and about how she "was just tired and would be better after resting." I knew all to well that that wasn't the case. When I had looked into Kendall's eyes I saw that she wasn't the same. Something in her was different. She wasn't crazy, free spirited, and fun anymore; she was serious and remodeled into a totally different person all together.
Even though my excuse to go down to the hospital was a complete lie, I found myself heading down there anyway. Ever since I had started my residency I have always loved working in diagnostics. I loved going to work and knowing that I could save a life that day. Also when I'm at work I learn to appreciate what I have so much more. No matter how down I'm feeling I can almost always guarantee that I'm going to come across someone that is worse off than me as soon as I walk through the hospital entrance doors. Seeing Kendall had put me to the point where I even doubted kid with cancer could feel the way I did right then.
When I walked into the hospital I felt a loosening in my stomach like all my troubles are just melting away. I think to myself that its ironic that a hospital to me is a safe haven, when a hospital to most other people is something that they hope they never have to go near. To me it's not a place of death and sickness so much as a place of second chances and rediscovering of values. As a diagnostician, almost all the cases I deal with are confusing, traumatizing, and difficult to solve. Some of my patients, while going though the difficult process, look over their life and speculate what they would change. Those people, when they're cured, go on to make the changes they might have been too scared to make before. I continue to let my thoughts wander as I opened my locker and grabbed my lab coat. When I shut the locker door I saw Jims face staring at me and was so surprised I almost tripped over my own feet.
