Endless Summer.

.04

"my mom didn't make my life any easier for me with her reputation so i just decided to do whatever i felt like. i was going to be judged anyway so i might as well do what makes me happy." mesi ranted, his eyes focused on the wildlife we were driving through. his expression was melancholic as he recalled the treatment he'd gotten back home.

we were back on the road but i was driving this time. nasir was asleep in the back while mesi kept me company in the passenger seat. i knew he would help in keeping me awake because that boy loved to talk.

"trust me, i know," june chimed in. "my dad being a priest puts me under a microscope. we were also an interracial family which made shit worse back in town; those church fuckers are like really racist." her words were slurred since she'd chugged a couple beers when we woke up-she must've been upset about something. she rarely drank. "i feel like we weren't made to be statistics. i don't want to be a shitty fucking vet anymore. i just want to exist without restrictions. i don't want to be held down by my dad, my mom, yellow springs or God."

"our grandparents tried so hard to make respectable teens out of us," theo recalled. i hid my expression of shock as i tried to focus on the road. this was the first time he'd spoken about them in such depth. "our parents bailed on us so they took their frustration out on us and i get it; we're burdens. but it was too much after a while." kelsi exhaled loud enough for everyone to hear as she snuggled against her brother.

"i'm just glad we don't have to wear those awful colors on sundays anymore." she cringed. i remembered seeing them in their sunday's best a few times. kelsi would wear a hat big enough to swallow her and a pastel yellow dress that could've stood up on its own from how much starch her grandma sprayed on it. theo would match her with a large pastel suit.

"i think after cane came out, my mom went off the deep end. she started being afraid of all this imaginary judgment. eventually, cane just left. i guess he thought it would make things easier but it didn't, it just got worse. our mom got so paranoid that everyone was watching us." i frowned, figuring it was my turn to mourn my old life. "i couldn't even breathe wrong without it being a big deal; cane was the failed experiment and i was the protégé."

"all of our parents are shitheads." mesi stated, mimicking my sorrowful expression. "end of discussion."

"you think we're going to hell?" i asked after a few moments of silence. i didn't know why i asked such a thing but i was curious-i was still Godfearing. i still prayed. i didn't want God to hold a grudge for my recent behaviors. i was merely a lost boy.

"i don't know," june laughed at how ridiculous i sounded. "maybe it isn't such a bad thing." maybe that was the issue. i felt cowardly. just like my mother.

i didn't want to go to Hell.

"if Christ is as forgiving as he's portrayed, i don't think so," i tried to reason with myself more than anything.

"you actually sound like you care." nasir said, his voice hesitant and careful.

i did.