[ITS A NEW POST!! IM SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG! I spent all day today writing it, yes sad I know, but I got it done. Its kinda a filler leading up to the big (or so you think :P) night.]
[Read, comment, vote, tell me what you think! xox]
Chapter 18 Music:
1. Dustland Fairyland- The Killers
2. Halfway Sober- Anarbor
3. Your New Twin Sized Bed- Death Cab for Cutie
4. Rollerskates- Treaty of Paris
EIGHTEEN: Mark
"Well I was just thinking," I began. "Since you're getting married and moving on with life, I should too. Holding onto all that old stuff is ridiculous and it's about time I get rid of it." The words tasted of poison as they left my mouth and touched the baited tension filled air between us. Why was I saying things I didn't mean? Why was I taking this relationship into another circle, instead of just telling Kendall the truth and telling her how I really felt.
"Because her father just died maybe," my conscience piped up for the second time that day. "Honestly," I started to strike with the final blow, spiraling us back into the undefined grey area of our relationship that had become all to familiar. "We don't need anything else trying to sink the newfound friendship we got here right?"
"Right," Kendall said completely unsurprised by my heartless statement, which was the most painful thing of all. "Well its getting late I should get going. Can I get--"
"Your jacket right," I cut her off and stood up from my chair and walked to the door. As I started down the stairs and saw that Kendall wasn't following I was going to go back and ask if she was coming but decided I had said enough for one day. "I've probably twisted her head in knots," I muttered under my breath as I walked down the final steps and made my way over to the door leading out to the garage. I couldn't blame Kendall or her fiancée for why I was not with her, as much as I might have liked to. Kendall was with Josh because he was consistent and probably told her everyday that he loved her. Why would she choose me, with my erratic and unexplainable behavior, over someone who had actually gotten down on one knee and proposed they spend the rest of their lives together. I could never be sure what would have happened between us if I had never listened to Kendall's father and proposed to her anyway, but no matter how much I may love Kendall could I really continue to try and be in her life and take us through hoop after hoop, or just let her go after she go backs to London and let her get on with her life, and let me get on with mine.
I pulled out the car keys from my jeans pocket and unlocked the car. I opened the the door to the back seat and grabbed her leather jacket off the seat. I shut the door and pressed the lock button on the car keys until I heard the little honk of the horn that confirmed the car was indeed locked. "But what if Jim is right," I continued to battle out what was the right and wrong thing to do in this situation in my head. "What if I can never truly move on until I at least try to win her back?" I didn't even know how to go about trying to win her back though. Less than a mere 2 hours ago I had been ready to fight Josh for Kendall, but now after spending time with her again, and remembering how we got' to where we are, I have all the sudden reawakened a moral compass in my head. Now I was caught in a struggle between heart and head, mind and emotion, and I didn't know which one was going to end up winning.
"Listen to me," I said to myself. "Jim is right, I sounds like a total woman."
I looked up to see Kendall waiting for me at the front door and she gave me a weird look when she overhears my conversation with myself. I walked over to her and hand her jacket while opening the front door. "Hey would you like to give me away at my wedding?" Kendall asked out of the blue.
