Each day I wake up, and each day I stay up past the midnight hours. I just sit there and I think. I think about my grandmother. The most inspirational person in my life. She may be in heaven..but she is always with me. I don't talk about it a lot. But I do think about her still and struggle with it sometimes. The year 2008 felt like the ground beneath my feet fell through. I felt I was falling though I was on even ground. In 2008 my grandmother had cancer. She is was and is such a fighter. Maybe that's why I am highly motivated and try to have a big heart. But I was living else where at the time about a hour away from her and..I didn't get calls back from her and she usually did call. I got in touch with family and I heard that she was in the hospital again. I was in school but left early my family is more important. School can be made up. So I was there at the hospital at an instant. I remember it now walking on the sidewalk and into the automatic doors. Went to the front desk to see where to go.
I finally got to her room and I saw the condition she was in. I was just praying and trying to keep positive thoughts in my head. At times she looked to be making progress and did the love sign, in sign language. I couldn't help but to smile. That's just the way she was, always has a big heart and influence with whatever she does. It got to a point though when cancer took over..and she was running on this thing called a pace maker and it helps the heart beat. It got to a point where the pace maker was what she was running on. So we had to talk with the doctors and everything. Right there at that moment, I held her hand and I told her these very words " I love you so much, I will get big in music and making positive difference in people's lives like you. Hope I make you proud. Go dance up there in heaven, and smile for everyone like you usually do. Love you." Then it was that time. Many of our family was there to support so it was nice. That moment was the most difficult point in my life.
About 2 to 3 months later I just sat on my porch on a sunny day and out of no where something told me to grab a pen and paper and I began to write the very first few songs lyrics I ever wrote called "Summer Paradise" and "Guardian Angel". When I look at it now though these lyrics were real simplistic and to the point but it was my lift off point with my music. I think she was there looking down at me from the sky. Because it is so hard to explain why I just thought of oh hey I got to write these lyrics out of no where. So this is my heart in music, I have many reasons why I do music but this is a big one. For her. I plan on making her proud. Make her proud one day while looking "up above in heaven."
I wrote this out and decided to have this chapter in here because this is a big part that happened in my life. It's so hard to talk about it. I remember that moment..like yesterday got sick to my stomach that day and I had tears fall from my eyes and I am not ashamed to say so. Doesn't make me any less of a man to be sad for someone I've lost. Keep your head up everyone. Do what you love to do! Make sure with the people you really care about just either tell them you love them or go and let them know you really appreciate them. I want to thank you all for the constant support. Thank you so much. It keeps me going at times. Sorry for the late post for this story. My computer wasn't working but I got it fixed.
